Hi EM,

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a really difficult day too.

It was lovely reading about your surprise papaya in a pot and the wonderful memories you have of your loving Nana.

My Nana used to grow the most delicious tomatoes and veges. Her small yard seemed huge to me as a child and I remember the strong smell of chicken manure! Maybe that was her secret.

Have you picked out a spot to plant your papaya and pomegranate?

Yeah I’m struggling at the moment processing things both past and present.

I’ve used denial to ‘run away’ from scary and painful stuff for many years and it’s now catching up with me. I’m waking up with feelings of panic/dread/nausea.

When I was younger, I experienced a sudden, painful family break up that I didn’t see coming and never figured out. I lost my family connection and never got it back. (This is a short simplification of a long story - sorry it’s vague).

Fast forward to now... my husband is currently transitioning to being female. He hasn’t told anyone except for me, our kids and his parents yet.

There are days I enjoy helping him with makeup advice and seeing his self image improve etc. At the same time I feel lost about my own identity and frustrated with the path I took in life.

I was going to start a thread somewhere but not sure what category my feelings fall under.

Gardening is something I love, and can relate to with others. And it’s a little haven for the heart.

With thanks for your kindness, and for creating the space for us to share.
L.

Darling Lillylane, hugest hugs in the world. I'm so sorry. You're talking about huge losses in anyone's language.

I started my thread in the Introduction section. You can start in the Intro if you want to? BB is supportive.

Okay house keeping out of the way.... it's pretty terrible when as children we "don't have answers"... I found those unanswered questions haunted me. (This happened to me too btw, break up with weirdness then estrangement).

I hope you start a thread, lots more people will reach out to support you there.

The situation you're in with your marriage must be extremely difficult. IDK how you manage all the feelings you have but you seem to be extending alot of loving support to your H... I'm wondering if anyone is supporting you?
This "change" isn't just about him.

Talk on here anytime at all... thinking of you.

Love EM

Yes it would be nice to talk about a PAWPAW tree instead of lantana lol!

I have a spot to plant it, I think.... because we are heading into a long hot Summer, I think I will leave it in the pot and plant it in Autumn next year.

This may give me time to clear the JASMINE! LOL... oh from one issue to another.
All good.
At the moment the jasmine is holding our rickety old fence up lol!
My elderly neighbours on that side are almost 100yo!
I'm not talking to them about a new fence, that would be cruel.

I will also be planting a pomegranate tree in the same area OR I just realised...

The old pool I was going to turn into a Greenhouse cannot be done. It's too rusty. SO I guess next year I will be pulling the pool and pool fence down and have a gaping hole in my garden.
Easier said than done getting those things OUT of my garden, I dread having to hire a mini backhoe - seriously.

I know the pawpaw and pomegranate would much prefer that spot. Right below the water tank lol and a more "tropical" micro climate.

I won't be making an indoor "green wall" anymore as we are turning that porch into an indoor room. So I have two large pieces of steel reinforcement covered in chicken wire to use as barriers for those 2 young plants.

It may be 2y before I plant them there.
Next year to clear pool stuff.
Then leaf mould and compost the area.
Following year to plant.

What's everyone else up to in the garden?

EM

The gardens growing crazy at the moment with the warmer.Its really starting to get hot here.The vegie gardens full of life with sweet corn,silverbeet,water melons,pumpkins,tomatoes,egg plants,shalotts, and potatoes all growing well.
My grapevine has loads of bunches of grapes coming on.My nectarine has a few fruit maturing nicely.Put a fruit fly trap on the tree.Fruit fly is a big problem here.With all the talk about pawpaws It has made me want to plant one.I might plant one near my bananas.Has anyone ever grown Bababcos?They grow very similar to pawpaws but very juicy fruit.I use to grow them years ago.
This morning I pruned back a grevillea that was growing right on the fence and it just finished flowering.My neighbour is going to put up a new timber fence there.
It is very dry here and my tanks are getting empty and need rain badly here.Been using both tank and town water at the moment
Happy gardening ,
Mark.

