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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Introducing mmMekitty

Topic: Introducing mmMekitty

  1. mmMekitty
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    13 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi Croix,

    There's a lot of the good ol' projection & self-referencing going on. I tend to think it's human, but it can cause problems because none of our ways of communicating is absolutely free from interpretation. We are so often trying to put into words, emotions & sensory experiences which are by their nature, wordless. Often we search for words, the exact words, but they don't seem to exist, or whatever words we find simply are not enough to convey the emotion (especially the emotion) of what we feel a need to express.

    In all writing, unless you are writing some huge in depth work, what the reader sees is not the whole picture. Characters are not whole people, societies represented are not complete in their complexity either. We can hint, point towards a general perspective, but the reader does most of the work in their own minds. filling in detail the writer didn't include.

    Songs are even more limited in their scope. The accompanying music might add depth & nuance or may even contradict what the words say. "You Are My Sunshine" is a perfect example; happy tune with such sad lyric.

    Sometimes it's like walking a tight rope. Sometimes though, it might be a lot of fun. I always run the risk of my intent not being understood.

    I like to play light-hearted stuff, & maybe even sneak something serious between the lines. Some people will see it, some won't I figure those who see my hidden text are aware enough, & able to take it, whereas those who don't, aren't. It's exactly as when I began being aware of the emotions I was denying, because I had become ready to (just barely) deal with them, & so they would not be denied any longer.

    The Simpsons works & became so popular because it has this sort of layering. Some aspects kids get, while others adults will get. & as the kids grow up, they'll see repeats, & suddenly get some of the adult humour they didn't understand before.

    So much is like that. That what makes going back to a novel you read when you were much younger so good.

    I keep hoping my writing will be like that. I'd like to think of a reader going back to my writing & discovering things in there they didn't see the first or second time around.

    Ah, but, even flat factual documents are open to interpretation, so I fear my truth, my perspectives may never be recognised.

    How's that for deep? Lucky you are a walrus! 💖💖😺💖💖

    *

    💖💖Hi Mum Chris, 😻hope all is going well with you💖💖

    mmMekitty

  2. Croix
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    13 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Dear mmMeKitty~

    This is a repeat, the internet swallowed the first half of my reply (hope it gets indigestion)

    Anyway to go on ...

    I think you may be casting pearls before walruses (which you can now see - I think handsome and dignified sums it up:)

    You are talking about the difficulties of communication, I guess this has been going on since the first humans, and has resulted in people constantly seeking better ways to say what they mean, which is why we have everything from watercolors to grunge bands.

    As you say the meaning depends upon the recipient, and the recipient changes from one innings to the next, possibly (if you are not a walrus:) picking up more as time goes on.

    I guess the purveyor has to rely on the recipient - a partnership to a large extent.

    This is exemplified in Matsuo Bashô's Frog Haiku

    Translation #1 which leaves more to the reader:
    Old pond — frogs jumped in — sound of water.

    Translation #2 which leaves somewhat less:
    A lonely pond in age-old stillness sleeps . . .
    Apart, unstirred by sound or motion . . . till
    Suddenly into it a lithe frog leaps.

    A richer picture, but doe not take the reader to the ultimate reference, those three concepts (old pond, frog leaping, resultant sound) can be held to represent an old man meditating, spring and causes.

    I'm sorry to say I can't seem to get the later Simpsons on DVD, I guess their marketing division thought permanent copies were a no no. Pity.

    Interpretation, or even understanding, is particularly hard here on the Forum where communication is limited to short spasmodic texts.

    Croix

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  3. mmMekitty
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    13 December 2021 in reply to Croix

    Tomorrow

    *

    Fear & anxiety strike again, it grips & twists,

    Pulls me over, & tonight I am derailed.

    On my pone, I walk my fingers from side to side, along the keys,

    Pace trying to remember to breathe, slow & deep....

    I thought I would be, but I'm not ready for tomorrow.

    I've got to walk in on my own two feet.

    At the moment I'm not sure I can.

