Hey EM - the support group was awesome. I had a great experience there. It took a lot off my shoulders :) I am lucky I found this free group. It is darn hard to find good MH services!!

I am the only woman that goes usually, but this week another woman came. That was nice. They give us coffee and tea which is so nice. How nice is it when someone makes you a cup of tea?????
There is nothing else in the world.

- spoke to a friend on the phone - nice to leave the text world and speak to a human voice!

- Drank a big gulp of water

- Chatted with a gorgeous child who had just lost his first tooth! I enjoy chatting to children.

- Basically told someone they were triggering me - I have never said that before. They didn't get it and thought I was crazy. Oh well! Practise for me in setting boundaries

- had a chai latte

- bought some snacks for the week

OH WOW Sleepy!

I'm SO HAPPY you found a great MH group!

And yes I totally agree, it's really hard to find a good MH group!

lol.... love it when someone makes me a cuppa too... the simple things hey?

I'm also grateful that Victorians can now DO THESE THINGS like attend groups.

It's nice that another lady attended, hope you can make some nice connections there.
When I attended the Women's Health Centre Course it was amazing to meet other women who had been through similar.
It made a huge difference that the 2 Counsellors running the group were so good!

The members of the groups stayed in touch for a few months afterwards but one lady helped me beyond my imagination through what was to come next over the next few years.

You just never know where our positive actions may lead.

I hope your path to a beautiful life is made easier each day Sleepy.

EMxxxx

Thank you EM

I am now looking into more women's services. Would you mind to remind me about the course you did that was so helpful?
My group is trauma sensitive. It's amazing. I do get a bit happy when women come!
I haven't met so many women on my MH journey... I don't know why, keep finding myself finding social workers, peer workers and residents in hospital at the same time as me who are male.

Girl power is needed.
Thanks for ur lovely post on Monkey's spending thread. Much love to you sunshine xx

Always my pleasure sweetie thing....

The Course I did was through the local Women's Health Centre and it was called "Breaking Free".
MONUMENTOUSLY VALUABLE!! Cannot recommend this course highly ENOUGH!

It's free ofcourse.
8 weekly sessions.
2 intake sessions to deem a person's suitability but you'd fit.
If you miss more than 1 session in a row then you have to leave and re-enrol..

because the information builds on the next session.

There's also one called "The Shark Cage" which follows on from the Breaking Free one.
THIS one is to learn how to pick an abusive person (mostly potential partner) and then how to end it quickly.
I didn't get to do that one.
Probably won't be able to now that I'm FT next year.

I was going to do it this year but covid hit.

I found the group of women I was with (and some left... some completed it in a 1:1 setting because they couldn't manage a group etc) were ALL amazing.

Funnily enough the very last session was ALL on SELF-CARE lol!

waddayaknow hey?

Sure there are lots of educational courses available thru the WHCs but there are also CREATIVE Courses offered too, here at least.

Worth a look that's for sure.

Being FREE or very little cost and free tea and coffee too lol... nice to hang out in comfortable and very secure settings.

EMxxxx

My self-care today included:

* asking my boss if I could go home to wash and change clothes today after an unfortunate event lol... oh and she let me, yay!

* taking fruit and a packed lunch to work

* buying healthy Vietnamese food for dinner

* getting some healing supplements from the Health Food Store to aide in the healing of my mouth.

* I am BUSTING to have a long scrub tonight in the bath and might watch a Netflix something too... am enjoying "The Detectorists" atm, it's cute, funny and a tiny bit serious.

EMxxxx

Hi Em -
I have been set an info pack previously on the concept of the Shark Cage - so this could follow on from there!

I liked that idea.

I also just google random pyshologists chatting about narcissists. There's one who does role plays, showing a narcissistic parent, then a healthy parent, then the narcissistic parent with a child who is no longer accepting their BS. All good info to see in a visual way. But I'm ready for more.

thanks xxx

-sat outside and watched a beautiful view

- ate some colourful salad

- Had a change of scenery hanging out at a friends house

Oh that's FANTASTIC Sleepy!

