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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Sick and tired of being sick

Topic: Sick and tired of being sick

  1. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    15 December 2020 in reply to Sophie_M
    Thank you Sophie! I am sweating in the humidity and feeling physically ill. I had bad indigestion from binge eating last night. But got up mid morning to take meds with a banana. I have a high pain day as well. Took some soda but now feel bloated all over and got dressed and went to an appointment only to find out that it's tomorrow and not today. I felt so stupid. But the secretary "tried" to fit me in... but it looked like she wasn't even going through the motions. And she just mumbled something about it being so close to Christmas. I walked out of there.. and sweated all the way home. Just because it's grey outside doesn't mean that it's cold weather! I was all rugged up which only made things that much more uncomfortable for me. I'm home now an got undressed the moment I was through the front door. I feel ill still and can't get cool as my fan is in pieces on the lounge room floor because I'm too thick to put it together. And to top things off my phone keeps typing random things all by itself when I go into chat mode on messenger or send a text message. Previously I just restarted it and it fixed it. But now I couldn't even do that. I think this phone needs to be replaced and I don't have a cent to my name.
  2. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    16 December 2020 in reply to Bbydoll

    My friend finally came over and fixed my light bulb and put together my fan for me. He was only over for an hour but was very apologetic about taking so long; he was dealing with a lot of family issues but obviously I didn't know about that because he wasn't communicating to me before hand. I've had another 2 fillings done by the dental clinic and have a cleaning to be done by them. ThenI need a further 4 fillings done at a private clinic and my crown which will cost $1000. And despite me needing all of this work done. There is no follow up appointments at the dental clinic it's complete b.s because I obviously am going to need a watchful eye on my teeth and don't have the money plus have medical conditions and medications that give me dry mouth and contribute to ongoing issues. .. but nope. I'm back in the private system and she said... oh make sure that you get a professional clean every 6 months... like I'm deliberately not looking after myself. I'm angry with myself and my body for letting me down. I have every intention of doing things like sorting all the clothes strewn across the floor.. and cleaning my apartment but all I managed today was to get up have breaky etc walk to the dental clinic and then walk to Australia post who of course didn't deliver my parcel... which doesn't fit in my backpack.. so I use a plastic bag to walk a kilometer or so home... then jump into the shower in an attempt to get my body temperature down. I looked like a tomato at this stage... fall into bed and sleep.. wake up about 3 hours later, binge eat and drink. Making myself feel ill. And bloat up. There's nothing worthwhile on tv.. so I'll probably listen to music until I don't feel ill. Then go to sleep. So it feels like a waste of a day. My place is the worst it's been. Yet I can't get any help. And so I'm stuck with it. I was struggling with the heat, the humidity and a body that's not working properly. I feel like my bodies general conditioning has deteriorated so much. And I want to do more and I can't and I'm so frustrated and angry and no one has a clue how much I'm struggling and there's no way out of the struggle.

  3. monkey_magic
    Valued Contributor
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    3934 posts
    17 December 2020 in reply to Bbydoll
    Hey Bbydoll,

    I hear you. It sounds like you've been struggling on your own for a very long time.

    Lots of good news in your latest thread though. Stuff that needed to be done is done.

    Sorry to hear that your body's general condition has deteriorated so much. Your situation is unique and non- comparible to others because it's a very different set of circumstances. A lot of us have something to bear in our lifetime and yours is your health. It is unfair if u ask me but life is unfair to some of us.

    It's been unfair to me but I'm also very lucky and have had blessings along the way too.

    The good comes with the bad. Count your blessings.

    I also believe we are the creator of our own destinies. While there are things we have no control over, there is also a lot that we do have control over.

    Here's to hoping you have a merry Xmas and better experiences in the new year.
    🥂
  4. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    18 December 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hey Monkey, thanks for your kind words. I'm sick of struggling with my health - it's been since I was a teenager. I'm in my 40s now. And have been adding vertigo to the list.. which isn't fun at all.

    Plus I'm still struggling with the finances. So Christmas isn't going to be exciting unfortunately. I can barely afford to keep my head above water. I just want life to be easier and it never gets any easier. I'm so tired of struggling with everything and no support. I know what I want from life. And it never happens. .. so I don't know why I'm trying to make it happen.

    I'm sick of struggling and sick of life

  5. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5926 posts
    18 December 2020 in reply to Bbydoll
    Hey Bbydoll, thanks for continuing to share your story here on the Beyond Blue forums. We're very sorry to hear how much you are struggling tonight. We acknowledge how difficult things have been for you and can understand your frustration that things do not seem to get easier. But we promise you that there are always positive times ahead and there is support available if you need it.  We think it would be reassuring for you to read over our Financial wellbeing webpage, it hosts a lot of useful resources such as the Covid-19 Financial Survival Guide.  Have you been able to reach out to our Support Service? The Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14 are available to provide support and advice 24/7. Please do feel free to use these services to talk through what's on your mind when it's feeling like too much to cope with.
    Please also feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it.
  6. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7371 posts
    18 December 2020 in reply to Bbydoll

    Hey Bbydoll, my struggles are different to yours. But I feel the same as you... I am sick of struggling and sick of life.

    Just wondering what it is that you want out of your life?