    Tomorrow won't be the worst day, & I still am not ready

    for whatever she will have to say

    My helper might be beside me,

    & feel miles away.

    A little dose of reality: what is going to happen

    Ig going to be happening to me.

    mmMekitty/Jamie Fleck (pseudonym) Dec 13 2021

  4. Hanna3
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    14 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi mmMekitty

    I'm not sure what was happening to you today but I wanted to come by and say I hope you are OK and please let us know what's happening with you.

    Sending hugs from me and furry ones from little Sam 🙂👍💝🐕🐾🌻🍀💞

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  5. Croix
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    14 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Dear mmMekitty~

    I guess by now it is the end of tomorrow, and you may have received news, unwelcome or otherwise.

    Your poem typifies courage, the fear that threatens to overwhelm, and then dealing with it, partly then as you write,, and partly later on when the event happens.

    You show bravery, stoicism and good cheer plus fun and a sense of the ridiculous in the face of adversity -there is no better way to live life (are you blushing yet?)

    You have my admiration - not just for last night and today, but ever since you arrived here and I learned of what you cope with.

    You are never going to walk alone while you can write here, and even after that.

    Croix

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  6. Mum Chris
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    329 posts
    14 December 2021

    Hi mmMekitty

    Thinking of you

    Here are some hearts I borrowed from you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thought you might need them.
    🐈🐈‍⬛ here’s a couple of kittens to keep you company.

    ❤️MC

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  7. blondguy
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    14 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hey mmMekitty

    Thankyou for taking the time to answer everyone and your kind post :-)

    For Croix......Year of the Cat....by Al Stewart.....Extended version...not the radio edit ;-)

    my kindest always

    Paul

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  8. mmMekitty
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    14 December 2021 in reply to Croix

    Hello Croix, Hanna, everyone,

    I met with the breast surgeon today. She explained further about what the cancer in my breasts is, that it is 'low grade or grade one, common tumours & both are primary, & are oestrogen positive. The way my helper wrote up her notes, I think she got a bit confused...& my surgeon explained that one is connected to the pectoral muscle, which would explain the pain that took me to the GP in the first place.

    I have a choice of having a lumpectomies with radiotherapy to follow. or total mastectomy with or without reconstruction surgery.

    She outlined the follow up. I'll be taking hormone replacement therapy for 5 years.

    Not Chemotherapy - phew!.

    Having a double mastectomy seems much more straight forward. All done & dusted. & I'd be in hospital for 2-3 nights. (Really?)I Just may want prosthetics because, the wait time for reconstruction surgery is long.

    I would need to decide about getting reconstructive surgery, & how to replace the tissue.

    What is involved with reconstruction surgery sounds really scary. She told me of the options, one of which is Autologous where tissue from my abdomen would be brought to my chest, a 12 hour surgery, & then time in ICU, & lots more after care.

    It is HIGH RISK surgery.

    Implants also require lots of care in hospital, & after care.

    I won't be rushing to that, unless I was to find prosthetics impossible.

    Of-course lumpectomy attempts to preserve much of the breast tissue, it's just the appearance may not be as aesthetically pleasing by the end of it. & I'd still need mammogramss & ultrasounds to keep an eye on things.

    But no breast, no mammogram. I would still need to have ultrasounds, though.

    Then she said I will not be going in until January. First I go to a pre-admission clinic. Then an a date for my Surgery will be made, possibly mid-January.

    On the day of whichever surgery, she said, I will also have a Lymph Node Biopsy.

    So what does having breasts mean to me, & do think about it carefully. How important are they to my identity, my sexuality, gender, etcetera. Not so much that I want highly risky surgery.

    So. I'll be around for Xmas!!

    When I came back, I had a snooze, called my sis, & took quite a while writing this post, & hope I got it all correct...

    💖💖💖to you, Croix, & 💖💖💖to you Hanna,

    mmMekitty 😻

  9. mmMekitty
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    14 December 2021 in reply to Mum Chris

    Ha, MC, you get around pretty well here! I love these reusable ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️all the more when they come from you!

