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Forums / Staying well / Tributes to Friends

Topic: Tributes to Friends

23 posts, 0 answered
  1. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    17 May 2015

    FRIENDS: we all have them at some stage in our lives or we would dearly like to have one right now.

    I've just picked up a book by Hulton Getty called "Best Friends"

    Over time I am going to share some of the quotes with you and see if I can recall positive stories about my friends to share with you. Sometimes my brain forgets things. Ha. Ha.

    Today's quote is "Friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life" by President Thomas Jefferson.

    For some reason the following story came to mind.

    When I was about 12, a friend and I stayed in an old half derelict house belonging to her family. We tried to get the wood stove going so we could pop corn on the stove in a saucepan. The stove took ages to heat up and we left the popcorn on the stove and went to bed.

    During the night the fire in the stove took off and the corn started to pop and scared the "whatevers" out of us! We certainly needed each other that night until we realised what was happening!

    Hope you can share some stories about your friends.

    Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

     

     

  2. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    18 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Okay, so here is another quote from the little book I mentioned in my first post.

    "The happiest business in all the world is that of making friends" by Anne S Eaton

     

    My comment on that quote is that it is not always easy to make new friends, but as someone once said "To have friends, you need to be a friend".

    Since moving to this region two years ago where we didn't know anyone, I now have friends in the CFS at Church and in the community. We joined the indoor bowling group and have made friends that way.

    Sometimes we just have to make the first move. Say hello and see where things go from there.

    Wishing you all the joy of friendships today.

    Cheers form Mrs. Dools, Lauren

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    18 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof
    Thanks for this Lauren - I am in the dearly in need of a friend. I have had friends in the past but they have all drifted away due to circumstances. Uplifting ☺
  4. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    19 May 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hi Indra,

    I hope you feel that people here at Beyond Blue can be your friends. I know it is not the same as having friends you can see face to face, but I hope it helps!

    Friends can be fun, they can be fickle, they can be there for you and others run from your problems.

    It is difficult to understand how people can be wonderful friends one day and then you just don't hear from them again.

    I try to not take all of that too personally. We never know what is going on in another person's life.

    One thing I have learnt is to enjoy my own company, and to make the most of my day how ever I can. Not always easy with depression breathing down your neck though.

    Can you think of ways to meet new people? Are there clubs or groups you could join in your area? Do you have children at school? Could you ask another Mum if she would like to have coffee with you sometime?

    I feel like I have made some great "friends" here at Beyond Blue. These friends too come and go, that is just a part of how life is.

    Thanks for being part of this forum, welcome friend,

    From Lauren

     

     

  5. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    19 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    The quote in the book today sounds a little negative to me, especially for people who do not have close friends for one reason or another, so I will change it around.

    "Friendship can be a source of great pleasure, friends help to make the troublesome days better."

    It is nice to know that people care and are concerned for you. I hope that the contributions people make on this forum to reach out and help others benefits all, so we can all grow and conquer our depression and mental illnesses.

    Kind thoughts to you all from Lauren, Mrs. Dools 

     

  6. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    19 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof
    Thank you Lauren - feel better that there is a friend there for me xx
  7. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    20 May 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hi Indra,

    Goodaye to you my friend. I feel so much better knowing that I have friends and people here at Beyond Blue I can "chat" with when I need to.

    Today when I had finished assisting one of my clients, I was looking forward to going home. She then asked me if I would like a coffee and to stay for a chat.

    I could very easily have said No thanks, I need to get home. But I stayed and had a chat with her. An added bonus was her cat jumped up on to my lap for a while.

    Do you have something special you would like to share in a post of your own? It is always surprising what ideas and "conversations" spring up.

    Cheers for now from Lauren.

     

     

  8. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    20 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Here is a quote I have read and heard many times:

    "A friend is a present you give yourself." by Robert Louis Stevenson

    That can be so true. Sometimes we need to be out there in the world to make a new friend. Friends don't just come to you, sometimes we have to look for them.

    I have a couple of very dear friends who are wonderful treasures to me, I am so thankful I have them in my life.

    Wishing you all a dear friend to share stuff with.

    Cheers, from Mrs. Dools

     

     

  9. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    20 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Lauren,

    I am glad to hear that you had a chat and coffee with your client - I take it you do Home Help? My mother did that before she retired and found it very rewarding. I can relate to the cat - we have a ginger furball that does the same - that or my youngest who is 4 and full of questions!! Thank you for your advice - I will try to think of something to share and hopefully someone will reach out. You have helped me already - maybe I can pay that forward. Well back to the chaos of my household!!  Indra 

  10. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    21 May 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hi Indra,

    Yes, I work I do work for the elderly in their homes, a bit like Home Help. I do enjoy it, some days are very rewarding. I am sure your Mum can tell you all kinds of different stories.

    I might not be on the forums for a few days as I have a bit of a busy time ahead.

    Friday I will be working and driving most of the day and hope to fit in a swim. Then in the evening I will be playing indoor carpet bowls with my husband.

    Saturday I am visiting a friend who has a few mental health issues and will then call in to see family. Sunday I hope to attend a local car racing event as part of the local Country Fire Service support crew. It will be my first time at that venue so will see what happens. That will be an all day thing.

