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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Married guy but finally admit I’m transgender

Topic: Married guy but finally admit I’m transgender

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. Neikki
    Neikki avatar
    2 posts
    15 April 2018

    Hello everyone,

    I am glad I found beyondblue as I need people to talk to about my situation. I am a married Male and I am 45 but I have always felt more comfortable being around women. I remember as a child being dressed up by my sister and later if I was home alone I would try on her clothes and my mums and I always felt different. I also grew up in my teenage years with a secret gay friendship with a guy about 7 years older than me. He was gay and introduced me to being bisexual as I had girlfriends at the same time. I recently realised I am a bisexual transgender. I am so freightened to come out as I will lose all of my male friends and all of my family except possibly my daughter. I am tired of lying to others and myself but don’t want to lose everything I have, friends, home etc. I told my wife she is only 22 and we met 5 years ago and she was so supportive it was amazing but after about 6 weeks she did a total backflip and was going to leave me so I agreed to not show my feminine side around her and nothing more would be spoken of it. I do have a female friend who is a lesbian and gender fluid that I have told I am a bisexual transgender and she is absolutely amazing and so supportive but she doesn’t know my entire story as above. I suffer severe depression and have for 20 years due mainly to my previous relationship with my children’s mother. I would love to hear from anyone who has come out as transgender and or bisexual and anyone else who can offer advice, support, friendship, chatting. I really need people to talk to xox

    2 people found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9163 posts
    15 April 2018 in reply to Neikki

    Hi Neikki, welcome.

    Im hetro, married, 62yo.

    I applaud you a million times. How brave you are and its an honour to read your post. Am I being over the top? I dont care what people think, I've got tears welling in my eyes for you. Boy, I just feel like hugging you!

    Now, friends and family. My attitude would be - tough luck to anyone that judges you negatively. Break those shackles of judgement Neikki, be free because you have to be yourself.

    I have a distant friend in a country town. He is 68yo. He met a lady 15 years ago. On their second date he came out. "I dont care, I like you". They are happy. He even joins in with her sewing group.

    You might lose half your assets if you separate, you might lose friends, but youll gain some also, better friends.

    Onwards and upwards, what will ne in your wake us not worth saving. Who remains on the boat hold you near.

    INNER SELF

    There is a new sign "Neikki"

    As friends see you there

    Judge you by your mask

    Well, that isnt fair

    They all deserve a chance

    They can take you as you are

    Embrace you and be with you

    And show you that they care

    Your inner self is what you are

    That's the part thats new

    That wonderful inner self

    Is nobody else...but you

    Tony WK

    3 people found this helpful
  3. Neikki
    Neikki avatar
    2 posts
    15 April 2018 in reply to white knight
    Thank you Tony WK I am speechless as I wasn’t expecting this and the fact you almost had tears helps me realise just what I am doing xox
    4 people found this helpful
  4. stormcloudz
    Valued Contributor
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    stormcloudz avatar
    341 posts
    20 April 2018 in reply to Neikki

    Neikki

    It's striking how clear you are about your identity - it sounds like you have done a lot of soul-searching. Often people post when they are in the midst of doubt and confusion.

    By the way, you may have heard of the Gender Centre, that's another safe space full of people who will understand - just google and you'll find it.

    You've been quiet a couple of days, how are things going? I hope you're OK.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9163 posts
    21 April 2018 in reply to stormcloudz

    Hey stormcloudz

    Great post.

    Neikki, glad you liked it.

    Tony WK

    1 person found this helpful
  6. demonblaster
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    demonblaster avatar
    7482 posts
    21 April 2018 in reply to Neikki

    Hi Neikki ☺ welcome to BB. As you can see here there's great support, caring people and a safe place to voice your concerns

    I can see how you'd be worried about losing friendships and a life you've built. I think with recent laws changing for the better imo in time will bring more acceptance for peoples personal choices. Unfortunately and to be honest there are and probably will remain people that have imo closed minds to anything except hetero but the good news is the laws passing indicates over 60 % of Aussies don't have an issue,so I'm hopeful in your circle of friends that could apply. One way of approaching this could be to get on the subject of same sex marriage with your friends and hear their opinions.

    Your sexual preferences don't change who you are, your friends like you for you, if they did turn their back on you which would be devastating but I think it'd be clear they're not really friends and you're understandably wanting to be open and supported which we need in our lives

    Time is a great test for friendship with different situations seeing how people react is your way of knowing if they really are your friends and if they don't it's not friendship or needed in our lives

    I'm a Bi chook which I realised in recent yrs and am open about it.

    I wonder what changed your wifes feelings although it I guess would have been an unexpected shock, to her credit she was understanding. Of course only answer what you're comfortable with, are you happy in your marriage?

    Your friend sounds supportive maybe you could if you wanted to be more open with her talk about more. Does fluid gender mean she's one way as in shes lesbian not bi etc?

    Neikki it's pleasantly surprising at times when we do open up which can be very difficult and often people know of others in same situation or are the same

    I'll take a wild guess and say you wouldn't lose all your mates

    All the best to you ☺

    1 person found this helpful
  7. stormcloudz
    Valued Contributor
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    stormcloudz avatar
    341 posts
    22 April 2018 in reply to white knight

    Tony WK - that means a lot, thanks. You are one of the reasons I joined - the compassion and love shown in your posts and those of some of the other regulars is amazing. Like Neikki, I'm a bit blown away. I hope you are getting the support you need as well : )

    Demonblaster - gender fluid generally means that you don't fit neatly into either "boy" or "girl", but move in a space between them. Apologies in advance if you know all that and were trying to understand the specifics.

    Neikki - hope you're still there. As you can see from the other posts in this forum, there are plenty of people wrestling with gender and bisexuality, you're surrounded by friends here. How are things with you at the moment?

    2 people found this helpful
  8. demonblaster
    Valued Contributor
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    demonblaster avatar
    7482 posts
    23 April 2018 in reply to stormcloudz

    Thanks stormcloudz no need for apologies I was clueless. You've taught me something ☺

    That'd be so hard for people in that situation I imagine

    Hope you're going ok and thanks for reply

    Yes WK is a fantastic contributor here, he has a huge heart, helps many

    Take care (Tc)

  9. Addisonl01
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Addisonl01 avatar
    3 posts
    12 May 2018 in reply to Neikki

    It is hard to accept yourself as the main focus. There are so many factors in any situation and i realize the difficult nature.

    Humans are profoundly fond of holding onto things that are very likely to move on and our change we must make is harder than anything else before.

    Change is hard but being truthful is only going to hurt a little bit and at the end you will find peace in your life that you have had issues obtaining.

    If they are your real family and friends they will accept you but the biggest thing is do you accept yourself

    1 person found this helpful

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