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Topic: Why

24 posts, 0 answered
  1. 1967
    1967 avatar
    8 posts
    17 July 2021
    I'm new and the past 12 months have been well not kind, my wife devorced me I can not hold a job longer the 3 mouth's before I have a breakdown, and recently I have started dumping/ saying to family and friends don't contact me and delete any contact info they have on me. I cry for no reason just out of the blue and find the only way I'm coming is drinking in the afternoon and then going to sleep only to wake up at 3am and starting the whole day the same, I don't know what I want out of this Forum or if it may help I just don't know.
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5948 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to 1967
    Hi 1967,

    Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support, you also never know who will read this post and feel less alone in their own experiences. We are sorry to hear that your relationship has come to an end and that it is making you feel this way. We know that changes in out personal life can have a profound impact on how we feel and our sense of self. It sounds like it has been an especially difficult time for you. Please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

    If you would like to talk to someone we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

    We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

    Thank you again for being brave and for sharing here today. Please feel free to check back in and update the community on how you are going if you feel comfortable doing so. 
  3. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to 1967

    1967 said:I'm new and ...snip... I don't know what I want out of this Forum or if it may help I just don't know.

    G'day 1967, I'm kinda newish here too, joined in Feb but only been hanging out more these last few months.

    I too have felt like I didn't even know what I wanted. Which turned out to be interesting because, I realised I wanted to know what I wanted. Just that intention of wanting to know was brilliant!

    I hung onto it. I discovered, nope, didn't want friends, didn't want sport, didn't want phone calls, didn't want food, didn't want alcohol, all the didn't wants started piling up higher and higher -so I acknowledged that and let them all go.

    And abided there for a while.

    .

    .

    I discovered that even though I wanted nothing, that I also didn't want cold feet.

    So I put on my best thick socks, in my best threadbare ugg boots, wrapped myself in my best sleeping bag, next to the best heater I had and I took comfort that I had discovered something I wanted.

    I wanted warm feet.

    Turns out I occasionally still get cold feet from my T2 diabetes, but damn me I'm going to aim to keep them warm!

    So I suggest you start with listing your survival needs. You want to survive right!

    4 people found this helpful
  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15318 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to 1967

    Hello 1967, welcome to the site, and you're not alone, many people join the forums unexpected of what may happen and when they can connect with one person or in turn, several people who know exactly how they're feeling, that's when they begin to comfortable, we hope this also happens with you.

    Being divorced can be the beginning for someone to show signs that depression/anxiety has started, not that I'm qualified to say, but know from my situation it had already begun before my divorce and only made me feel worse, unsure of who to turn to, although I was seeking help from a psychologist, but this put another dimension on my therapy.

    I was already drinking, using it as a self medication and understand exactly what you have said and every morning was the same as the day before, just as I thought the same would happen tomorrow.

    You have had Sophie_M, David and myself reply back to you and hope we and anyone else can continue your thread, as it is important for those who can relate to what you've said, talk with you.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    3 people found this helpful
  5. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to 1967

    1967. +1 day. Good job...

    Happy 1 day anniversary 1967, SURPRISE! It’s the BB crew.

    I’m nice and loud so you hear me come in, It’s safe here, you’re ok now, we’re ok now too!


    Cheers 1967 and everyone!

    This rounds on me.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    Hello 1967.

    You've made it to +1 day and 1 hour, good job...

    We keep the lights lower now, but still observe.

    peaceful dreams friend.

  7. 1967
    1967 avatar
    8 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    Yep 1 day plus 1hr but it still is the same as the other day, but reading this forum is good and I don't feel so alone which is good. So time will tell thankyou again for your kind words
    2 people found this helpful
  8. JimmyT46
    JimmyT46 avatar
    9 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to 1967

    Hey 1967,

    That post David lifted my spirits, and it isn't even aimed at me.

    I'm in the same boat, I still see my ex all the time, which has its own pitfalls.

    You are not alone, not in life and not in experience.

    I dont have any socks on but I haven't gotten out of bed yet... I am super warm though. It truly is the little things that make you happy that matter.

    I always find a good cup of tea and/or coffee help me. Twinings make Australian Afternoon tea... it's like the best tea ever made..

    Make Sunday look after your taste buds day :)

    Cheers,

    JT

  9. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to 1967

    Wonderful to feel connection!

  10. 1967
    1967 avatar
    8 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to JimmyT46
    No I don't think this what I'm after be good and be safe
  11. 1967
    1967 avatar
    8 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    All I want is my dog to be looked after
    1 person found this helpful
  12. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15318 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to 1967

    Hello 1967, remember no one can look after your dog the same way you do.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  13. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to 1967

    1967, What canine do you own?