    Monday is another busy day with clients and catching up with my own housework.

    It is so wonderful to read that by just being on contact I have been able to help you in some way. That is very gratifying to know. "Chatting" with people like yourself helps me immensely as well. It makes me feel connected and like my life is worthwhile, so it works both ways!

    I will catch up with you again soon. Cheers for now, from Lauren

     

  11. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    25 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof
    Hi Lauren - sounds like you were busy over the weekend - I wish sometimes I could be like that! I  had a mixed bag with mine. I always stress and have high anxiety when my older son goes for visitation. Unfortunately a court order says he must. He gets very anxious and inconsolable before he goes and the father does not do his meds properly - just not a good situation. Tried to keep the little one busy and that is no mean task - I can see why I have to dye my hair. Today has started on a down. I was supposed to go to the my time group, but just didn't have it in me. I don't find it very supportive and think I go sometimes just so my son gets to play - it's held at his kindy. I said to my fiancée this morning - "is it me?", sometimes I think that SA is not a friendly state either at times. The other thing that makes me want to cry- and I have been doing it a lot lately, which I deplore - is the lack of intimacy I have with my fiancée. It is actually on his part and it makes me feel worthless and unwanted. I have tried talking but he clams up  or lies about it. It's pushing me to a breaking point and not sure which path to choose. So I  have been trying to keep myself busy this morning - it helps not to think about it too much and I enjoyed baking Minion cupcakes with my little one. Sorry to bombard you - just got on a bit if a roll. Hope your day goes and thank you for being around. Indra
  12. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    25 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    FRIENDSHIPS 

    "Good Friendships are fragile things and require as much care as any other fragile and precious thing" by Randolf Bourne.

     

    I don't know if I really believe in this saying. Some friendships are fragile yes, but they are not the ones I try to have. Precious yes, but fragile sounds like too much hard work for me.

    A bit if give and take, understanding, care, and compassion, but not having to walk on egg shells!

    Then again, friendships with a person suffering from a mental illness can be fragile or as a person with a mental illness friendships can seem that way. So guess it depends on what angle you look at things!

    Wishing you all precious friendships that don't become too fragile!

    Cheers from Mrs. Dools

     

     

  13. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    25 May 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hi Indra,

    I have just read your post. I'm so sorry to read you have a few issues to deal with at present. Is your older son able to help with his medication while he is with his Dad? I don't mean this in a rude way, but is he capable of self medicating or is that a bit beyond him? It does seem very irresponsible of his Dad not being able to stick to the routine.

    I'd like to encourage you to attend the group at the kindy. I know when I don't attend something that I have scheduled, then I feel worse because I didn't go.

    It does sound though that you are feeling lonely there. Are you relatively new to the group? It can be difficult to feel like you fit in at times. Some groups can be so clicky that they just don't welcome new people.

    Intimacy! Oh dear. That can be a tough one. My husband and I are like that since his testicular cancer. It has come to a state where he doesn't like me to touch him at all and we now have separate bedrooms.

    There have been a few posts about this issue lately. Mostly they are from men saying their wives are not interested in sex any more.

    It sounds like there is obviously something bothering your fiancé. Could you suggest an appointment with a Dr together or a counsellor? Try to be caring, understanding and supportive and hopefully he will let you know what the issue is.

    I hope you have a day with less sadness tomorrow! Thinking of you, from Lauren

  14. Mz13114
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    30 posts
    26 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools. Love reading your stuff and the challenge I get by thinking in a better way. I'm at an international nursing school to up skill my nursing. I was so isolated and didn't want to engage in anything after Gus died.

    I was travelling really bad and knew I had to meet new people. I'm pretty lucky with the class I am in and love how our language differences don't affect our friendships. I'm just glad I did it even if I whinge about study.

    cheers. Mz13114

  15. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    26 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Lauren,

    I actually cried when I read your response. Thank you for being here - even in cyberland. Unfortunately my son's Autism is moderate so it makes him in the low functioning range and he is limited with his verbalisation. I deplore his father (was his emotional and in the end physical punching bag), however I try and work in especially for anything medical. The other isn't firing on all four cylinders and was fortunate to have an expensive and aggressive lawyer - thank goodness that chapter is half closed. Today was half promising - does that count? My fiancée and I went for a 3km walk this morning - that was good. My younger sister caught up with us for lunch - which was trying, I am used to having a lot of eyeroll moments her. On a downside - having a day with no kids  (school/kindy ) I suggested some "romance" he tried but clearly wasn't interested so it made it worse. I feel sometimes he wants a friend rather than a partner. The day wound up with a lot of annoyance from ex no 2 (manipulative liar and cheat - violent at the end, I can pick them 😕😮I will try make sure I get to group next Monday, there are a few strong personalities there and not to make waves I have to bite my tongue and yes I am a late comer to the group, makes it a bit harder to fit in. My fiancée asked me if I wanted to try and get into a hobby or something. The sad part is it has been so long that I have done anything for myself, I no longer know what I enjoy or like - that part feels lost and makes me feel even worse. I hope your day went well and it is nice to know someone is thinking of me. Take care and bless you for being in the world - you are an inspiration Lauren - Indra 

  16. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    26 May 2015 in reply to Mz13114

    Hi Mz13114,

    Thanks for the encouraging words. I am learning so much about myself and others through being connected to this forum.

