Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Gay, coming out and scared of everything

Topic: Gay, coming out and scared of everything

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Aurora.01
    Aurora.01 avatar
    2 posts
    7 May 2018

    Hi...i suppose,

    I'm gay (or lesbian I suppose). And never been able to say it out loud before. I think I've always know but rejected it due to being around unhealthy people who had homophobic views on it. I've grown up in a reasonably small environment and always seen bad connotations around the same sex issue.

    I feel like this has massively effected my comfort when it comes to it. I'm comfortable with liking girls. I know who I am and I like it. But when it comes to other people knowing I just want to curl up and never actually tell them. My two sisters know as well as one of my friends, they're fine with it. I know my family would be fine with it but would probably think I was attention seeking and I don't want them to think of me as something I'm not and I really don't know how to at least let them know that I don't care about the 'hot boys' that they keep pointing out to me.

    Also I go to a Catholic school and don't want to keep pretending while I'm there but I also don't want to people to treat me differently like I know that they would. I already have quite bad anxiety and depression and have for a while now. I feel like I'm stuck in a revolving door with no real way out and I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. Lately I've really felt like suicide is my best option but I don't want to die and I don't want to kill myself.

    If anyone has some encouraging words I would deeply appreciate it because I really don't know how much longer I can live in my mind. xx

    3 people found this helpful
  2. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    7 May 2018 in reply to Aurora.01

    Hello Aurora 😊

    I am so glad you've reached out here.

    I am going to give you point of view, but if it doesn't sit well with you, that's ok, and somebody else may have advice that feels better to you.

    I know pretty much what it feels like to be in your position. I went to a religious school too, I knew I was a lesbian ... it was scary thinking of coming out.

    My advice ... (I am now a grown woman living in a beautifully harmonious long term relationship with my lovely (lady) partner) ... is to wait until you are out of school. Other people may disagree with me, and as I said, do what feels right for you, but ... school does not last forever.

    School is just a small part of your life, in the big scheme of things. When you're there, in it, it feels like it goes on forever, but I can assure you, soon it will be a distant memory and you can come-out in relative peace later, once that school environment is left behind.

    I just think it will complicate your life too much to come out now, and will exacerbate your anxiety and depression, as you may be opening yourself up to all sorts of things in the school environment.

    Do you think the coming-out it is something that you can sort of "let go" of for your remaning school time (how long to go?)? I don't mean let go of who you are, not at all, but just, like, "save it" for once you're free from that stifling environment?

    This is what I did. It worked for me.

    What do you think Aurora?

    I am always happy to listen and I will be here for you to support you if you'd like to talk more about anything at all.

    🌻birdy

    1 person found this helpful
  3. kanga_brumby
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    kanga_brumby avatar
    4883 posts
    7 May 2018 in reply to Aurora.01

    Aurora. Welcome to Beyond Blue Forums I have been brought up catholic so I know your caution there. Most people are more accepting these days than, say thirty forty years ago. I know when my daughter came out last year. She did not know how I would react. She was more surprised about my acceptance than her with her telling me her preference. Because of all the little clues she was dropping along the way one here one there. If you are in a small town (community) wait till your out of school before you fully come out. But don't sell yourself short either. Your still a valued person in any community. The community needs diversity within it to exist. I have met several Homophobic people in my time, and I have little time for them. I have few G.L.B.T. friendsbut I have more time for them even though I am not one of them. Why do I like them better........... They party better.

    Kanga Peter

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Just Sara
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Just Sara avatar
    3397 posts
    7 May 2018 in reply to Aurora.01

    Hey and welcome Aurora;

    Birdy's on the money honey! Developing as a young woman is enough to deal with let alone worry about everyone else. It's a time of self discovery, learning and preparing for adulthood.

    Next time someone comments about the male hunk walking by, think to yourself; "Meh...his girlfriend's hot as hell though!" Thoughts are free and when you think about it, this would make you feel better even though you're not saying it out loud. You're being true to yourself, and that's what matters hun.

    It's not a secret! It's your truth and that's personal and a treasure ok. Don't give it away like a cheap gift. You don't see hetero's declaring their sexuality do you?

    Coming out for me was a big deal until I realised I didn't care what others thought. It's my life and my truth.. no-one can take that away or even deserves an opinion about it unless I allow it.

    Enjoy being you; love the person in the mirror as if she was your own child. Be gentle, kind and patient with yourself. That's what you'd do for someone you loved wouldn't you?

    Kind thoughts;

    Sez

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Aurora.01
    Aurora.01 avatar
    2 posts
    7 May 2018 in reply to Birdy77

    That's pretty much what I was planning to do and hearing that it's okay to do that from someone else is super helpful so thankyou.

    I always questioned whether or not to wait until I was out of school and just show up home with a girl and saying 'hey, surprise!', but I felt like I would be lying in a way to the people around me who care for me about who I was. I realise that my sexuality doesn't define my personality but I just felt bad, I don't know.

    But I loved hearing that that is an acceptable thing to do so thank you so much for the feedback

    💛

    4 people found this helpful
  6. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    8 May 2018 in reply to Aurora.01

    It's wonderful to bear back from you Aurora 😊

    I am so glad we helped to validate your thinking.

    It's not lying, it's as Sez said, your personal truth and it's a treasure. So keep it safe until it's the right time.

    How long do you have left at school?

    Please feel free to come and talk here any time 😊

    🌻birdy

    2 people found this helpful

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up