Google was most definitely my friend when I was trying to work out the abusive demon etc.

I saw a Psych online who had finally gone NC with her toxic parents in her 40s... she had written a book something along those lines. But her online chats with others asking questions WE would ask were really valuable!

Seeing others treading the path we're on but ahead of us is very comforting for me.

I'm so glad you got a pack on the Shark Cage! Wow I didn't know they sent out packs.

I'm also glad you are attending a group too. I find groups very beneficial as long as the Facilitators are really good at their job.

LOVE YOUR SELF-CARE Sleepy!

I anticipate mine for today will include (lol... now I have to do it lol!!!)...

* eating well at work

* picking up my new reading glasses from the Optometrist

* saying thankyou to specific people at work for our relationship deepening... I want to use words like "trust", "reliability", "Being a confidante" etc.
I'm not close to anyone at work really and I'm fine to keep it that way.
But a few have shown these qualities or a mix of them and it has been both ways which I'm happy for.

Hope you have a wonderful day!

Love EM

Gave to those who helped me, more than they know.

Talked to a lost one, a stranger once, who no longer is.

Witnessed how simple acknowledgement can cultivate, sustain, and provide foundation for the future, for one who once had none.

Hi EM

I like how you will use specific, expansive words to thank ur co-workers

u never know the uplifting effect this could have on them -

Often a smile can change someone's whole day. So can personalised compliments.

- Took myself out to lunch

- Wrote in my journal

- Texted my friend an update on something we discussed - took self-worth to assume she would care

Hi all.

happy Thursday! I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Pl515p1...nice. Just like sleepy said it may only take a smile to brighten a day. Even the smallest gesture helps.

yesterday i played an instrument for a solid hour, i havent done that in years. (Started just playing and singing, and then the kids came in and listened)

helped someone out at work that was having a hard time, and was greatly appreciated for the help.

Got some really good advice from BB about childhood bullies.

Not_Batman

Hey BB self-carers lol... maybe the BBSCs? Nah too much lol.

Hey pl515p1, those are lovely things you said and did. I truly hope you cultivate some trustworthy and long lasting friendships. NICE ONES!

Hey Sleepy bbg lol... it's important to tell people "words of affirmation" isn't it?
I only say authentic things, this is a value of mine I hold dear.
But if I remember (lol) I also try to use tact... so if someone says "Do you like this dress on me?" and if I don't really, I might say "I like the colour or cut or ..." and if they say "It doesn't suit me does it?" lol then I might say "Maybe that in blue would bring out your eye colour more" lol.

But I won't give false compliments, like EVER. So people know that when I do, I mean it.

You are SO WORTHY and rightly so bringing up whatever it was with your friend.

LOVE your self-care points!

Hey Not_Batman, I bet the kids LOVED hearing you sing and play. How precious is that for all of you!

Now that so many of my children have left home, I'm glad I took the time when I did to create beautiful memories for us all. Tbh I wish I did it MORE!!!

There's never enough time. It goes in a blink. I actually said that to my first baby in her crib in the hospital. "You'll be gone in a blink" and she was. I'm gonna make myself cry! Oh dear lol.

On the bullying topic. Phone the school asap. Tell them exactly what's going on. Ask for them to email you their "Anti-Bullying Policy". It's NEVER okay. Never. The things I've had to do Not_Batman, they'd make your hair curl lol.

Also thankyou for complimenting other's points all the time. It really means alot.
Sleepy does it ALL the time too all over the forums, she's too precious for words lol.

Love youse all!
EM

Sleepy21 said:

- Basically told someone they were triggering me - I have never said that before. They didn't get it and thought I was crazy. Oh well! Practise for me in setting boundaries

- had a chai latte

- bought some snacks for the week

WOW!
I totally missed this post of yours Sleepy, sorry!

You must have been posting at the same time as me lol.

WELL DONE YOU for speaking UP!!! Wow that's HUGE!