    I'll pass some on to Paul, ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️who I realise is the gentlest Eagle I ever could imagine.

    & Croix, who has put up with so much bouncy kitty he's got a sore neck.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Am I right?

    & Hanna, ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️whose Kindness & intellengence is self-evident.

    & Smallwolf, I've got to go & track down that Smallwolf, you know, the one with the super powers infinite patience, & gentle empathy.

    💨mmMekitty

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  10. Hanna3
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    15 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    mmMekitty,

    I have two friends who had their breasts removed in their fifites/sixties and they didn't have reconstruction surgery and they don't wear prosthetics and they look and feel fine! So it's entirely up to you, reconstructive surgery is a fair bit to take on, but I don't know your age and how important it is to you, but the results can be excellent.

    My friends are well and happy years later.

    Thinking of you, you have a lot on your plate to deal with at the moment.

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  11. mmMekitty
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    15 December 2021 in reply to Hanna3

    Hello Hanna,

    I have revealed somewhere, I am over the half-way mark no matter howoptomistic one might imagine - I'd be breaking Guinness World Records if I was just on the ha;f-way point in my life. MOre like two-thirds, if I am reasonably optimistic about my life span.😸well past menopause, pretty much asexual, & not interested anymore.

    What she said about reconstructive surgery sounded so big & risky, I am quite certain I will be getting them removed.

    I will try prosthetics, nothing bid, & see what I feel then, whether I keep using them or not. It'smy over all body shape, as it is, I imagine a sloping down from my neck to abdomen, like a great hillside, rounding off at the bottom like a beer gut. That's not a body shape I aspire to.

    If I was still very thin, there is no question, I wouldn't bother with prosthetics at all. When I was thin I could find bras that would fit better, & were lighter, & more comfortable than what I find now. I hate them now.

    Like my hearing aid, I just won't bother while I am at home. I'm sure of that.

    She had said I could get bras made for the prosthetic insert, & if what I've seen online is what I'd have, they look bulky, & potentially uncomfortable. & every two years I can get more of these 'forms' free via a gov. scheme. (like hearing aids & glasses & other things).

    Oh, & she said the recommendation for anyone diagnosed with breast cancer, no matter what the treatment course, is to get aCOVID-19 booster/3rd dose, (however you think of it), as soon as they can. Now, our Gov has said we can have it 5 months from the day when we had the 2nd dose, I will be due for mine at about the same time as my surgery should be scheduled. I think I'd like it before, so I will need to talk to my GP about that soon, get myself booked in for that.

    mmMekitty

  12. Croix
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    15 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Dear mmMeKitty~

    "sloping down from my neck to abdomen, like a great hillside, rounding off at the bottom like a beer gut."

    Typical, having a subtle dig at the svelte form of a walrus.

    I'm glad you waiting is over, this has always been the worst part for me and now your rather sensible decision making process has something to work on.

    Like Hanna3's friends my MIL had two radical mastectomies and lived for very many years, apparently quite OK, so it may well be something with a high success rate.

    With that 5 month stay between your second injection and your booster I'd not be sure which way to jump. I'll be having mine shortly and I'll let you know if there are any side effects, with my first two I noticed nothing. I guess talking to your doctor is best.

    Haiku is hard to write, maybe in your next poem you might change free verse for haiku instead, getting the 5-7-5 syllables and oblique references right can be as distracting as formulating the words in a normal stanza

    a little red cat
    planning stealthily for mice
    a small breeze distracts

    Croix (who is shopping for a neck brace:(

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  13. mmMekitty
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    16 December 2021 in reply to Croix

    A neck brace? That'll hold up all the thinking!

    *

    I had a call today, while my helper & I were shopping. I actually found some brightly coloured shirts, men's wear, a bright yellow, a mid, but full-on deep sky blue that matches a skirt I have, & a reddish salmon , that of-course looked better in the shop, & a couple pairs of pants, one light grey & the other is black. & I have a pair of low slip-on shoes, which are mauve, to wear in hospital & around my flat. Not good for extended wear, after while wearing an hour my toes were going numb & a little tingly. Shoes are such a problem. But these will be good in the hospital....

