Dear Willow Jade and Croix,
Thank you so much for your advice. It has helped greatly and made me shift my thinking. Calmed me down I guess.
I think the texts upset me because they open up the wounds. The rejection and loss, the idea that she is with someone else, that she stopped loving me. They make me ruminate and I go over everything in my mind. When we are not communicating, it's more low-level and sitting in the background and I can more easily (though not totally) distract myself. Work helps with that.
I'm not a social person, not a 'talker', very private, so I find councillors/talking to professionals/resuming social life suggestions really difficult to consider or follow through on. I will check out the suggested website though. Thank you.
'Blocking' is rather drastic, I know. I have decided not to 'block' or suggest 'no contact' for the moment after thinking about what you have both suggested and giving it some more of my own thought. I'm just going to let it lie for a bit and if she does text, try not to get consumed by it. If I do get consumed, I'll reconsider.
I'm very sure we will never go back to being the friends we were before we got involved in a relationship, trust is gone. Not just the breakup but also some of her actions and comments afterwards. I suppose I'm still hanging on to the possibility even if it is by a thread though I know ultimately I couldn't or wouldn't accept her friendship again even if it was offered.
Just talking about it here has made me feel a bit better - getting it said and being heard.