Aha boundaries are a "fun" thing lol... lots to work on for me there but I'm so happy to see you leading the way lol!!!

Great work!
Love EM

Hey SCers lol... trying out a few names here but they're not quite POPPING out for me.
Any help is greatly appreciated!

Well I'm pretty amazed at my self-care, it's been especially "radical" so hopefully my Counsellor will think so too!! lol. She's so funny when she gives me feedback.
She's so aware of the past me (triggering at the air even), and she's SO polite and respectful omg that she ASKS me if she can give me feedback.

I used to say "go on shoot" but she's American so it's not quite a good phrase to use ugh!

Now I say "Oh YES PLEASE!" She is such a goldmine of help, I love her to bits and tell her so lol.

SO amazing healing after I got recommended supplements, a mouth spray and oils from the Health Food Store... 90% reduction in the swelling in my face.
I could say I was gobsmacked but lol...
Even the pain has diminished to not need pain relief, so I'M HAPPY!
All in time for my next appt on Monday - yep I'm a get it over with type of person, I'm BUSY! lol.

Bought more Vietnamese food for dinner. It's always healthy and JUST what I love.

Visited my Chiro today and he was awesome as per usual!
He's happy that I didn't need as many adjustments today. Me too lol.

I surprised my youngest daughter I call Yvette, NOT anywhere near her real name.
I picked up her new phone and took it to her work.
I said "How much do you love me?" lol...she said "What? Did you want something to eat?" and I said "Answer me"... then I smiled and she knew STRAIGHT AWAY that I had her phone.
She rushed around the counter and hugged me then I could hear her screaming while she opened it with her work friends.

She has another surprise tomorrow that the WHOLE family know about except for her. Yay.

Happy baby girl makes a happy mama lol.

I said YES to going swimming at the indoor pools with another daughter Alexa (also nowhere near her real name) and the grandkiddies tomorrow. I normally wouldn't say yes but I'm "changing things up" as Sleepy puts it.

You're right Sleepy.
And it's making me feel more alive!

Ewww just when things were calm... I think my cat's got something of the Christmas spirit and brought in a mouse as a pressie for mama. Yuck.

DO SOMETHING WONDERFUL for yourself!

It's pretty magical.

Love EM

hi Em the look on the woman's face was priceless. I told her I was being triggered and she looked at me like I was an alien from out of space. Took me a few hours on the drive back home to realise I did nothing wrong and stuff her.
I just said my needs etc and asked for some space because I was suffering through what she was exposing me to. She was being mean because she didn't like what i was saying and didn't like the boundaries I was setting. And also needed her own "supply" of attention ect which was being taken away from her.
Deal with it lol. I can easily imagine another scenario of someone being supportive and fine with asking for a boundary, and when taht doesn't happen I know it's okay and not my fault. Thanks EM

OH WELL DONE YOU Sleepy!

I have a special finger that I think of when things like that happen lol...

Yeah deal.

Boundaries SHOULD be respected. Really no matter WHAT they are. If that's what a person is requesting then that's what they should GET.

Seriously what's wrong with some people?
That's a rhetorical question btw lol.

I've learnt that setting boundaries is like working a specific set of muscles in the gym lol... it's hard!

You finally get the courage to SET boundaries and ppl want to trample all over them.

So it's MAINTAINING boundaries which I get fed up with.

Practice those boundary muscles Sleeps my girl!!

You're smashing this!!!

Love EM

Hey BB self-carers!

HAPPY FRIDAY everyone!

Well I had an INTERESTING mix of self-care today... some I didn't even realise WERE self-care, you gave me the hint that boundaries ARE self-care and really important Sleepy!

Mine for today:
* sent a text to fiancee saying we couldn't talk today and what I had on... being apart at Christmas is an esp hard time for us as it's the beautiful time we met, SNOW sighhhh.
We've had 3 out of 5 Christmases together so far... about to miss another one :-(
STILL setting this boundary at times will help me enjoy my kid's Summer holidays more.
But I miss my fiancee very much.

