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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Gay and single in Adelaide and difficulty socialising

Topic: Gay and single in Adelaide and difficulty socialising

14 posts, 0 answered
  1. MitchL
    MitchL avatar
    5 posts
    11 March 2018

    Hi everyone. I am new here.

    I live in Adelaide, I am gay and I am pretty much struggling to find a partner and maintaining a circle of friends. I came across a message from a user who said the following about the dating apps "I was mostly ignored and came away feeling annoyed and frustrated. I did my best to relate to others and tried to find a connection with someone, but I felt as though I was wasting my time because my effort and enthusiasm was not reciprocated." This is exactly what I have been going through myself. In addition, the circle of friends I have are mostly couples who have their own schedule and I see them very rarely and it is usually me who has to take the initiative and organize something. Even then it might take ages for us to decide on a date, time and place.

    I was wondering if there is anyone out there from Adelaide who has been experiencing the same issues and if you would have any tips/suggestions for me, as I have reached a stage where this is getting me down.

    Thank you in advance. Have a great day.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Just Sara
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Just Sara avatar
    3258 posts
    11 March 2018 in reply to MitchL

    Hi and welcome Mitch;

    You must be feeling quite frustrated with your situation atm to come to BB for help. I hope you're not struggling too much.

    I'm not from Adelaide so unfortunately I can't comment on the scene there, but thought I'd drop you a line.

    I guess loneliness hits us all at some stage of our lives; some deal with it better than others. The dating scene can be somewhat unpleasant for those who're a bit reserved (like me)

    Joining a club that suits your interests could be a good place to start. In Sydney there's a huge set-up to help out with the annual Mardi-Gras. Maybe a sporting or book club? I'm guessing of course, but you get my meaning yeah?

    What about travel? There are groups who travel together nationally as well as overseas.

    I wish I could be more help Mitch, but I'm sort of used to replying to people with MH issues.

    We have a thread in the Social Zone section called the 'Transcendental Rainbow Cafe' where LGBTI members sometime visit for a chat. It's been quiet for a while, but if you check in, things might spark up. I'll keep an eye out for you ok.

    Btw, I tried a same sex dating site and went out with someone I learned (the hard way) was a sexual predator. (Shaking my head) It takes all sorts so please take care of yourself hun.

    Not sure what else I can help you with I'm afraid. Please feel free to write here and talk about any issues you have ok. I'm a great listener.. :-) Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

    Kind thoughts;

    Sez

    1 person found this helpful
  3. MitchL
    MitchL avatar
    5 posts
    11 March 2018 in reply to Just Sara

    Hi Sez,

    Thank you for your response.

    I am sorry to hear about your bad experience, I really hope you didn't find out about that the hard way and that you have found a way to get over that.

    It is funny you should mention travelling, cause this is something I really want to do but I don't drive, so I have to rely on public transport. I really want to travel around Australia.

    I am actually searching for different groups, but I find that either the groups are not active or the members are mostly women (no offense at all to women, but you get what I mean, me being gay and all lol).

    I know there's also companies that organize trips for singles in an attempt to matchmake people, but you really have to be wealthy to afford the money they are asking...

    So I really don't know. If you can thing of anything or anyone that can help, feel free to let me know.

    Thanks again for reading me.

    Take care of yourself.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. MitchL
    MitchL avatar
    5 posts
    11 March 2018 in reply to Just Sara

    Sorry, I just reread what happened to you and I saw "the hard way".

    I am so sorry again.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Just Sara
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Just Sara avatar
    3258 posts
    12 March 2018 in reply to MitchL

    Hey, no worries Mitch. You're one of the good guys so I'm sure there's a great 'someone' out there waiting in the wings.

    Thankyou for your empathy too. Live, learn and grow...

    Good luck xo

  6. BluHusky
    BluHusky avatar
    1 posts
    8 April 2018

    Hey Mitch,

    I have also just arrived in Adelaide and is feeling the same way as you. I am gay and also hope to look for friends and a meaningful connection with a special one.

    Looking forward to your reply soon

    1 person found this helpful
  7. MitchL
    MitchL avatar
    5 posts
    8 April 2018 in reply to BluHusky
    Hi BluHusky. Thanks for your message. I'm glad I am not the only one feeling like this. Where do you come from? Have you moved here permanently or are you here temporarily? I hope you'll like Adelaide as much as I do. I look forward to hearing more about you. Have a great day.
  8. Stkildadan
    Stkildadan avatar
    1 posts
    14 May 2019 in reply to MitchL

    Hi mate,

    as a gay guy who moved to adelaide 2 years ago, I have also struggled with this town. I have lived in many cities but adelaide is a very clicky town. I find I just end up doing activities alone because everyone is either in a relationship or bot interested

    You are not alone.