Hi Matchy your garden sounds bountiful as ever!!!

My nectarines are tiny atm but there are tons of them... around the time of ripening we have to get as many as possible because overnight the fruit bats swoop and eat the lot.
That's okay. They can't buy stuff at shops. We can.

Haven't heard of Bababcos, wow, very interesting lol.

I can't possibly think of planting more trees after the pawpaw and pomegranate, the blueberry bushes after the building work is done FOR SURE... then just more veg and herbs.

Still thrilled about finding the Nellie Kelly Passionfruit growing by accident. So happy.
And the baby mulberry, no doubt sprouted by birds from my old one, and an heirloom lemon tree that must've come from the neighbour's tree lol.

We have a Community Garden a few houses away and another one near my work, so I'll be getting some veg and herbs from those over the warmer months.
I take my chook poo laden straw for the garden beds and do a "silent trade" lol.

I have to stay busy to deal with sad things here, it's a sanctuary in the garden so I'm very grateful to have it.

Love EM

Dear EM, It meant so much to receive your response. It’s freeing to share here. Thank you.

Yes, those unanswered questions really take a toll. I’ve always felt an uneasy restlessness - like I’m never ‘at home’ anywhere, even though I do now have a young family and a roof over my head.

Out in the garden today... our grapevine and passionfruit (that just popped up by itself) are growing fast at the moment, covering up our fence and making our garden look a lot more lush than it really is.

We really need that rain soon too...

We benefit from our neighbour’s grevillias growing behind our back fence - they have flowered beautifully this year. Amazing to watch the birds collect nectar from the flowers on a windy day. They get flung all over the place and upside down, but they still manage to hold on.

Saw many beautiful plants at a nursery today. Didn’t buy anything, but my mind is spinning with a few ideas now. I’d like to slowly add some more bee-attracting plants.

Thank you again

Hi Em I woke up this morning with a bit of drizzly rain with forecast of possibly a storm later.I can only hope for some decent falls here.
I struggle everyday to get out of bed and do something.I rather see just stay in bed crying and let the world go by.I know it is like for you Em when you say you are struggling .It's a really hard effort for me to get outside and do some gardening.It is amazing how much I have achieved by forcing my self.
Today I might see if I can do some cleaning and go through my son's clothes and toys.
I haven't had and problems with fruit bats only birds but they are welcome in my garden and in a drought need a feed.
Babaco is a hybrid from Ecuador and is in the Carica family.
Happy gardening,
Mark.

Dear Mark, I'm so sorry I missed your last post!

We had a psychological tornado here for a while with my son up and leaving to go live down South, and he's still at school!
I really didn't know which way was up for a good 10 days after he left. I was so upset.

I'm feeling more settled now.

I'm sorry you've felt so sad Mark!! HUGEST HUGS!

When you speak of your garden it brings such joy to us all here.

What's been going on for you?

Tonight I happened to come across a great find in the supermarket by complete accident.
I passed some liriopes on my way out. They had $10 on EACH plant, yeah right... no way lol.
Then I saw underneath it said $4... so I took one to the checkout and asked them to check the price.
OMG TWO DOLLARS EACH... and in some pots there were FOUR plants!
So last Sunday it would've cost me $20 for 2 pots of liriopes (which I wouldn't have paid - so I didn't lol).
Today I got 8 pots of them for $16!

I get really excited when I get a garden bargain lol.

I hope you feel better soon Mark.

Love EM

Hi Em I am sorry about your son moving out it is really heart breaking for you.I also struggling with my daughter as her mental health isn' really good with her depression and anxiety.I can' get her to go to school half the time as she will be in her bed just crying.She got an academic award monday so she is pretty bright.She only has next year to go for school.

The liruopes sound like a good find and you can subdivide them.Good for filling in and grow fast and very hardy.

My vegie garden is growing crazy now with a bit of rain I had.The corn is starting to come into flower now and potatoes have all come up now.The melons are starting to spread.My grape vines are growing crazy with so many bunches coming on.I might try and cover some over as the birds seem to get most of them usually.My Nectarine has a few fruit on it half grown.My orange rose has come out in flower that I planted in winter and it is such a pretty colour.