* went swimming with my daughters and grandchildren in the indoor pools.

* had a relaxing bath!

* used my new Vitamin C face cream and it's AMAZING. My skin still feels silky hours later. Noice!

The next ones are what I'm trying to remember doing for decades when I was younger....

* ordered a HUGE SALAD with pizza at dinner out lol.

* only drank water tonight; not fizzy or commercial juice.

* parked a good walk away from the Theatre on purpose to get a few walks in.

* set up my new blue tooth speaker and am listening to the heavenly Bruno Mars "Grenade" lol.
That's spoiling myself. omg there's an acoustic version wow.

* my chiro told me something to buy and do to increase the healing in my mouth, using a Vitamin oil and drawing it down from behind my ear to my sternum and patting it. I started last night and this morning... unbelievable... it's taken care of the last 10% of pain and swelling, that and the other alternative healing things, yay!

* thinking of avoiding gluten now, like before, it doesn't agree with me.

* the strange thing is that lots of other niggling health problems seem to be dissipating too!
WOW. So I'm thinking of finally joining the adults dance class nearby.

* found out about minerals and Celtic salts in water we drink meaning better hydration... I'm getting a new water purifier soon... Alexa will help me buy one.

I'm finally clearing out all the 'evil' from our home, minds, bodies and souls.

EMxxxx

Hey self-carers!

I'm enjoying a lovely weekend. Light gentle rain is my fave! lol.

My 3 self-care things today:
* talked with fiancee and he's happy.

* had a nap!

* bought take away for dinner.

Just listening to Yvette playing her guitar and singing. She's pretty chilled and happy atm.

EMxxxx

Hi all,

So lovely to read of everyones self caring.... I have a bit of catching up to do. Em I'm sooo glad that your face is healing and the swellings gone down. That oil trick sounded like a good one. I love hands on healing.

Sleepy I love the discussion arising from your boundary setting. I set a boundary last week also, said repeatedly no, I don't want to talk about that. Finally was so triggered that I said "I'm going to have to leave" Nice thing is we all left together, which changed the energy and I think getting out of there was the best thing for my friend too.

Got a lovely thai massage on Friday, as have had a big headache for a few days- she was lovely and more gentle than usual which was just what I needed.

Walked the dog on the beach with family this morning, then bought ice creams- YUM!- then visited the nursery and bought indoor plants. Best day ever. Got home in time for a Christmas movie and the storm.

Best news this week- my H's dr has told him to do all the stuff I have been 'gently suggesting' all year--- cut down on take away food and lollies,less chips, increase exercise, all to help lower his slightly elevated cholesterol. Not a major problem, but I know if he doesn't address it it will lead to other things. So hopefully it will be easier for me soon too, to eat healthier and enjoy exercising with the family. Really glad for this young doctor to have been our local for this short time.

Happy days everyone!

💚J*

Hi everybody,

Great work, all. I agree with you, J*, the discussion of boundaries is great, they are so important. Well done dealing with someone who was repeatedly trying to step over them.

Today, I:

- Saw a doctor about my chronic pain in back, hip and shoulder, and persistent fatigue. He was actually decent and ordered a barrage of tests to try and isolate the causes instead of what I normally get from doctors ("Take a panadol", and not much else).

- Called a friend and rode my exercise bike for some of the time we talked (half an hour, which is what I was aiming for).

- Made curry so I have enough for the next two shifts at work and won't have to think about it.

Hey J*

Nice self-care things you've been doing.

Re: boundaries.
I was a bit shocked at the "friend" you had to repeated the boundary to... was that part of your long headache do you think?

I had a shock from a "friend" a few weeks ago. The content of her assumption bordering on accusation took me by surprise tbh... I responded kindly and answered her barrage of questions at the time, we've been so open and honest with each other for a very long time.

It took me prob 2 weeks for it to actually SINK IN what she was saying to me.

"We judge other's actions by our OWN intentions" as Stephen Covey taught... yes we do!

