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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Just turned 45 and cant hide it anymore, im gender fluid and want embrace it. Where do i start

Topic: Just turned 45 and cant hide it anymore, im gender fluid and want embrace it. Where do i start

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Closettrans
    Closettrans avatar
    5 posts
    27 January 2021
    So, i just turned 45 and in a loving marriage of 12 years to a woman i love dearly. We have a miracle ivf son of 6 years old and things are ok. But since around the age of 12 i have felt different, i am a male but love everything feminine. The clothes, the makeup, the heels... OMG the heels. Year after year i have had "crossdressing periods" and episodes of buying and purging clothes to the point i was nearly declared bankrupt. Then i met my wife who probably saved me from god knows what. I have maintained a great relationship and the sex is fantastic but the attration to my feminine side has grown stronger and stronger.

    Now since turning 45 and in the washup of lockdown i discovered i feel most comfortable when im in female clothes or styles. I now want to embrace the feminine side of me and want to be truthful to myself and my wife. Now here is the problem, my wife despises lying, to the point she will break a friendship. Im worried about how she will react, and how she will take it.

    I have also developed an attraction to transexual women, to the point of watching porn, and considering experimenting with a trans woman. Now i would never cheat on my wife, but i feel like i am with all the sneaking around.

    Please help me clear the fog in my head and lift the weight off me.
  2. CalmCat
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    CalmCat avatar
    354 posts
    27 January 2021 in reply to Closettrans

    Hi Closettrans,

    Thanks for sharing such a open and raw post, you are brave.

    I have one acquaintance that is trans and she came out as trans in her mid 40's.

    She found amazing support groups through Transworld wide and other gender diversity groups. Have a Google of what is out there, you'll find something right for you. Or have a look at all the trans group on Facebook.

    With regards to your wife, I know she'll accept you for who you are. Just be open and honest and see where destiny task you.

    Let us know how you go.

    Regards,

    D

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Closettrans
    Closettrans avatar
    5 posts
    27 January 2021 in reply to CalmCat
    Thanks Doz. I have already started looking for those support groups, i have found wearing clear nail polish and clear lippy makes things better for me. Im seeing a counselor anyway, which brought all this out so my support is there to download in those troubling days.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. CalmCat
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CalmCat avatar
    354 posts
    28 January 2021 in reply to Closettrans

    So glad to hear you have some great supports Closettrans!

    To see how many trans people there are in your state, try and go to your states pride event. Melbourne has Midsumma Carnival, Sydney Marid Gras and Darwin has Darwin Pride. You'd meet so many other people if you go. I'm from Melbourne and met so many other LGBTI+ when I started going to Midsumma Carnival. A much more positive environment to a night club and so forth.

    All the best.

    Doz

  5. Jo8049
    Jo8049 avatar
    673 posts
    15 February 2021 in reply to Closettrans

    Hi Closettrans . Welcome here again . How are you going with everything ? Just wanted to say hi and we are still here for you , and still very caring . Be true to yourself in respectful way and feel the relief .

    Take care , lol , Jo W

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