More rain forecast here for the coming days so hopefully I can get my tanks close to full.I am off to the dentist soon to get my lose tooth looked at after being knocked lose in surgery and then the following friday I am back at the hospital for more test.

Happy gardening,

Mark.

Hi Mark

YES I CAN divide up the liriopes, so exciting!

And getting your tooth fixed, omg it was knocked loose in surgery.... grrrr pretty angry about that for your Mark. Sorry that happened.

We have similar problems with our daughters. My daughter doesn't want to go to school all the time... she goes about half the time too. She has major friendship issues (dramas) all the time and gets very hurt by it all.

This week I told her she needs to "ditch education altogether and do it later if she wants".
I thought she could find out about a Traineeship where she has a PT job and she loves working there.

I decided outright that her MH is far more important than any "standards" that are set for the entire age group. She's very bright too but

Then today she went to school without any prodding. IDK things are difficult for kids and harder for those with MH issues.

Hugs!

SO HAPPY to hear your vege patch is bursting lol!

I am loving the small amount of rain we're getting, I'll take anything lol.

We have town water but it's expensive to use for the garden too. So I put in 2 water tanks ages ago and I use that for all my gardening (except when they run dry!)..

Love EM

Hi dear fellow gardeners

We’ve had some rain too over the last couple of days (for the first time in months). It’s incredible how the air changes and everything responds so quickly.

What a great find with that liriope EM! I have one which has survived the dry so well.

Another one I like is the NZ rock lilly. It’s expensive to buy at the shops so I tried dividing one I had in a back corner and I think they are all taking. It’s been great growing in a difficult dry shady spot under trees.

Your vege garden sounds amazing, Mark. This rain might prompt me to try a couple of tomato plants in containers.

I’d love to get a water tank. Not sure where we’d put it. Would have to be a compact one.

I have two very young daughters. Fraternal twins. They turn 5 in a few weeks so they can start school next year. I’ve been agonising over the decision a bit. Seems like such a different world to kindy. Deep down I think they’ll be fine at Prep, and their Kindy teacher doesn’t see any problems, but what will things be like when they are older I wonder?

Hi Lillylane

From Plants to Prep.... I LIKE IT! lol.

How did I know we were kindred spirits lol.... I also have multiple birth sons... more than 2 and identical... and now 18yo. (I have other sons and daughters too).

Re: your daughter's starting school next year, follow your instincts.
But I would hold them back if you have any skerrick of doubt.

Part of my daughter's problem now she's in high school (which I TOLD her might happen) is that everyone is much older than her. They're into things she's NOT in to, like boys boys boys. She used to love school and now hates it.

My son's on the other hand I did hold back (they were supposed to be disabled)... I home schooled them and then started them late when one wanted to go to school.
They've powered through school and with so many awful things happening in our family which we're all recovering from.

Liriopes! Awesome!
Yes I traded for one years ago (in a Community Trading Group which is freaking awesome - I;ll rejoin later with more time) - they were very expensive at the time - and it's HUGE! And having babies lol.
But when I see a bargain I have to grab it to plant out a very large back garden. Balinese style I'm thinking, probably with a very Australian twist LOL!

I'm also accidentally growing Native Violets where grass used to be and it's SO BEAUTIFUL!
Our grass was eaten by 26 rescue chickens lol!
Now no need to mow!
omg that makes me so happy peeps.
Josh Byrnes from Gardening Australia said if you have these growing in your garden by accident then take it as a compliment... not sure why but I'll take it lol.

If I could have zero grass I would.

I planted Murraya on our front nature strip ALMOST to the roadside... a small strip of grass for the postie ofcourse. I also got these Murraya from our Trading Group.

I LOVE the smell of Murraya at Christmastime.... my kids love the smell as it signals Christmas is near, how cute.

