I can relate to so much in your post, it's hard to reply properly.
Boundaries, & meeting other's needs & expectations, so difficult to negotiate for a way for everyone to be, if not precisely happy, but okay with where boundaries are set. I struggle with these tings.
I have an occasional conversation with one of my helpers, who forgets, & she, wants to give me hugs, or touches me, then doesn't remember I had said I don't want her doing these things, then goes on , apparently hurt, explaining how she didn't mean harm, or was trying to help, & then, I feel I am expected to accept the contact which is triggering me... & I'm trying to hold my emotions in check, so can't say much in the moment... if I keep allowing myself to be confronted with this problem, will I, with practise, get better at asserting my boundaries? I keep hoping I will, & I will get through to her, because there is much I like about her, & our time together going places, & such.
I'm working on it, because I still have to fully accept my needs are for me, the more important needs for me to consider. I'll compromise too much if I don't, & feel all the worse for the outcomes of having compromised too much.
I still don't know what I'm doing this year. Now my sis & I have been talking a little, it still seems early, even though it is really overdue. Phone at least, I think. I won't wait for her. I will do the phoning myself anyway. I wish I could trust that she would, but I'm not sure. That's as always has been with my family.
I liked the idea of meeting on neutral ground, but we never managed to work that out. If you want to try that, find a public place & invite each, who you are more comfortable with, to meet , say, for lunch. It doesn't even have to be exactly on Xmas day. Do you think this is possible?