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Forums / Relationship and family issues / FIFO WORKER - my ex is using my son as a pawn

Topic: FIFO WORKER - my ex is using my son as a pawn

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Becka1972
    Becka1972 avatar
    1 posts
    10 July 2021

    Hi Everyone

    Hope you are well, over the last 12 months my ex constantly tries to intimidate me, threaten me, and try and coerce my beautiful boy who is cared for my Dad whilst I’m away. I’m currently in quarantine in WA (negative results came back) 😛 - but he is now trying to drag in that there is no support for my son amongst other things. I’m working away to save the money to pay the cruel person he is out. This cruel person does not pay child maintenance, does nothing have his own home, has had multiple girlfriends and his own other children are reluctant to speak with him. I lost my second eldest to suicide and I’m still suffering badly and I have never stopped him from seeing his son, never asked him for help and played nice. In the last week I have had very very little sleep and this cruel person is and has only taken his son on school holiday possibly 3-4 weeks in the last 4 years. He never assisted when the schools shutdown with Covid and home schooling and I’m absolutely lost as to why this cruel man forceably made me contact child support and make it a private agreement. That was 12 months ago and I still haven’t seen a single cent. It doesn’t bother me, but why are they so cruel. 😪😪😪

  2. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    10 July 2021 in reply to Becka1972

    G'day Becka1972,

    I was born in '72, it was a good year hey! Thanks for sharing a little of your story with us here on bb.

    Yeh mate, great question "why are they so cruel"? I don't much understand cruelty either, seems like one of those things that hurts oneself and others... so why be that!

    I know a few men who are fathers and estranged from their ex. Everyone of them was/is really angry with the ex and expressed to me that they think Government/law discriminates against men/fathers regarding custody rights/responsibilities about children.

    One father has no access to "his" daughter because he is a convicted violent criminal. It is horrible to read what he expresses about his ex, an ex he assaulted, which was the cause of the breakup of course. I just don't understand how he can reconcile actually physically assaulting a mother with his expressed belief that he is the one hard done by. wtf!

    Toxic anger and cruelty are a way of life for some and there may be no way around that, no fixing it, no understanding it.

    I aim to stay away from cruelty and recommend you do to.

  3. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10375 posts
    10 July 2021 in reply to Becka1972

    Dear Becka1972~

    It is pretty obvious you love your son very much and are doing everything you can to make his life as good as possible.

    It is also pretty obvious that your ex is a completely different type of person and by the sound of it is using that love you have as a weapon against you. After all it is probably the most effective one he has. It causes you great greif and as such he would see himself as being successful

    Yes, extreme cruelty.

    I can't answer why some peple are cruel, it is a fact of nature in the same way as some are born empathetic loving and kind. It just is, though that can be had to believe about someone you once loved and thought good.

    I'd like to ask two things, the first being do you have proper legal advice, or have you been winging it using your own judgment? It does take an expert to successfully lead you though the maze of complications on separation.

    The second is about your own welfare. While I'm glad the test came back negative that is not the only concern, as you are in a highly stressful situation. Under such circumstances I've needed both medical and family support (for a different matter)

    So may I ask do you have medical support, if not a long consultation wiht your GP setting out the details could be of great help.

    The other thing is who you can talk to frankly and share the burden. Now is the time to lean on someone who cares - it makes a surprising difference to the load, as I found out by confiding in my wife who became a tower of strength and common sense.

    Can you talk to your dad or someone else?

    Please let us know how you are getting on

    Croix

  4. Summer Rose
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Summer Rose avatar
    1558 posts
    10 July 2021 in reply to Becka1972

    Hi Becka1972

    Welcome to the bb forum and thank you for sharing your story.

    You certainly have a lot on your plate right now and I’m really glad that you found your way here. Please know that you have arrived at a place of non-judgemental support.

    The first thing I want to say is that I am very sorry for the loss of your son. I can only imagine your pain and sadness in dealing with this tragedy—sending you a hug.

    Your ex sounds like a heartless and bitter man. Like you, I struggle to understand his behaviour but for whatever reason he does seem intent on hurting you.

    I’m wondering if you think it might help you to talk with a counsellor? You might be able to devise some coping strategies and ways to manage his behaviour.

    If you’re interested you can start by talking with your GP when you get home (book a double appointment so you’re not rushed). Your GP can then prepare a mental health care plan and make a referral to the right type of practitioner to help.

    You hang in there and stay safe.

    Kind thoughts to you

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