I'm a long way out from planting much veg but we have our work garden and Community Gardens nearby for us to pick from which is great.

My Nectarines are growing by the minute and may even burst with all the rain we're getting lol.

We surely needed it, That's for sure!

Loving your green thumbs and all fingers!

EMxxxx

I finally got a pawpaw,a yellow bisexualand planted it.I use to grow a lot of pawpaws once mostly dioecious as you would get a larger crop of the female plant.
The rain has been wonderful with my little tank full and my two big ones half full now.The grass is green and will need mowing and the garden is growing crazy.
Happy gardening,
Mark.

HI Mark!

So nice to hear from you and hear all your news (or some of it lol) about your garden!

Full water tanks is a great thing coming into Summer... I hope you get your large tanks full soon... do you rely on water tank water alone?

EMxxxx

Hi Em I am lucky I am connected to town water but try a d use tank water most of the time but do switch over to town when my tanks start to get to dry.We are on tough water restrictions with town water but can water my garden with tank water any time I like while town water you can only water 3 times a week for an hour on the afternoon.My two large tanks were overflowing at the beginning of the year and then we had such a long dry spell

Hi Mark

We have town water too but I try to ONLY use tank water for the garden. Paying for water gripes me lol!

I want to connect one tank and even get another one down the track, and hook them up to a toilet and possibly one laundry.

And THANKYOU for reminding us all about needing a male / female pawpaw plant!
Mine is only a young one atm so IDK what sex it is. Plus I'll rely on you and Google to tell lol!

My next major garden purchase will be a pomegranate tree next year. I want to plant it in Autumn... we're grounding my grandchildren's placentas underneath it.. at the moment they're frozen lol... the things we do!

My nectarines are going berzerk with all that rain.
6 out of 8 days!
And even though it was really hot this morning, it cold really cold this evening and the rain started again!

We had a long dry spell too so this rain has been welcome. I'm so glad you got lots of it too lol.

Love EM

Em the only way you can tell if it's male or female is when it flowers.If it gets a long flower it's a male and a shorter flower it's a female You usually plant several diocious pawpaws to make sure you get a male for cross pollination .Also the male can get a smaller fruit on it to that you can eat.The seeds in pawpaws are edible and healthy for you.My mum use to eat them all the time.
Happy gardening,
Mark.

Thanks for that information Mark, it's alot to prepare for, esp since my pawpaw grew by accident lol!

I'd have to review my garden plans / ideas to make that all work.

Never say never, right?

For the life of me I can't remember how my grandmother did it. I was trying to remember last night.

The ONLY memory I have of her pawpaw tree (she may have more than 1, I can't remember lol) is that it was LADEN with fruit one day and she said "They're all for you".

SO a bit of research necessary for me about distance between plants etc AND whether I'll do it.
I may as well but won't be planting this one out for quite a while.
We have lots of landscaping type activities to do first.

It's raining AGAIN here today and I can't quite believe it. SO much rain. But I dare not complain lol... you know what it's like :)

Love EM

I just added up October's rainfall and we got 95mm which is ok.I would have liked more but will get my garden through Christmas.

That's STACKS and in good time too.

Happy gardening days!

EMxxxx

Thanks for your insight EM, re prep. How wonderful you are a mum to multiples... and more kids too! I’ve found it challenging just being a newbie mum of two. But now that they’re nearly five years old, it’s amazing to look back at their early years and realise how much things can change so quickly.

I’m so sorry you and your kids have been through such awful times. Wishing you every strength and support through your recovery.

Native Violets are a pretty lovely garden discovery. What a great lawn substitute. They would be loving all that rain.

Funny thing, I’ve been falling asleep to videos about lawn care. I find it helpful to listen to something as I fall asleep (rather than let my mind bring up unpleasant feelings, memories etc). But it can’t be anything I find very interesting because then I pay too much attention to to it.

Next thing I need to tackle in the garden is our front yard. It’s mostly comprised of pebbles, now full of weeds after the rain. I’d like to make it more low maintenance and greener. So lots of mulch and some herbs and ground over. The pebbles can go somewhere else. It’s a big job. Not getting the best sleep atm. So just starting with small steps - marking out the pathway from letterbox to front door. I really just want to get to the best part which is planting plants.