    I have two beagle crosses, one a whippet X, the other a cavalier X.

  14. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to 1967

    Right then, lets make a plan. All 1967 wants is their dog looked after.

    Please describe in detail to us your dog. The more we know about the dog the better we can advise...

    What's your dogs favourite foods? = buy them all! Make the dog feel like its christmas morning.

    What's your dogs lead condition in? = sentimentally good, or in need of a new flash one?

    When did your dog last get a vet check up? Book one maybe.

    When did your dog last have a bath and a groom? Do it yourself, or book one from a well respected pro.

    When did your dog last meet other dogs? Doggy play dates!

    How close is your local dog park and what does your dog do when there?

    Is your dog warm enough this winter, blanket on bed, doggy overcoat, that kind of thing?

    Ya with me mate, we can work with that...

    dng

  15. JimmyT46
    JimmyT46 avatar
    9 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to 1967

    Hey 1967,

    I know it's not what your after I didn't mean to be flippant.

    My ex cheated on me about 6 months ago and I turn into a blubbering mess all the time.

    I still have to live in the same house because of Covid and it drives me crackers.

    I have 3 kids whom I'm now faced with not seeing all the time, which is deeply crushing.

    I guess my point is, your not alone in these feelings and jokes sometimes don't help. My friends told jokes at work today on Messenger and I told them I wouldn't talk to them for the rest of the day. Even now I know that was dumb they didn't do anything wrong. That's my fault because I can feel myself cutting people out of my life because I want to brood in my unhappiness to make it feel more real, it's almost like if I don't brood, it makes it easier for her to move on, so I've gotta try and make her feel guilty for what she's done.

    And as I write this I realise that is just pushing her away further, and I'm even unhappier and more alone.

    Being alone sucks and brooding over what is lost isn't helping me, I hope you can see what I'm saying here.

    I think 1967 you need as many other people in your life as possible... they're not always going to offer the salvation you desire but over time other people will help you find yourself.

    It's slowly becoming clear to me that I need to find my identity outside of my relationship and find me, there must be a fun interesting version of me in there somewhere. I'm an Engineer so I'm not sure, but jokes aside, 1967 ur an important person and I'm sure you have a lot to contribute, you need to realise that and it'll need to come from you.

    Go out and volunteer, the RSPCA are always looking for help and you get to hang with animals the whole time you are there. Let's face it animals are better than humans :)

    I hope this message finds you in good spirits 1967... and best of luck.

    1 person found this helpful
  16. 1967
    1967 avatar
    8 posts
    21 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    Lab X German Shepherd best friend I have
    1 person found this helpful
  17. 1967
    1967 avatar
    8 posts
    21 July 2021 in reply to geoff
    I started back on medication and stopped drinking as of 3 days ago to try and sort thing's out, it's not easy and the feeling is not great, but I will give it a go. Thanks for the kind words
    3 people found this helpful
  18. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    21 July 2021 in reply to 1967
    How often do ya walk the dog 1967? Great to hear you're off the plonk, good job.
  19. JimmyT46
    JimmyT46 avatar
    9 posts
    22 July 2021 in reply to 1967

    Great stuff 1967, wow I'd love a lab and a German shepherd... my mum has had a few german shepherds in her life...they r just the best.

    How good is he/she at fetching stuff? I've never been able to get my dog to fetch anything properly.

    Good work with the meds, day at a time.

  20. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    23 July 2021 in reply to 1967
    Afternoon 1967, my dog buffy says "woof" to your german x lab. How's today passing by? love dng.
  21. 1967
    1967 avatar
    8 posts
    24 July 2021 in reply to JimmyT46
    She a great dog and loves to play around and is always there for me,
  22. 1967
    1967 avatar
    8 posts
    24 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    The days are getting slightly better and I'm still waiting for the medication to kick in and that should sort some problems out.
  23. WaterFront
    WaterFront avatar
    65 posts
    24 July 2021 in reply to 1967
    That's good to hear 1967. It does get better. My dog's name is Charlie by the way and he is also a great friend to me.
  24. JimmyT46
    JimmyT46 avatar
    9 posts
    24 July 2021 in reply to 1967

    Hey 1967,

    Great to hear the your days have been better. My dogs name is Tess, she is very loving, especially with kids.

    Good to hear the meds will soon be helping.

    Have you been able to get out lately with the puppy?

    Cheers

    JT

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