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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Can depression cause loss of love

Topic: Can depression cause loss of love

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Lost7616
    Lost7616 avatar
    4 posts
    18 July 2016

    Hi I'm new to this and I'm looking for some answers

    my husband after a disagreement 3 weeks ago told me his unsure if he loves me any more and that he doesn't feel the same

    fast forward a few weeks he has been diagnosed with mild PTSD , depression and anxiety .

    its like one morning he woke up and was someone else, we have been married 8yrs and have had our ups and downs 4years ago when starting a Fifo job he had an affair which broke my heart . We worked through it and I believed we came out stronger and closer (I know that there is no excuse for that but looking back I feel maybe it was a cry for help)

    he has over the years had moments of anger and rage (especially when drinking) tears feeling hopeless , blaming himself for deaths (he is a fireman) but they would be bought up then not mentioned again

    he hurt himself oct 15 and was off work until March 16 I know this took its toll on him, he has also had the worry of his 2 younger brothers who have been caught up in a situation with possibility of going to jail !

    On his 40th bday in May he broke down in tears told me he doesn't know how he would cope if the worst happens about his brothers! He feels he hasn't been able to talk to his parents (who he would normally go to ) because of the stress they have for his brothers

    he tells me he resents me for things I have said like " I didn't marry me father" and blames us for our financial position

    I guess I'm just lost I don't know what happened to my affectionate happy loving husband! Is it because of me his depressed

    i feel like we have been through way to much to not fight for our love but feel like his given up, is the resentment , questioning the love are these things normal for a person to feel, I ask him do you love me he says "I don't know , I care about you, I miss you sometimes"

    he still does FIFO 7 days away 7 home he loves his job , he doesn't msg me like he used to and only occasionally I get an I love you back when I say it to him on the phone

    Before I left last time he advised me his councillor said she can not tell him what to do but suggested he doesn't make an decisions about us ATM with how he is feeling as she said his broken!

    I offered when his home that he could stay in the house with our 2 kids and I will stay somewhere else if he needs space, is this the right thing to do ?

    I'm just lost, scared, worried and trying to understand

  2. Lost7616
    Lost7616 avatar
    4 posts
    18 July 2016

    Sorry I meant he blames me for our financial debt!

    and when I offered to go next time he was home he didn't really give me an answer , should I let him sleep for space of he wants it not offer it? Or I just need help and understanding

  3. Lost7616
    Lost7616 avatar
    4 posts
    18 July 2016 in reply to Lost7616

    Argh is it possible to edit a post once it has been posted or to delete a thread you have put up!!

  4. Apollo Black
    Apollo Black avatar
    401 posts
    19 July 2016 in reply to Lost7616

    Hi Lost

    I'm sorry for your situation. I'd like to first up welcome you here to the forum. Unfortunately you can't edit posts, which is quite annoying. Definitely a great bunch of people here. It sounds like you both have a few stressors at the moment.

    Can I just ask - how is your husband a fireman but also does FIFO, or is that part of the same job? How long for has he not been a happy loving husband in your eyes? What's he like when he is at home for seven days? Why does he blame you for your financial situation?

    Sorry about all the questions but exploring this a little further might help. From what you're saying I cannot see that you've done anything wrong so I'm struggling to see why you should give him space. As it stands he's away for 7 days anyway... Why are you offering to go?

  5. Lost7616
    Lost7616 avatar
    4 posts
    19 July 2016 in reply to Apollo Black

    Hi and thanks for your response,

    yes correct he is a fire/emergency services in the mines

    just a few mths, seemed distant I would ask if he was ok and we were ok he would say yes

    before he told me how he felt he seemed OK a little sluggish spending his time watching Netflix, getting a bit frustrated at me when I would come home from work and asked what he done for the day

    im not sure I guess because I have always done the financial side paying bills etc

    up until he told me how he felt he would say he missed me , loved me and was looking forward to coming home

    last swing he came home he said he had been anxious all day before his flight home, I asked was it because he was coming home to me he said he didn't know

    I'm just so worried about him, scared of losing him, and just trying to understand

    he accuses me of not trusting him (which given the past at times I do maybe over question things) but I do trust him I know he regrets what he did and hates that he hurt me

    I just don't know what to do, I ask about offering him space as I'm not sure if that's something he needs to help himself get through what's going on with him , I find it hard to address us , last time I did he accused me saying "not everything is about you "

    feeling lost I don't wanna push him away further I don't know do I just take a step back let him call me if he wants, let him msg etc or do I just continue as normal

  6. Apollo Black
    Apollo Black avatar
    401 posts
    19 July 2016 in reply to Lost7616

    Hi again

    There's so many variables it's hard over the internet. I mean I used to hate being asked what I had done during the day, but I think that was something from my childhood and I never appreciated that people were genuinely interested in my day. Maybe just stop asking him for now. Do you feel like the more you try the further he is pushing away??

    Why would he now accuse you of not trusting him? Has he displayed behaviours that might make you suspicious? From my perspective you have every right to be wary and given his recent behaviour (yes I am aware that depression and other mental health problems affect relationships) I would be suspicious of an affair. You have every right to know he is being faithful.

    I would think that first and foremost he gets some decent psychological help - and considering his expressions of being uncertain of his love for you I would be asking for some marriage counselling. Do you have a good friend you can talk through this with? This is hard to deal with on your own.

    I'm still unclear about how you offering him space for his issue is appropriate. I wouldn't do it. Maybe do what you suggested - as hard as it might seem take a step back for a bit, talk to a trusted friend, do some good things for you. I'm assuming he's away at present?? If so let him call you perhaps.

  7. sydneyharbour17
    sydneyharbour17 avatar
    32 posts
    20 July 2016 in reply to Lost7616

    Hello Lost and welcome to the forums.

    Your situation is very similar to mine. My ex-boyfriend seemingly woke up one day and completely changed personality. During the third year of our relationship he went from a quiet, loving, caring, 'would never hurt a fly' type person to an arrogant, lying, manipulative, drug-abusing douche. Shortly before we broke up he revealed that he had severe depression for the last year (and thus during the change) which he had not told anyone about. He told me he wasn't sure how he felt about me anymore and I suggested that this may be due to the depression and that perhaps he should see someone before making any rash decisions. He went and saw someone from a grand total of one session before giving up and breaking up with me. Since the break-up his behaviour has not changed and despite both his family and I reaching out to him to get help he flat-out refuses.

    I honestly believe that his depression played a huge part in his loss of feelings and decision to leave me as prior to the time he indicated that his depression started, our relationship could not have been better.

    I'm not sure what advice to give you but just know that you are not alone. I hope your husband continues to see his therapists as this should reveal what is truly going on.

    Much love xx

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