Married 35 +, had/have depression, etc, etc.
Physical love with my wife has been a battle from day 1. This was/is very hard as she is most beautiful with a nature to match. She is a fantastic mother and wife, so the frustration is much worse when I can't show my completeness for her, in a physical way.
I can emphasise with you regarding how the lack of physical love can make you feel inadequate. In my case this has been exaggerated due to the size of my penis. Whilst the has denied this is the reason and it is more than likely not,I have always blamed our lack of intimacy on the size of my member.
Over the years, this has played havoc with my brain, especially when I was depressed, a few years back.
Anyway apart from that, I have a theory based on many talks with women: Women fulfil their destiny throughout their lives with children and keep receiving fulfilment via grandchildren in their older years.
Men on the other hand, marry, then children come along and the tap is turned off by the wife.
We are hard wired for continual procreation of the species and this is denied in most marriages, which produces all sorts of complications.
This I believe is the reason for grumpy old men like myself. Not only has my reason for being been denied, but my station in life is also diminishing as I get older. No one listens as intently as to what i have to say. I'm losing ground to younger men, who are obviously more virulent than I, but I cannot challenge this situation, because the means by which I could, have been taken away from me. (no sex)
Love/marriage is like a wheel with different parts holding it together. If one of these parts are missing the wheel disintegrates.
Simple as that!
So, my advice would be this.
Things are not going to get better unless you become a women and can understand the cryptic clues that they give out under the cover of darkness, so put up with it or leave. Be careful though, the grass is never greener on the other side.