CMF, I am so sorry if I made you feel bad for not responding, of course you didn't have to and don't have to talk about your experience. I am so sorry, I feel terrible. You have been through so much, I hope you are able to get some help that suits you. I am glad you are able to see her as a blessing now. I know how you feel, people say all sorts of things that don't help - a lot of people said to me at the time, but he's a good size, which of course made me feel worse because he was so sick but shouldn't have been, and then now they say, but he's so happy, and I think yeah he is, but not all the time and I feel so sad that he is sometimes so unwell but wants to be happy and maybe he wonders why I can't fix him!
We are still trying to get my son comfortable and happy 100% of the time, OK maybe 90% of the time. He has severe reflux, food allergies, eczema and his sleep is terrible. He's pale, probably anaemic. He's having a gastroscopy in a few weeks to see if he has inflammation in his ospheoghaus and/or if he is coeliac. I am coeliac so good chance he is. So many people say 'OH that's terrible' but for me, at least I would know how to deal with it if he is coeliac. I know everything about it, I can manage it. It's all the unknowns that drive me crazy. I like to research everything and learn about it but there are so many things at play that it's pretty hard.
He is the light of my life though and sometimes he'll have a long sleep like he is right now and I'll have time for myself and feel like I can breathe!