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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Husband moves out

Topic: Husband moves out

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. kowhai
    kowhai avatar
    3 posts
    27 May 2021

    hi there .. this is my first time writing on a forum and i'm just not sure where else to turn. short story is my husband and best friend has chronic anxiety, trauma and now depression. he has daily suicidal thoughts and talks about needing to 'create space' for himself. we have 2 children (7 and 9) one of which is particularly high energy. his anxiety has kept him 'stuck' for many years and as a result our dreams and plans have been shelved/ignored and our home is a constant unfinished project. i have tried to give him space, freedom, time .. i have never complained about being the sole breadwinner in the family and have never applied any pressure to him but as a result i feel the 'stuck' situation just becomes more real. this morning he announced that he needs to leave to stay at a friend's house to give himself more space as his psychologist that he visits weekly is 'worried about him' and fears if he continues on the path he is on he will end up in hospital or dead .. i have tried to discuss medication with him for his depression but he just says he has tried everything - as a result he uses alcohol and doesn't sleep. he is concerned that he is a 'bad parent' and wants the space to 'make himself a better parent and husband'. i am not sure our marriage will survive this and i feel as though i have lost my best friend. i have to try and remain upbeat about the situation for our kids but just feel upset, hurt and deserted. i am wondering if anyone has any advice who might have a better understanding of his current mental state than me. thank you :)

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5917 posts
    27 May 2021 in reply to kowhai
    Hey Kowhai, welcome to our online community. We're really glad that you’ve joined us here. It sounds like you’re really concerned about your husband and the toll things are taking on you and your family.

    If you would like some additional help finding support for your husband, we would recommend that you get in contact with MensLine Australia who provide a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men or those concerned about a male. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 anytime or https://mensline.org.au/
  3. kowhai
    kowhai avatar
    3 posts
    27 May 2021 in reply to Sophie_M
    honestly i am tired of trying to help my husband.. and i feel horribly guilty for this. i'm tired of our world revolving (or not revolving) around my husband's mental health. i feel there is plenty of support for those with mental health issues but there is not much for those of us left behind to pick up the pieces. i feel this way and then i feel guilty again because his path is always harder right? anyway.. thank you for the advice and offer of support.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15288 posts
    27 May 2021 in reply to kowhai

    Hello Kowhai, and a warm welcome to the site, I am terribly sorry that you are in this position, as I was in exactly the situation as your husband and know that not only he needs help but also realise that you should also be talking to someone, starting with your doctor, that's something my ex didn't do, unfortunately.

    When your husband has chronic anxiety, trauma and now depression and daily suicidal thoughts then as much as you love him, anything you do to try and help him, he may not be able to respond to, only because of his illness and please you shouldn't take any blame at all, something you need to realise, and in saying that, it means that you need help just as well as he does because you have yourself and your 2 young kids who will be asking you questions, that you might not be able to answer.

    Help for these 2 can be found on Kids Helpline, 1800 55 1800 by trained counsellors, who dress in casual clothes, which can break down a barrier and make it much easier for them to talk to.

    Some people suffering use alcohol as a self medication, that's what I did and in hindsight, I wish I hadn't, but I can't change past tense, now I don't drink at all.

    It's not easy for someone suffering to understand the love shown by their family and it's impossible for them to even mention this to another person, simply because this illness prevents them from knowing what it actually means.

    One way to understand what this means is to talk with your doctor, where they may suggest offering you a 'mental health plan', which entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions per year, although because of this virus you may be able to have more sessions, your doctor will know.

    At the moment please look after yourself and your two kids, as this is your thread, but please come back so we can talk about your husband and ask any question you like.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  5. kowhai
    kowhai avatar
    3 posts
    27 May 2021 in reply to geoff

    Thank you so much Geoff .. I appreciate your insight and honesty .. it helps to hear from someone on the other side

    maree

  6. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15288 posts
    28 May 2021 in reply to kowhai

    Hello Maree, thanks for getting back and we hope you are able to let us know how it's going as we know it's a very difficult situation you're in and realise it does seem to be a great concern.

    Please ask any question that troubles you.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

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