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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Deleted from my daughter’s life

Topic: Deleted from my daughter’s life

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Scotty68
    Scotty68 avatar
    2 posts
    22 March 2021

    I live in a loveless relationship of convenience. My (ex) partner has erased me from her past and present, although we still live under the same roof. Neither of us has acknowledged to the other that’s it’s over. I suffer from extremely low self esteem and can’t bear to jeopardise the fragment of normalcy our relationship provides.

    From her side, I assume she just wants me around to provide a household income and support her retail requirements, although she Is often jealous of other families better financial circumstances.

    i can accept all of this. What upsets me tremendously is that we have a 17 yo daughter who has and is effectively being raised as a single parent child. My partner has basically excluded me from her life as I have been erased from hers. Since she hasn’t worked since our daughter was born, she’s had the opportunity to micromanage every aspect of our daughters life - school, activities etc. I’m not involved in anything really. I don’t go to parent/teacher nights because I I’m not told about them and when I do know, it’s made clear that she will be going.

    obviously this situation is very messed up for me. I have one child and have missed out on a lot of her childhood while living under the same roof as her dad. Ironically, I think I would be more involved in her life if her mother and I were living apart.

    i guess what I’m looking for with respect to support is perhaps some feedback on why this is happening. I know it takes two to tangle and the situation could not be so bad without me allowing it to. My lack of self esteem has really made it hard to voice my frustration.

    What I dont understand is whether my partner is actually aware that her actions are causing me such sadness. Perhaps she doesn’t know that what she is doing is not right. This would simply make her very selfish and unempathetic.

    Or is she completely aware and actively seeking to erase me from our daughter’s life.

    i genuinely don’t know the answer to this and would appreciate feedback from anyone who has experience in this situation or simply has a better insight into this than I do. Thankyou.

    .

  2. CalmCat
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
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    CalmCat avatar
    354 posts
    22 March 2021 in reply to Scotty68

    Hi Scotty68,

    Thank you so much for sharing something so close to your heart, these must be trying times for you.

    Have you tried various communication methods with your partner? Write a letter, or joint counselling with a professional? Allowing you to share your feelings? If not, definitely give it a go to actually see where your partner stands also allowing you to share your boundaries and feelings.

    A positive I got from reading your post was that your daughter is 17, this means one more year till she makes her own decisions right? I can tell your a loving and devoted dad that a daughter couldn't live without. I have a good feeling you'll see more of her as your daughter will be free from the micromanaging you've mentioned.

    Or another idea is take your daughter out for lunch, or the movies or go shopping together, connect as much as you can.

    If you want to have a general chat with some Beyond Blue a call, they could give you further tips and hints to make things better, 1300 22 4636.

    Good luck and let us know how you go.

    Regards,

    CC

  3. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12372 posts
    22 March 2021 in reply to Scotty68

    Scotty

    welcome to the forum and thanks for reaching out.

    I can feel your frustration and your disappointment that you don’t have much to do with your daughters life.

    Doz has given helpful suggestions.

    I wonder can you text her or message her to keep in touch.

    Can you find something she likes you can do together may help.

    keep posting here if you like.

  4. Sweesoft
    Sweesoft avatar
    60 posts
    22 March 2021 in reply to Scotty68

    Hi,

    I'm sorry for what you are going through. I couldn't say that I completely understand, but I think you need to speak up. You can't let this continue to happen. Eventually, it will take a toll on your health. There's no other way but to talk. She has to know what she's doing to you. From there, you can decide what your next move will be. As of now, take the first step.

  5. Scotty68
    Scotty68 avatar
    2 posts
    27 March 2021 in reply to Sweesoft

    Thank you for your words. I I can think about is that speaking out will lead to a break-up with disastrous financial consequences for us. Plus I have no real prospect of pursuing a more loving relationship due to low self esteem caused by a personal issue.

    So I'm just staggering along it would seem, taking the punches and biting my tongue. Fairly pathetic but I just can't see an avenue out of this situation that is less painful.

    I appreciate your advise. Cheers

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