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Forums / Staying well / From achiever to disabled- the transformation

Topic: From achiever to disabled- the transformation

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9757 posts
    22 March 2015

    I've read here many times. "I used to be thriving, capable, a team leader, a CEO, a bight and joyous person......."now I cant get out of bed" or "now I cant concentrate"

    Once you are at the top eg you have achieved so much - you can only either stay there or slide down. If you slide down slowly it can be tolerated as you finally reach retirement age but some fall with a thud.

    I'm 59yo and ran my own one man business. Although I never reached the peak of my business potential I was happy with my level of professionalism. In 2003 I was initially diagnosed but my mental issues went way back to childhood. Since 2003 my mental capability has diminished. I retired earlier than desired at 2013 and have noticed some abilities I took for granted have drifted away.

    Co-ordination. I can no longer do heavy paperwork. I can pay bills on line Bpay and the like. But to sort out my 250 poems into sections eg Personal, australiana, war poems, childrens poems etc is nigh impossible. My wife helped me today and she eventually had to take over. I was getting them all mixed up. So concentration is not there any more.

    These things is like an overflowing bucket. Such bucket wont empty to allow space to recuperate.

    I'm tired and depleted of drive to seek more therapy. I'm satisfied on my medication. I dont want further psychiatric consultation. In terms of mental capacity I just want to "exist". I can pass on my experience here as a champion volunteer because the memory bank is full of data but my short term memory has gone on a permanent holiday. I cannot concentrate on more than one thing at a time. I get moody if interrupted on a task because I cant leave that task with my concentration to think about anything else then return to it. Am I just getting old?

    I teach here the need to accept ones illness. Accepting depression for example then managing it is the mentality one should strive for. Yet age (if that's what it is) is really hard to accept.

    I fell over in my garage a few days back. The fall seemed to take 10 seconds from start to finish. I asked an older male friend if he falls often and his answer was "yes". And he gets dizzy if bending over for too long. I feel that mental illness, bipolar 2, dysthymia, anxiety and depression has taken its toll, even damaged my brain.

    Has anyone else felt these symptoms? Do you feel your brain is worn out?

    Tony WK

  2. JessF
    Valued Contributor
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    JessF avatar
    1548 posts
    26 March 2015 in reply to white knight

    Hello Tony, I am not quite there yet but I am feeling and learning to accept the limitations of age... I've just been fitted with a hearing aid for example, and my eyesight is not brilliant. But these are physical things.

    Mentally, I suppose I can look back to my 20s and think I was a lot more productive or 'successful' (however that could be defined)  and able to achieve more things but equally, like you, I don't have any desire to go back there. I am happy just to 'exist', although I prefer to think of it as living a different phase of life. I certainly don't feel like I'm marking time, I'm enjoying as many minutes of it as I can and taking it as it comes. 

  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9757 posts
    26 March 2015 in reply to JessF

    Hi Jess,

    Reckon there would be many older members here reading this thread. Thats good.

    It just occured to me, to mentally join this thread with the grateful one. If I did I'd be grateful for my wisdom with my age, my knowledge and my tolerance all due to age.

    This forum is good therapy for me I think.  Tony WK

  4. JessF
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    JessF avatar
    1548 posts
    27 March 2015 in reply to white knight
    I really enjoy these more thinking type discussuions too. And it's said that keeping mentally active is very important as you get older, something tod o with keeping your neural pathways going. Things like crosswords and sudoku are good apparently, like pushups for the mind.
  5. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9757 posts
    27 March 2015 in reply to JessF

      

    There is a point to which we resign to what we have and no longer desire to "conquer the world". Social outreach has been so for me.

    I no longer have that drive to meet many new people. Happy with my "lot" I dont mind one new aquaintence now and then but I'm cautious as I'm worried someone that is a wolf in sheeps clothing will come along. A bully, a narcissist, someone with a jealous streak.

    However this fear doesnt fit in the "achiever" slot as I've always been sensitive and an easy target. Hence the brick wall for self protection.

    Tony WK

  6. JessF
    Valued Contributor
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    JessF avatar
    1548 posts
    31 March 2015 in reply to white knight

    I've never understood the types of people I would describe as 'friend accumulators'. You see it a lot on social media, people who have 500 or more "friends". Really? I think it is just a way for some to feel a taste of fame.

    The important thing in life is to have a few people around that matter to you, and you matter to them, not a whole bunch of people that you can broadcast and boast to.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Snoman
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Snoman avatar
    201 posts
    31 March 2015 in reply to white knight

    Hey WK,

    Such a familiar story, but my one man business never got going well enough to be happy with it. Not sure how much that has contributed.  Water under the bridge, spilt milk etc.

    One of my first questions to my psych was "how long until I get my brain back". Still waiting. Still trying to hang on to my business which requires the occasional bit of concentration. Most times every bit of concentration is too much.

    Is my brain worn out? I have wondered exactly that. Will I ever be "me" again? ... ... ... I hope so.

     

    Actually, I think I will get close.  I have grown heaps in terms of understanding and appreciating other people and their differences.  My brain is returning as I exercise it with sudoku (even when I am sick of it), physical exercise and slowly weaning off my meds which I think contribute partly to the mental fog.

    In your case, you are still a worthwhile contributing member of society.  You are here and helping many people, me included.

    Will your brain work for you as it once did?  Most likely not.  That is a good thing.  You have changed.  Not necessarily for the worse.

    Just keep travelling along the path of your life and see where it takes you.

     

    Sno

    1 person found this helpful

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