my wife and I have a rollercoaster past with a history of arguments, dark patches and she has extreme mood swings, that appear to coincide with hormones (be it PMT or pregnancy). Either way she has unpredictable moods that are either happy/easy or extreme irritability - historically the irritability made much much worse by pregnancy or post-natal timing.
She said she wanted a 3rd child last year, and after her testing her ovulation, at 43 we got pregnant. She then decided immediately it was a "mistake" and we fought for weeks about termination before deciding to proceed. (her, begrudgingly) - so this feels like a begrudging pregnancy even though she wanted it.
Ever since, all we do every day is fight and scream at each other. Usually at me, and usually over small things that she blows up at (buying the "wrong" vinegar, doing the laundry "wrong"). Its non stop and I am walking on egg shells, constantly in fear. There is zero intimacy, and I now sleep in a separate room. I have told her she is unrecognisable from who she was when I married her. Things were ok (7 out of 10) before we got pregnant. Now they are 2 out of 10. (Maybe a 1 some days)
Her mood swings started immediately when she conceived. She is now the anti-christ. I have never witnessed such unrelenting rage, negativity towards me, towards my family and towards the incoming fetus, even in past pregnancies.
We have tried a couple of counsellors, one of which told her if she continues, she is likely to lose her marriage. That didnt help.
She refuses to try more counsellors.
I have told her "3 things I can do to help with our issues" and explained what I can do to reduce tension. When I asked her what she can change for her part, it just made her angry that I even asked the question. I told her a love-less marriage isnt working for me, and we cannot continue like this. I told her its not fair on the kids too.
I feel like leaving her. I need to get away from her anger, her non stop criticism and vitriol, and I am worried about the anger and fights impacting on our 2 year and 4 year old. Not to mention bringing a baby into a hateful marriage..I just want it to stop. She hates me
What do I do?