    Which was what the call was about. Even before I have a date for the pre-op clinic, I have a date for my surgery. & it's January 4. 2022.! I am all nervous excitement.

    I am thinking my chest may look collapsed, & gravity is really pulling everything it can, seeing if all my flesh can reach my kneen & beyond one day...not about you at all.

    I had a thought today, when we were talking about her having a swimming pool at her (& hubby's) new home, which they are moving to soon, too, & I thought, since I'll have nothing to cover, can I go swimming topless, because, how could that be considered 'indecent exposure', when I will have nothing to expose!?? I laughed, & laughed., realising, I am accepting this large change to my body more easily than I am changing what sort of styles of clothes I've bought, because styles I want are simply not available.

    *

    Ember

    My heart burns to ash

    Holding this dark, hot purring

    Ember in my hands

    Written by Jamie Fleck/mmMekitty 2019

    mmMekitty

  14. Mum Chris
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    16 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi mmMekitty

    I did write a post and deleted it. I know definitely what I would do but facing it myself who knows I might not do what I think now. The what if’s are often just abstract and in reality what is decided is just a fast torrent of events and situations that overtake us.

    Im such a baby in my journey back to life all I can offer is some 🦢 🦆🦜🦜🦜 to stalk and some frogs to listen to 🐸🐸🐸🐸 I found these cracking away in our down pipes and my husband said they are too noisey. I love the loud bullfrog it reminds me of summer holidays

    MC

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  15. mmMekitty
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    16 December 2021 in reply to Mum Chris

    Thanks Mum Chris,

    I love all the birds & frogs. It's been a long time since Iheard a frog in the early evening, calling out, telling us some rain was on the way. The sky would have already clouded over, so we already had an idea, but it was when we heard the frog/s we knew for sure. 😸

    Take care, being kind & gentle with yourself. I would like to know how you went with your first meeting with your new psychologist. I hope felt comfortable with him, & might already have feel you could work with him. At this time of year, I suppose he, too, will be away for a while over the next month, so you'll have time to consider your initial impressions.

    I have a CD of various Australian Frog Calls, 71 of them! Some you would not credit are frogs, except the recordings were done by people who know. I'm going to find out what sort of frogs you have sent me. 😺 Gotta name what I'm catching, eh? A dietitian might want to know one day.

    Same goes for the birds. I want more than whether they quack or screech or chirp.

    *

    I'm getting nervous about the numbers of people getting infected with the new Omicron variant of COVID-19, while restrictions are continuing to be relaxed. I'm thinking I want to be more cautious, still, & wonder if my PDr might re-consider whether to re-open his practice to face-to face consultations in the new year, as he has planned. I wonder if he's thought about it, or if I will have to wait for a message about it while he's on his long break. I'm imagining we won't be meeting face to face for a while yet.

    I'll be talking to him later today, & then he's away.

    *

    Later, 🦋🌺🐞🌤😺🕊

    mmMekitty

  16. Mum Chris
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    16 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi mmMekitty

    71 frogs wow.
    Psych visit was so promising he was so concise and clear and he made sense. Don’t remember much but he says I need more work and skills before he can get to EMDR therapy because I’m still quite vulnerable he also discussed hospitalisation if I wanted. I won’t see him till his first day back 10th January. I just got out of hospital from leg and I’m comfortable at home.
    Cleaner came and made my house clean and tidy and the veranda is clean and ready for me to enjoy. I’m inside still but it looks nice out there.
    I must be doing better the big smelly dog has moved from my side and is enjoying some alone time.
    I think many will rethink contact visits and make available Telehealth options again. It’s a catch-up game we are playing. I’m going to wear mask in shopping centres still

    I’m watching birds and bugs outside they are so busy hunting food and surviving.