HI Lillylane!

High five on the multiples ✋ 😎 lol and that's a knowing wink behind those sunglasses.
WHAT A JOB.

I found the whole pregnancy and birth very traumatic - it was the medical professionals who caused all the trauma. NOT the actual pregnancy and birth, even tho it was hefty compared to a singleton experience. If you ever need to talk about what's on your mind, you can talk away here or on my thread 'new person' or if you have a thread, I can pop in there.

NOT that I have all the answers.... but it can help talking to others who've been there and survived.

NOW for the pebbled front yard omg... my first thought was I would offer the pebbles on Freecycle or my Community group if I didn't want them.
Even a section at a time.
Someone will want them for free and that means free labour for you.

I'm hearing you, we ALL want to get to the planting stage! lol. It's so fun.
Prep is 95% of the work in my garden.

A section at a time is very sensible!

What are you thinking?
Raised garden beds or straight in the soil? (It's probably gravel right?)

Have you got a list of faves to plant?

I ALWAYS companion plant to keep the pests away or distracted.
This way we get more to eat from what we plant.

Love EM

Hi EM

Can completely understand what you’re saying re the pregnancy and hospital experience! Totally!

I took a long time to fall pregnant and then had a miscarriage. Some time later we found out (during a scan) we were expecting twins - it didn’t feel real. And the first thing we were told about were all the risks and complications... I cried all the way home.

My time in hospital was traumatic and exhausting. Really wished I was allowed to go home earlier. If we were to do it all again I would know I’d have to really stand up for myself. I joined a local multiple birth group when the girls were babies and it was a huge relief and support.

On to plant babies :)
I’m picturing some oregano, thyme and rosemary in our front garden. Anything that can handle drier conditions. I’d love to try some bush tucker plants too. Native thyme and midyim berries. Has anyone grown these?

I might need another small tree, like a crepe mytle or olive tree to provide a bit more dappled shade. There might be room for a lemon myrtle.

I love trees and would plant more if it weren’t for the overhead powerlines.

The soil isn’t great - very compacted from black plastic sheeting and pebbles. So it’s gonna need some work.

Hi Lillylane bush Tucker is great to grow.I have grown a lot over the years.Midyim berries are pretty hardy usually grow them in semi shade.Gets tiny white soft fruit on them which pleased enough to eat.While I was at bunnings yesterday I did see the native thyme there and was all ost going to buy one and then next to it was a natie bluberry Lilly which is a grassy looking plant that gets edible berries on it and it said on the tag frost hardy and drought tolerant which will be perfect for my garden.

Happt gardening,

Mark

Hi Lillylane

I'm very sorry about your miscarriage.
I'm so happy you have your gorgeous girls.

I'm happy we SURVIVED! It was a dreadful experience really bec of the medical ppl involved, if I took them OUT of the whole thing, it would have been a BEAUTIFUL experience pregnancy and stuff.

HUGS.

Your front garden plans sound great! YES ALOT OF HARD WORK lol.
I try to work my butt off during the cooler months bec it's awful doing it during Summer here.

Have you set out a rough design for that tough patch?

Are you going to plant your herbs straight into the ground?

I suggest having an idea where you want to plant those beautiful natives and noting / knowing the sun pattern across that garden.

Then with the super hardy plants; rosemary being the most hardy... planting that where it will get the most sun, even with the growth of your natives - because they GROW!

I'm telling you this bec I didn't realise how tall my photinias would grow and they shaded my lavender (loves same conditions as rosemary). One completely died with lack of it's faves and the other one is crawling out onto the path to GET more sun lol.

This wouldn't normally bother me but I had a potager garden there "French Style" and everything was supposed to be symmetrical lol.
So much for that idea working.
I can hardly turn the SUN around!

But it's all FUN and it's all about learning.

