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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Not wanting to accept the fact that I might be genderfluid and just generally confused about my gender.

Topic: Not wanting to accept the fact that I might be genderfluid and just generally confused about my gender.

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. est72
    est72 avatar
    8 posts
    23 August 2021

    I just wanted to rant quickly:

    I have nothing against genderfluid people, I greatly support them, but for some reason, I can't accept the fact that I might be one myself? Even if I am I'm just not sure if coming out is worth it because I am aware of the intense judgement I will receive if I do, and the whole concept of genderfluidity is still very confusing to me. All I know is that a lot of the time I feel and picture myself as a male (I'm a female at birth), but I am not uncomfortable possessing the body parts and physique of a female, and I enjoy being a female and doing 'feminine' things. Even if I were to be trans (FTM) it is also very confusing, and I am aware that I don't have the natural build or features to ever feel fully male, and again I don't feel uncomfortable or dysphoric in my female body. With that being said though, I can't help but feel happy whenever someone refers to me with male pronouns and titles. I also don't think I am non-binary because I want to identify as either female or male. It could also be the fact that I enjoy dominance and having the upper hand, which from a societal perspective is often associated with being male. Do I want to be female or male? For some reason I can't understand how to combine the two, I feel like I need to be one or the other.

    I'll definitely do some research into this but some advice on what this all means would be greatly appreciated <3

    1 person found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    white knight avatar
    9215 posts
    23 August 2021 in reply to est72

    Hi welcome

    I might just ask you to read the first post of this thread.

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/sexuality-and-gender-identity/not-conventional-you-are-still-a-jigsaw-piece#qihxcXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Isabella_
    Community Champion
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Isabella_ avatar
    128 posts
    23 August 2021 in reply to est72

    Hey est72,

    Thank you for sharing that with us. I think while it's frustrating, it's completely normal and healthy for you to feel confused right now, not only with yourself but with the whole concept of gender identity.

    It's more than okay that you don't feel completely comfortable having one label and being in one box. It's okay that you don't feel completely male or female, and just because you don't feel dysphoric doesn't invalidate the fact that part of you does identify with being male in some respect. It helps to think of it as a spectrum. I think it'd be really helpful for you to actually speak to people with the same confusion as you do, or people who do identify as gender fluid.

    I have people in my life who identify as they/them, or she/he, meaning they are comfortable with either male or female pronouns, and people refer to them as either or. You absolutely do not have to identify as one or the other - people can identify as both, and still feel more female than male, or more male than female. It's a spectrum. The idea that we have to choose one or the other is a social norm that's carried throughout history.

    I want to let you know that your gender identity is whatever feels right to you. I think a lot of our self doubt actually stems from what you fear other people think, and from what you've said it sounds like you know that the people around you will judge you intensely. I hope this isn't the case, but of course it makes figuring yourself out a whole lot more difficult.

    I hope I've helped in some way. This is a really important journey for you, feel free to share it with us on here if you need some support. I'm rooting for you :)

    1 person found this helpful

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