Never for a moment would I have dreamt she'd take that stance "against" me.
Victim blaming both my daughter and myself.

I've called her once and texted her twice since but no response.

Strangely I've "been there" for her own MH battles and those of her 2 children for 10y.

I think if I spoke to her right now, I'd tell her off. It's best left alone now.

Ice creams lol, good one. Plants - HIGH FIVE lol.

SO GLAD you had a good appt with the GP for your H.
Let's hope H listened!

Love EM

Hey Blue!

Great self-care points!

Another good Dr for you, we're seeing a trend of GOOD Drs!
Refreshing change to read about on the forums lol.

I hope you get some answers, relief and HEALING for your back.

Nice you got to talk with your friend AND exercise WOW!
Multi tasking self-care - that's pretty high powered self-care Blue lol!

EMxxxx

My self-care things today:

* said no to going to the shopping centre with the kids today.... I'll do that on my own later.

* had 2 naps! Realised I'm doing late pick ups for kids working late this week bec of fewer cars.

* heated up some leftovers for dinner.

* am keeping up the 30 mins per day of decluttering / reorganising / prepping for room changeover after Christmas, so did that for a tad longer today.

* did some more grocery shopping for Christmas.

EMxxxx

Hi folks.

busy weekend, i wish i had an extra day. Nice to see so many self care things from everyone.

•family get together for early christmas lunch

•started a christmas holiday project. painted, sanded, painted, sanded, sanded, sanded, sanded...oh and sanded.

•mowed (until the mower broke a belt...ugh)

•shed organising.

•napped on the couch.

Not_Batman

HI Jstar - I love how you shifted the whole group and it's a great example of how boundaries can be responded to well and appreciated by others....
The push-back on occasion is more about them I think.
It's taken me a while to understand that... but I am really impressed with u for leaving and asserting what you need, even allowing others to join u in that. Amazing work, Jstar - thank u so much for filling our thread here with such great inspiration.

lol Not_Batman your humour is amazing. Love your posts

Hi all - the discussion on boundaries is ever evolving for me and thanks for sharing ur own experiences with this.

I agree with u EM it's a muscle that we flex and strengthen.
today's self care

- Went for a walk and tried to feel in my body and centred

- bought some fresh fruit and veg at the supermarket to have on-hand

- had a nice and honest conversation about how i'm adjusting to end of lockdowns with a stranger. it was nice to be open about it without glossing over the true difficulty of it for me. He was lovely and non-judggemental which made me feel good.

Hey Not_Batman!

GREAT ONES! I'm hearing you sanding sanding sanding lol... I've got lots of that to do later next year sigh lol.

Hey Sleepy!

NICE ONES! Yeah boundaries are a THANG! Alexa is having major issues with them atm too and blurted out all the issues to me yesterday. IT'S DIFFICULT!

She thinks she needs to give a REASON to people.
She doesn't.

State the boundary.
Silence or "the pregnant pause" to the Spanish Inquisition by some disrespectful ppl.

I agree, it's more about them when there's a push back against our clearly stated boundaries.

DARNED RUDE IMHO.

Onwards and upwards peeps!

My self-care today involves:

* another delightful dentist appt lol... glutton for punishment here.

* coming on to the forums

* continuing to declutter rooms in prep for the 3 bedroom changeover after Christmas. I'm enjoying the creativity of designing the bedroom outlay etc... decorating will come later... MUCH later lol!!

* a nice long bath tonight!!

Everyone is doing SO WELL!!

I'm really enjoying reading the wide variety of self-care here!

EMxxxx

I forgot to mention I've been doing 10 min of yoga each morning and employing Dr Joe Dispenza's visualisations to lower my blood pressure and improve my overall outlook and health ie psychological, emotional and physical wellbeing...

Results:
I had my blood pressure taken last week and it was 23 points LOWER! Booyah!

I'm so happy because one GP murmured that I might need BP Meds..... I wanted to run for the hills... lol

I don't subscribe to the "oh you're getting older, this happens" convenient school of thought for pharma companies.

EMxxxx