    MC

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  17. mmMekitty
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    16 December 2021 in reply to Mum Chris

    This all sounds so promising, Mum Chris, even the big smelly dog - he's a wonder,😻& seems to care so much., but yes, it's good he's not all over you.

    I think this psychologist sounds like a very conscientious fellow, who has your best interests foremost in his mind. Don't be concerned about not remembering everything, as I'm sure he'll be glad to go over anything you think you missed or don't understand.

    I think the next few weeks are a perfect time for you to take to recuperate, &, you are entitled to time to yourself & your needs. But if you feel you need to justify refusing to cater to anyone else's needs, just point to your foot & say 'no'. You need say nothing more.

    This is Mum Chris time!

    *

    I've got an update. I've now got my Pre-Op Clinic appointment for next Tuesday, 21st December, at 8a.m. My helper might have to phone me early to be sure I'm am ready to go on time.

    & they said the Pre-Op Clinic appointment could take 4-5 hours!

    It really starts to feel real when appointments are made!

    I'm sure lots of questions, more forms, weights & measures, but 4-5 hours? That's a crowded place at a public hospital, & I, as you know, can't wear a mask There's nothing I can do about that.

    mmMekitty 😺(with a few nerves, I suppose.) I'll be phoning my PDr in 1.25 hrs & let him know & no doubt, talk about these feelings.)

  18. Mum Chris
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    16 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi mmMekitty

    I had a giggle point to foot say no 😂😂😂

    Oh no masks well hand sanitizer and something to keep you amused 4-5 hours I expect a lot of sitting and waiting. I hope you are at the front of the line. Someone needs to invent a wide brimmed hat with screen all around like ones made for savage mozzies and flies that can be worn instead of a mask.

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  19. mmMekitty
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    16 December 2021 in reply to Mum Chris

    I suspect you, Mum Chris, are another who does not say 'no' easily, even when you know it would be in your best interest to do so.

    Right now, you have a very real need to put your needs above all others.& you don't have to explain or justify. From a place of safety, just say 'no'. It may be very difficult, make you scared, may even trigger stuff, but in the long run, you are doing this for you, your health & establishing some boundaries.

    Maybe you cant imagine dealing with a major need to take a stand on, so try a smaller need of yours, when you know, if you said 'no', you would benefit more than if you said 'yes'.

    Any thoughts about this? If you don't like it, Please, tell me! I can stand for you to disagree with my idea.😸

    *

    Please, does this 🕊 look like a white dove on your screen?

    On my screen, which I have set up to show a dark background & pale font, my 🕊 appears dark with a light outline.

    ❄ on my Word Document turns up blue, but not here. None of the others appears coloured in my Word Documents, I think, because I begin with one of the high constrast themes, which I have modified.

    *

    Hey Croix, how's nature out there tonight?

    *

    mmMekitty

     

  20. Doolhof
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    17 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi mmKitty and all reading,

    I've not wandered around the forum for a while, I have only been sticking to a few threads. I came across your story here.

    I'd like to thank you for sharing your story so openly and boldly. I've not had breast cancer but have known some women who have. One lady decided to have both breasts removed and stated it was the best thing she ever did as she no longer had those frontal protrusions getting in the way!

    My Mum had one breast removed and asked them to reduce the size of the other one. Another friend had great delight in returning home after a day at work and being able to hang her fake boobs on the back of the door to lighten her load so to speak.

    I hope the pre appointment day goes well for you. kind regards from Dools

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  21. mmMekitty
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    17 December 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    "Another friend had great delight in returning home after a day at work and being able to hang her fake boobs on the back of the door to lighten her load so to speak."

    😹Hahahahaha - love it! That's spot on where my sense of humour is centred!

    when I get home I already want to toss everything off

    * Home Again*

    Shoes glasses bag hat,

    Hearing aid and socks as well,

    Get them all off now.

    Shed them like dead leaves

    Strip me to my bare branches

    Rest and feed me prunes.

