So, i just turned 45 and in a loving marriage of 12 years to a woman i love dearly. We have a miracle ivf son of 6 years old and things are ok. But since around the age of 12 i have felt different, i am a male but love everything feminine. The clothes, the makeup, the heels... OMG the heels. Year after year i have had "crossdressing periods" and episodes of buying and purging clothes to the point i was nearly declared bankrupt. Then i met my wife who probably saved me from god knows what. I have maintained a great relationship and the sex is fantastic but the attration to my feminine side has grown stronger and stronger.
Now since turning 45 and in the washup of lockdown i discovered i feel most comfortable when im in female clothes or styles. I now want to embrace the feminine side of me and want to be truthful to myself and my wife. Now here is the problem, my wife despises lying, to the point she will break a friendship. Im worried about how she will react, and how she will take it.
I have also developed an attraction to transexual women, to the point of watching porn, and considering experimenting with a trans woman. Now i would never cheat on my wife, but i feel like i am with all the sneaking around.
Please help me clear the fog in my head and lift the weight off me.