There's a place your head can take you that puts you in the center of the pits of the deepest Blackest darkest place on this Earth.
A 4 hr sleep yesterday awoke with that inside me. It's break through sleep I've had this before and heard here of same for some.
I couldnt shake it but was able to leave it there at times.
Had to get out. That restlessness feeling in the chest. ? Anxiety. Feels like its in the Solar plexis.
Walked to shops slowly with stops cause of the thighs.
We had takeaways. Ate in then walked home in the dark. Not far about 10 mins each way.
IT hovered til sleep. Still waking early but a sleeper gave me more 💤 woke a bit teary but slightly better.
Headaches intermittently over 5 days. They're instant if my heads not in the right place on the pillow. Come on in seconds
Backs easing, not 100% yet but on its way.
I've said over the time here there's two stages to mania.
There's two with this depression too. The usual is incredibly deep & very hard! I'm just starting to crack the surface handling it which at this stage is not letting it take me to suicide. It's an option in this depth that I haven't entertained much as such by not thinking about it. Often it's a choice in the background.
This deeper again that you don't thinks possible is a place my god what words could explain it. Nada.
I thought and how but without the want or further thought
Crying in bits. Happies will come I still have them
I do/dont like people anymore. Don't want to argue will if I have to but many give me the toots. I would them too probs at times. I get on with most well. It's BP
I'm seeing their bad points easier. For yrs I only saw their goods and wore the bad points. Easy target ?
I felt ganged up on here once with a few people disagreeing but it's true. We and I'm to blame as well as much as I try so hard and detest myself let out our problems on other people. It hurts others especially sensitive people. This isn't everyone but how often do you hear if you have an aplology sorry I'm tired/stressed or they won't say that they simply don't give a toss!
I'm ok, can & do function fine-laughing even happy but tiredness let alone extreme & exhaustions energy pulls us down.
The head stops working in parts. Memories a shocker. Reading old notes with unpacking, it was wrecked then too.
Teary today. Maybe more sleep if I can rid this 🤕 Had a 2/3 wk break otherwise most days or catch it early with meds or no pillow laying on my back