    I have been thinking I would like to do a counselling course so will see about that some time.

    Congratulations to you for working on contributing to your nursing skills. I hope you are able to grow some of the friendships you have there.

    It is only through talking with other people that we learn they too may be struggling with something and you may be able to help each other.

    Just having someone to say good morning to each day can certainly help a person who may be feeling alone and nervous about being in a group.

    Sometimes when a loved one dies, it is hard to think that world is continuing on when you might wish for everything to stop for a while so you can comprehend what has happened.

    As tragic as Gus' death has been, you do not know when you may be able to help someone else who is going through the same thing.

    I wish you well with your studies, I hope you have some lovely times with your fellow students and may you grow in strength.

    Thinking of you and thanking you once again for sharing your strength with us all.

    Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

     

     

     

    2 people found this helpful
  17. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    26 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    my next quote goes like this:

    "A TRUE FRIEND IS THE MOST PRECIOUS OF POSSESSIONS AND THE ONE WE TAKE LEAST THOUGHT ABOUT ACQUIRING."

    By La Rochefoucauld

    For some reason I have just thought of my first boyfriend! We were 5 years old and had just started school! He had bright red hair and I thought he was wonderful. We would hold hands and I even kissed him on the cheek!

    Then he became ill and had to leave school to start the next year. I was devastated!  Ha. Ha. I felt like I had lost my best friend!

    Friendships, they really are special, if they be in person, from across the world or the other side of a computer screen!

    I would like to encourage you all to reach out to someone today, even if it just with a smile and a hello.

     

    Cheers to you all, from Mrs. Dools

     

    1 person found this helpful
  18. Mz13114
    blueVoices member
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    28 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools,

    Funny how things occur when we share something. One of my classmates, who I have been helping, has become very hard to handle. Constant phone calls, lots of negative talk about others and I have even been threatened by her irrational behaviour.

    I have tried to give her phone numbers for help for her problems and she became more aggressive toward me. I worry for her and without giving details, I let the clinical co ordinator know. When stuff like this happens, I just want to hide again but I know that's a bad outcome for me.

    I am always wiling to be there for people but I know I am not a professional who has answers. I hope she is OK. but I know I have to be mindful of how I am and not slip into darkness myself. Our class is looking out for her and keeping in touch. It reminds me of the stress young people go through with their studies.

    Thanks for your post.

    Cheers.

    Mz.

  19. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    29 May 2015 in reply to Mz13114

    Hi Mz,

    I think you have done the right thing by alerting the clinical coordinator know this person needs some assistance.

    There is the old saying that says "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink". People can be a little like that. We can provide others with help and assistance and phone numbers, but if they are unwilling to use them, there is little else we can do.

    I had a girl friend who was in great need of mental health care, but she would not listen to anything I had to suggest. Each time I met her, she would go over the same troubles all of the time.

    I feel that some people are not happy unless they are grumbling, or they have become so stuck in a rut they do not know how to get out any more.

    You have tried to help this person, and well done to you. We sometimes have to cut our extra connection with people if they are dragging us down.

    Congratulations to you for being wise enough to know when you have had enough and when you need to back down. It is not like you have left this person floundering as it seems like others are assisting as well.

    I hope you do not have to study all weekend and you have some nice distractions and happenings planned.

    Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

  20. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    29 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Todays quote on friendships goes like this:

    When the chips are not exactly down but just scattered about, you discover who your real friends are!" By Richard Burton

    That is true, but also when you are really struggling, that is when real friendship shines. It is also great to have friends when everything is going excellent.

    Friends at any time are so beneficial to our well being. Friends may be in person, over the phone, via emails and posts!

    Here's sending you all a cheery and friendly "good aye"

    From Mrs. Dools 

     

     

  21. Mz13114
    blueVoices member
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    2 June 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools,

    I have been studying and thanks for replying to my anxious post. I see my troubled mate tomorrow and I will be friendly and hope she is Ok. I am just starting to see that I need to be a friend to myself or I have not much to give to others. Sounds so cliche until it makes sense from my own experience.

    Thanks for being here.

    Cheers.

    Mz.

  22. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    4 June 2015 in reply to Mz13114

    Hi Mz13114,

    Yes, it is important for us to look after ourselves. If we are feeling very low and dispirited then it is hard to help and assist anyone else.

    It is not being at all selfish, it is just a fact of life.

    Sometimes just saying hello and asking how someone else is feeling might be all we can offer them some days.

    Hopefully this other person will be okay and will be able to find ways to better cope with the stressors and tensions in life as well.

    All the best with your studies!

    Will chat again soon. Cheers from Mrs. Dools

  23. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    4 June 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Today's quote is

    GOOD FRIENDS ARE GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH

    by Dr. Irwin Sarason

     

    How true is this! Sometimes we don't always hear from our friends as much as we would like to, but it is comforting to know they are there!

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