    *by Jamie Fleck/mmMekitty 2019

    But now what'll I do to update this poem, & maintain the basic form?

    & now I imagine asking my helper to help me find them because I'm sure to forget where I put them in my flat!

    Thanks again, Doolhof ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😺

    mmMekitty

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  22. Croix
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    17 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Dear mmMekitty~

    Your poetic prowess is showing though again, but why prunes? For many an excess could have unfortunate effects.

    Actually if you are familiar with Scrooge McDuck comics you must remember prunes were the exclusive diet of the Beagle Boys, who were burglars, complete with masks, bags for swag and red jumpers.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrooge_McDuck
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beagle_Boys

    Come to think of it that might solve your wardrobe dilemmas.

    Your dove comes out as a small line drawing, black outline, white center, sort of a 60's 'peace' emblem.

    In relation to mislaid articles of apparel and more, I have a small object that attaches to my keys, and a remote that makes it squeak, thus allowing me to find them. Perhaps a similar arrangement might prove useful? Actually all I need now is another one to help me find the remote:(

    I can't vouch for nature on the riverbank tonight as I've not been there. I can say we are getting a whole tribe of galahs noisily squabbling in our trees. They have great fun using branches as swings, and are very jealous, complaining bitterly if another tries to alight on their branch.

    Foxy Dog voices her displeasure, going almost into hysterics, and adding to the overall noise level, Sumo Cat however is 'busy'

    Croix

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  23. mmMekitty
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    18 December 2021 in reply to Croix

    I'm guessing The Beagle Boys weren't very good crooks, wot with leaving all that mess behind!

    & just for your information, though you will think it too much, I sometimes need the prunes for that exact effect. With a real sense of relief, too, I might add.. & 'prunes' is a subtle pointer to my being no spring chicken, as is the tree shedding it's dead leaves, nearing the end of the year, so to speak.

    Although, it would seem my mind still thinks of November & December as being the end of Fall & the beginning of Winter....part of my mind hasn't migrated yet! Talk jet lag!

    No wonder I feel brainless....

    Once again, sore & tired, after going up the road again, for a slow walk, browse at Life Line shop & a Salvos shop, not finding any button down jammies or nightie, or just a top button down.

    I do have a thin zipper front jacket, with a hood, that may well have to do. It's not really summer or winter wear, so I don't know if I'll be comfortable either in hospital or at home. It's warming up here too.

    & now they are wanting masks again, & Xmas shopping crowds really worry me, so I think I won't find anything before I go in.

    Due to some late editing which is required if I fit the next portion within the character (with spaces) count limit - more tomorrow,

    mmMekitty

  24. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8853 posts
    18 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi mmKitty,

    Regarding clothing for hospital, just wear what ever yo are comfortable in. I am sure they have seen all sorts.

    A nurse told me they are just happy when a patient does wear clothes in hospital!

    I hope you find suitable garments to take with you.

    One time I was rushed to hospital, my husband came home, packed a bag for me and when he brought it along, I was a little surprised by his choices! Lets just say I was thankful he had included underwear and I was suitably if not strangely attired!

    1 person found this helpful
  25. Mum Chris
    Mum Chris  avatar
    329 posts
    18 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi mmMekitty

