Welcome to Beyondblue. Thanks for engaging in the forums and sharing your story with us.
I wanted to draw your attention to your comment "I try to keep as busy as possible to keep my mind off bad stuff". This is a great form of distraction, however a really unhelpful for of avoidance. There's a huge difference between the two. Avoidance is pushing a problem aside, with no intention to come back and deal with it. Distraction is about taking your mind off of a problem for a short while with the intent of coming back to it and working through it. I wanted to ask whether you feel you are distracting or avoiding?
Are you seeing a therapist at the moment? Do you take medication for your depression?
I'm also wondering whether it's worthwhile you exploring what it's like for you to be in solitude? Often when we are in the depths of depression, solitude can sound like a really horrible word. The thing is, we need to be comfortable with being on our own. We need to be able to soothe ourselves, and not be dependent on others doing this for us.
I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and one of the traits of this illness is an absolute fear of abandonment, real or imagined. So I completely get what it feels like when people leave you in for just a short while and yet you feel like your whole world is crashing down. Self Soothing Techniques are really good for this. I can suggest some, but you may also like to explore the internet for more and speak with a Psychologist about supporting you to do this. Some methods are:
1. Focusing on the presence that your loved one has in your life. I'll try to explain this as best I can, it's something that I had to do recently when my partner went away. You know when you're at work and you think about your girlfriend, it's highly possible that she's thinking of you too. This is what I mean by presence. She never really leaves you, she's in your mind, your heart, and takes up a part of your soul.
2. Finding something that makes you feel pampered. Maybe it's a bath with a muscle soothing bath gel.
3. Using mindfulness. A method of keeping you aware of the present. It helps to stop past and future thinking. (I'll let you google this)
4. Mental Imagery. Imagine a safe space, maybe you're there alone, maybe your girlfriend is there with you. Explore this space in your mind, recognise how you feel there, curiously look at all the objects there etc.
Hope to hear back from you.