    I love to get myself outdoors and to the beach. The hills are great to get some fresh air and clear your head.

    I'm looking at joining some groups or clubs.

    Let me know how you are going

    A

  9. Only I know
    Only I know avatar
    197 posts
    14 May 2019 in reply to MitchL

    Hey there mitch

    sorry to hear that you are feeling a little down and struggling. I'm not in Adelaide - but Victoria. I only came out 12 mths ago at 47 and after a 21 years of a faithful and monogamous marriage. I didn't know what to do to go out and meet other gay guys, not necessarily for a relationship or experience, but just to make friends and socialise with likeminded people. Everything else would take care of itself I guess.

    Someone put me onto "Team Melbourne" which is a website that brought together a whole heap of different LGBT sporting groups, and I joined up with the Running/Walking group, and now every Saturday morning I walk around the botanical gardens with the group and have coffee afterwards. It is nice to get out and talk to other guys.

    Someone also put me on to the "Meetup" app. This is a social app - NOT a dating app. there are all sorts of groups on there, from (heaps of) lgbt groups as well as non lgbt groups like dog walking groups! I have now made quite a number of friends from attending events that the groups create. For instance back in March, a group posted that they were going to go to Daylesford (country vic) for the day to go to the Chillout festival. So I went along, and from that I have made new friends (2 sets!) that I regularly catch up with. It is really nice. I've been to other group events too, some I've made other friends, some events didn't do much for me so I haven't been back.

    So perhaps try looking up Team Adelaide, there are a number of LGBT sport clubs to look at, and also the Meetup app. Worth a try for sure. You may need to not think about meeting the man of your dreams there, just let it come as it does. If you are going out expecting or wanting to meat him, you may give off the wrong vibe.

    I don't like the dating apps either, and tried to go on and use, but keep deleting my profile and not responding to the messages. I just cant get myself to do that.

    Try and stay positive, positivity is infectious and if you come across happy and positive you'll likely make new friends as I did! Of course, the opposite does the same in reverse!

    Good luck, and keep chatting here if you need to.

    Cheers

    Daz

    1 person found this helpful
  10. PeteyMackay
    PeteyMackay avatar
    1 posts
    31 May 2019 in reply to Only I know

    I really struggled in Adelaide too. So the main thing is not to take it personally. There are strong private school and family networks so don't feel that you are lesser for any reason.

    Meetup.com groups as Daz above said is great. There is a Lgbti choir group, tons of sporting groups etc.

    I find most of my intimate discussions are online now. I have a strong network of facebook, whirlpool.net groups that deal with a lot of the personal and difficult issues that I couldn't find support on in Adelaide.

  11. Gregbm
    Gregbm avatar
    1 posts
    24 November 2019
    Hi All,
    Not sure if this thread is still active. I have lived in Adelaide for 20 years and struggle to find close friends/ mates. I too find it clicky.
    I have recently separated after 20 years of marriage and finding my feet as a gay man. I have all but given up on the dating apps.
    Any advice/ tips on meeting friends/ mates/ partner would be appreciated.
    Cheers
    1 person found this helpful
  12. MarkPiz
    MarkPiz avatar
    7 posts
    24 November 2019 in reply to Gregbm

    I think anywhere where there are other gay people is the way to go. I am West of Melbourne, I did a bike ride last weekend (gay group) asked a guy out, got a rejection, and it stings a bit. First time I have done this in my entire life and I am 44! I refuse to go anywhere near the dating app's. I approached another guy in the group who I have known for some time and discussed with him my experiences of loneliness. I sensed he felt the same, and his response was, you just got to keep turning up...

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Only I know
    Only I know avatar
    197 posts
    29 November 2019 in reply to Gregbm

    Hey there,

    Gregbm your situation sounds similar to mine. I came out last year after 20 years of marriage and 2 kids. I've been separated now for just over 12 months and still finding my feet. I'd joined an LGBT running/walk group in Melbourne to meet others (not to hook up) and also joined some lgbt groups on the Meetup App. This isn't a dating app - like you and MarkPiz - the dating apps aren't for me. Not interested in just a hookup. I guess I'm not even really looking for anything other than just friends, and see what happens. Just finding likeminded guys can be hard too. I'd hidden being gay for 40+ years, so I don't really come across as all that gay and sometimes I don't feel that I fit in anywhere.

    Unlike MarkPiz, I haven't approached any other guys for a date or even a coffee! I'm too afraid of the rejection!

    Anyway, I guess it just takes time - you need to put yourself out there - not come across to keen etc. Join as many LGBT groups that you can.

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Over1t
    Over1t avatar
    18 posts
    1 December 2019 in reply to Only I know
    I can totally relate to what you are saying, I'm 43, from Adelaide and a lesbian, I would just live to meet some other gay friends. It's a bit depressing. I'm too old for the bar scene.

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