    not only do I have trouble with saying no I rarely do. I’ve always found it would be met with anger and or judgment. Or ignored and I end up doing what I said no too. It. also make me feel scared. I do in fact offer to do things fix things and help when I’m not even asked. I’m quick with advice and solutions and assistance even when it causes me loss and pain and takes over my life.
    I started practicing standing my ground and saying what I wanted to my friends and telling them when they hurt or offended me. I soon found out they were not true friends that was about 18 months ago then I thought I had been too harsh and tried to reestablish one of the friendships but once I’d seen the indifference to my feelings and the distance between us it was too late. I could see them as they were and I didn’t like what I saw. I was very sad. Croix made a comment that they seemed like an acquaintance and It was like turning the light on. I was her friend but we were acquaintances. Made me sad for a while but I moved my energy to reconnecting with my craft group and it was so great. I found someone that wants to know me and be with me when schedule permits.
    True friends accept No. I have reconnected with a person that hurt me a lot and she’s trying very hard to be less reactive and judgmental and explained she was also struggling and her reactions to me and her behaviour was fuelled by a dark time. I’m being very careful with her and have boundaries I won’t be hurt again by her. She tried to talk about what happened but I went into panic mode and had to leave and she saw how unwell I am and understood the severity of how everything affected me. I keep all contact light and on my terms.
    I mentally struggle with wanting to help out and do too much. I’m only able to stop the action not the thoughts so far. My rescuer syndrome compulsion is still active.
    As with you and this is your time and all of your focus is on this new fork in the road. You will need all your concentration to navigate the bumps and bends to get to the other side.
    🥰 MC

    1 person found this helpful
  26. mmMekitty
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    18 December 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    I was reading some more info, & they confirmed the thought I had about afterwards, when I'm sore & the staff will nee easy access to the wound, so it was suggested that front opening garments would be easier to put on & take off, & for nurses to open to check & change bandaging, etcetera as well.

    In hospital there will be air conditioning. I don't like being cool to very warm, & being vry hot is unbearable, & being too cold, like freezing, is triggering for me.

    When I am home, where I will not have airconditioning, I might just wear a thin singlet-like short nightie. I got a couple old ones, which are very loose, with large armholes. The weather is warm enough for that.

    *

    I got another letter, advising me that I'll have a scan in the morning, on the 4th January, before I am admitted for the surgery. I'ts going to be a long day for me & my helper. They do two scans, each takes about half an hour, with two hours between. & I was thinking the Pre-Op Clinic was going to take a long time. I don't know yet, when I'll be taken to the ward.

    & I don't remember what the Surgeon said about fasting.

    In this letter about the Lymph Node Localisation Scan, it only said there is no preparation I need do, but to still do "what your Doctor" said.

    *

    Now I'm getting little butterflies, not many, but yes, nervous to a score of 3 I suppose.

    Just imagine a tree covered in those big orange Monarch butterflies as being a 10 & no butterflies as 0. I'm having a few more than a few fluttering about the garden, but not in quantities uncommon for me.&

    I wonder if, now , as Qld once again makes masks mandatory in many places, if they will fuss about my not being able to wear one, at the Pre-Op Clinic, & now, during the scans,& between both.

    I (somehow) was up much too late, so now I'm getting that awfully tired feeling again.

    Oh, yes,😺 Doolhof, I remember now, once when I was in hospital, & on the sane floor, men on one side, women on the other, there was a man who wandered from his bed, & was going into the other wards, & if it wasn't currently occupied, he'd get onto someone else's bed. & although he did have a dressing gown on, it was open, & he didn't wear undies. The nurses were frustrated with him. I think they would have been happier with him off the ward. He was a concern, but he actually didn't do anything else.

    mmMekitty

  27. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    11060 posts
    18 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Dear mmMekitty~

    Well, the penchant for prunes is explained :) I had not realized it was a subtle reference to the distance from your birth-date.

    As for the seasons, I tend to think that in one's formative years the seasons are ingrained, and it can take thought to work out local conditions at times, I suffer from the same thing to a mild extent.

    Do you mind if I ask about your references to Jamie Fleck 2019? The only thing I can find is a short film starring Stacy Chu at a US school and highlights personal values vs peer pressure.

    Naturally enough all your recent posts have talked a lot about the practicalities of your upcoming visit to hospital, with mention of butterflies of course.

    Can ask what you are doing to take your mind away from this very necessary planning and put you in a different place (apart from writing subtle poetry that is:)?

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  28. mmMekitty
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    mmMekitty avatar
    3856 posts
    19 December 2021 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix, one thing I do, is to try to answer your questions.😼

    Intermittently I mess about on my phone's Garage Band app, using the piano & just with the four fingers of my left had, (for reasons I do't understand, because I am primarily right-handed, though not exclusively.), & enjoy that diversion, so long as I rmember to breathe properly.

