Sometimes people say things that they think are helpful/constructive, when they are not. They/we don't usually mean to say unhelpful or destructive things, but we just can't find the solution. And we usually really WANT to, but just can't. So we say the first thing that comes to mind without really thinking it through, or searching our minds for a better or different response.
Have you had that kind of experience? I have.
Take for example my experience with a hair dresser I had one time. It was an appointment that was a 'trial' for how I wanted to wear my hair on the day of my upcoming wedding. I was both excited and nervous, and obviously quite sensitive too. So I described how I wanted to wear my hair, and her reply to my description was "Oh you can't wear your hair like that. Not with those big flappy ears either side of you head!" I WAS MORTIFIED!!! Here I was, a 'precious' bride-to-be, and there she was INSULTING my ears as being too 'big and flappy' to wear my hair pulled back and out of my face for my special day!!! I ended up smiling through gritted teeth for the rest of the appointment, and then getting my car and bursting into tears and crying all the way home. I felt so insulted and put down. and so very ugly and self-conscious. She COULD have gently suggest instead some alternative styles ..... but no, she just told me I had 'big flappy ears'.
Like too when you break up with someone, and sometimes the first thing someone else says is "Oh well, there'll be someone else out there for you." And yeah, maybe there will ..... but maybe too, single life is better for some people? It's hard to move on from something that you've not even really processed yet. Usually the last thing you want to think about is 'someone else'.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it's okay to say "I don't know what to say." or "I don't know what to do" and even to admit that you want to help, but don't know how. I sometimes even admit that "I might be about to put my foot in my mouth, but I think or feel ........"
Sometimes the first thing we are tempted to say, can be the LAST thing a person needs or wants to hear. Perhaps you would like to share your experience of this, being mindful of course not to really identify any particular person or place. Maybe too you have some great solutions and alternatives to offer? Anyway, the floor is yours, my fellow humans! xo