The ONE character trait GOOD gardeners must develop is RESILIENCE LOL!

BTW I turned the photinias into a "Bosco"!

Have you seen the GREAT Monty Don shows on Netflix?
Sure that's in England and France AND Italy lol but he teaches so many things through those shows... and as gardeners we can never know it all!

LOVE YOUR WORK! and sweat and tears lol....

Love EM

Thankyou Mark!

Thanks for popping in with your wealth of knowledge about Natives!

I'm crowning you our RESIDENT NATIVE EXPERT here lol and if anyone else knows about natives then we can form a BRAINS TRUST here lol.

LOVE YOUR WORK!

Love EM

Hi Mark,

Thank you for sharing your experience with bush tucker plants. I managed to find small midyim berry plants at a local nursery so I’m looking forward to planting one (or maybe more).

I’ll keep an eye out for that native blueberry lilly which I haven’t seen before.

We have some large Lilly Pillys along the fence of our back yard. Have made jam from the fruit - this year made about 5 big jars worth and I think it’s my favourite kind of jam now.

Wishing you happy gardening

L.

Thank you EM for your kindness. Yes we survived! What a journey.

I tried making weed tea by the way and wondered what you use to store it in before using it?

Our front garden is east facing - about a third of it has some light shade from deciduous trees.
For now I’ll focus on one side of the pathway to start with. It’s a small area and includes an existing garden bed, which I’ll just extend. The soil doesn’t seem too bad there - I’ll dig in a bit of compost. The weeds have gone nuts - forming a very green carpet - it almost looks pretty being so green.

Oh I will check out Monty Don’s shows. They sound great.
I had to look up the word “Bosco” as well, as I don’t know what that is. But it came up with a chocolate drink. I can’t imagine making a chocolate drink from photinias, so I’m not on the right track, am I? Haha!

I love all my plants equally of course, but feel extra pressure to keep them alive if they’ve been gifted to me. My mother in law (oh the pressure!!!) gave me a Rosemary plant and I’m so glad it’s hardy and survived the awful summer we had last year.

Hope you get some lovely gardening weather,

L.

Hi Lillylane lol a chocolate drink lol!

A bosco is a well trimmed hedge at the bottom and cloud like formation at the top! above heads.
It could be spelt differently IDK but I heard and saw it in one of the European garden shows... omg you'll LOVE those shows!

There are Australian ones on ABC iView too!

I was lucky enough to get about twenty 11 litre buckets with snap tight lids through my Trading Group years ago for alternative currency ie NO money lol.
Some Restaurants sell them cheap or give them away.
Bunnings more expensive, I'd rejoin my Trading Group JUST to get them lol!
My daughter used an old garbage bin but the lid.... didn't do the job lol.

IT SMELLS like cow manure! Because it's JUST like cow manure lol.

Seaweed tea is less offensive but still smelly!

SOME ppl put an aquarium aerator in the bottom of the bucket. I think that's fussy but good on them! lol.

ALL YUMMY for the garden.

You know what those "weeds" are telling you right?
That the soil in THAT spot needs aerating, weeds have deeper roots than grass.
That it needs microbial and subterranean creatures like earth worms...
Weeds enrich the soil UNTIL it's rich enough to sustain grass or other hungry plants.
AND the soil needs NITROGEN.

I love weeds because of what they're trying to tell me.
Bindii are telling us strongly that the soil is TOO compacted. I only take them out in spots RIGHT next to grass or plants I want growing across the spot.

So your instincts were SPOT ON making weed tea!

I cut my tall weeds at their bases... or mow them.... until I can see a more preferable plant taking over. (Unless it's lantana then I RIP that out! but don't scream, even lantana can enrich soils in many ways).

Mother Earth doesn't like to be left naked. So plants that can be sustained WILL move in to cover her up.

Enough weed tea WILL kill weeds. They're simply not needed any more because you've raised the nitrogen level high enough.

Love EM

Just an update on my Nectarine,I have been harvesting them and they have been deliciously sweet.The birds think so to as they are getting a good feed as well.