    I live on my own, so there are some things I must attend to. I get very tired sometimes so then I nee to sleep, as I did today, for almost 4 hours this time. That's why I'm now up so late. IAs you may notice I try to get around to other threads & reply to some. Sometimes it takes some time to formulate my reply. I have audiobooks, music, & take some time doing other online things. I will speak a little to one neighbour, who, I suspect is lonelier than he lets on. Can't say I like him a lot, though.

    I am trying to get out more, needing exercise, wanting to be out of here. I've gone up the road some, but it is so hard to do on my own. I'll go more with my helper, so it is easier for me to endure being in increasing pain while we walk, talk & laugh as we go.

    'Jamie Fleck' is a pseudonym I have made up , simply because I cannot include my actual name (😺 invented & chosen as well), for when I want to post any of my 'serious' writing. I like it a lot, actually, & I may well one day, use it officially - who knows? I don't think of getting published as the goal or purpose for my writing.

    I wrote "Home Again" in 2019. I neglected to record the exact date, so only have the year.

    I am going to have to cancel my home helper, I think, because her time is so difficult to reschedule at this time of year, & she doesn't return until January 4.

    So, I'm trying to keep on top of the most necessary housekeeping too & I spend time looking for stuff I have lost, forgotten where is, or might not even have anymore...

    Personal care....

    Trying to do more exercise while I am here....not much self-discipline....z& I hate how I feel (hot & sweaty) when I do.

    Now, what about you? How do you keep from dwelling on the fact that your polar regions are melting?

    mmMekitty

  29. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3624 posts
    19 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi mmMekitty

    When do you go to hospital and have the surgery? This must be such an anxious time for you. My friends who have had this surgery have all been well and happy since but waiting to go into hospital is always anxiety provoking!

    You have supportive friends here who will be in touch and wanting to know how you are!

    Do you have any plans for Christmas mmMekitty? It's just me and little Sam this year. I have bought him a new toy.

    I was hoping to go to a Christmas church service for the carols and music but with the virus going gang busters in NSW I'm not sure I want to sit indoors with a big crowd of people. I might watch one on my tablet instead. Living alone I don't want to get very sick!

    Anyway just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. 🤗🐕🐾🐾💞👍🍀

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Ggrand
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    Ggrand avatar
    10013 posts
    19 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hello lovely Kitty, and everyone....🤗..

    I have been following your thread and like listening to the conversations going on here.,,,Um..kind of ears dropping 💜...

    I just wanted to call in to say how brave I think you are...and how much you have inspired myself and others reading here...

    Maybe I am the odd one out...because I really do like prunes..and have them as a snack when I’m looking for something sweet but healthy....

    It’s nice that you speak to your neighbour a bit..even though you don’t like him....I didn’t like my neighbour very much at all, because she was so cranky with me after I moved in...maybe because my dogs escaped my yard into hers and was chasing her chickens everywhere 😁...over time I found out that she was lonely and I feel that made her cranky..,,I have grown to care about her and she me as well...a little patience and kindness went a long way to being good neighbours now...She is very controlling though and do need time away from her after she tells me what to do..,in my own yard 😂😂...

    Anyway really just wanted to let you know that, I hope everything goes really good for you with your operation...although I will wish it again as the time approaches closer to the date...

    I will also be here on Christmas Day....as much as I can be....my neighbour has invited me over to hers for Christmas Lunch...because she also lives alone and will be alone on Christmas Day.....

    I know I gabbled on about different things...but I really had an unstoppable urge to jump in on your thread...to chat..

    Take good care of you lovely Kitty....be gentle and kind to yourself...it doesn’t matter how long or what time you need to sleep....your body needs it to restore itself....self care is so important and it doesn’t really pick a time....We just need to be aware of what our mind and body needs and to give ourselves self care when it needs it...

    My kindest thoughts beautiful lady...with caring hugs 🤗..

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful

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