  7. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    22 December 2020 in reply to Shelll
    Hi Shelll, thanks for your reply. I'd love to be able to afford to travel to Japan when the cherry blossoms are in season or do a trip from LA to New york. Or visit Canada and see Lake Louise. I wanted to get married and have a couple of kids and a couple of dogs. My ill health has meant that I can't work and haven't managed to complete any type of full or part time study in person. EVERY single time I put myself out there and attempt to complete something - my health deteriorates and I get sicker - and not having any type of physical support means that I have to give up whatever I'm doing and rest and try and get over a flare of my illnesses. I can't even get a boyfriend -because no guy wants to be tied down to someone with ill health and that walks with a cane in their 40s. I've tried getting help from the disability officer on campus at my local university but even that wasn't enough. I still have to run errands; do my washing and cooking and chores on top of being unwell and often in a lot of physical pain. I'm tired of being a complete failure. I have been rejected by the NDIS and I'm sure it's because I have auto inmune illnesses - which they don't see as a disability. I only have 2 friends that I see once a blue moon. Any other friends are online. I'm struggling financially which means that I can't afford the Internet. I don't have any streaming services on my tv. I'm being screwed over by my phone company and can barely afford to eat properly which doesn't help my health. I need to see specialist doctors but can't afford it. I need to get work done on my teeth that isn't covered by the local dental clinic.. I'm physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually drained and I'm tired of struggling with EVERY aspect of my life. I don't talk to most of my family because I can't trust them. Mum is in care. Dad has passed. And the only other family that I see rarely is my brother and his family.
  8. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7371 posts
    22 December 2020 in reply to Bbydoll

    The dream you have of travelling sounds real good. I would love to do that as well. Going to Canada sounds especially nice. Do you have an adventurous spirit then? It sounds like you do. I have one.

    Troubling circumstances in life often feel like a storm to me. I sort of feel tossed around and they can feel so so overwhelming and heavy. And it's a challenge to see anything good in life. I think I need to look better at the good things, things that are lovely, things that are beautiful etc. Do you ever do that at all? Cause it is not easy when swamped with all this heavy stuff. And sometimes challenging when you are dealing with physical pain.

    Cherry blossoms sound pretty, I am not sure what they look like. But will find out

  9. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    23 December 2020 in reply to Shelll

    Cherry blossoms are beautiful and leave a trail of blossoms on the ground. Not surprisingly it's a busy time in Japan when they come out! I love the food as well.

    Hard times make me feel like I'm suffocating - especially at the moment and I feel invisible in dealing with this alone. I'm finding it very difficult not to want hurt myself at the moment... even without the crappy year that everyone seems to have had!

  10. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5926 posts
    23 December 2020 in reply to Bbydoll
    Dear Bbydoll,

    We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. This year has definitely been hard and overwhelming for many. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Please know that our community is here for you. 
     
    We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). If you do feel unsafe or want to hurt yourself, we strongly encourage you to call 000 or to visit your local emergency department for support. 
  11. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    23 December 2020 in reply to Sophie_M
    Thank you Sophie. Unfortunately my Christmas plans have been canceled due to my brother and sister in law being unwell. (Not covid); but because I'm immune suppressed -they don't want to pass it onto me. I'm going to be reading and watching dvds over the next 2 days. Due to being stressed I've been binge eating which isn't making me feel any better.. it's making me feel worse and I'm fat and bloated. I'm also retaining fluid which means my kidneys are also not working properly. Going to have an early night. And a hot shower. It's ironic; I often offer help to my friends out but none of them ever support me - even just listening to what I'm going through.
  12. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5926 posts
    23 December 2020 in reply to Bbydoll
    Hi Bbydoll,

    That's so upsetting to hear about your Christmas plans - it seems like that most people's plans are being disrupted, either directly or indirectly, by COVID19 this year. And the feelings of being bloated must also be adding to feeling worse physically; a hot shower seems like a really nice way to try and manage that.

    We hope that you can enjoy your shower tonight and that you will also be able to find some hidden gems in what you're watching and reading over these next two days as well!
  13. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7371 posts
    24 December 2020

    I see what you mean by the Cherry blossom trees. I just had a look at a few. They are absolutely beautiful. There was a line of them all pretty and pink. Wonder if they grow in Australia well? Can you speak Japanese at all?

    And can you visit with your brother and sister in law via zoom or something similar? And your with your mum at all?

    The suffocating feeling you mentioned does sound like a bit like the heaviness and stormy thing that has been happening to me. Though today and yesterday was a little calmer.

    What is the autoimmune illness you experience? You may have mentioned before though.

    Is the swelling in your feet and legs, does putting your feet up help. I use to work as an enrolled nurse so I am remembering when patients had swollen feet and legs, we helped them raise there legs up into a foot stool. Also they wore these white stocking things to help with there circulation.

    I better go as the dishes need to be washed up.

  14. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7371 posts
    25 December 2020 in reply to Bbydoll

    How are you today Bbydoll?

    I wanted to let you know you popped into my thoughts as I was singing a song a few minutes ago. The song I was singing was an incredibly encouraging one. And I found myself being happier

    It was like some of the gloom and the heaviness and overwhelming feelings I had been experiencing left me.

    Parts of the words in this song were about singing. And sing loud in the midst of the storm (storm often being difficult, sad, awful, heavy circumstances in life)

    So yeah anyway I really want to encourage you to find a song that is a happy one, one that has words of encouragement of some kind in it. And simply sing it aloud with everything within you. If you can left your hands in the air, I reakon do it. Or even dance if you can.

    Maybe it all sounds weird. But it did help me just now. And you did pop into my thoughts, so I was thinking I should tell you.

    Shelley

  15. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    25 December 2020 in reply to Shelll

    Thank you Sophie and Shelley. I'm lying down at the moment did some cleaning this morning and cooked myself a lovely lunch (with leftovers for dinner). I was going to try and have a nap but the vertigo is playing up, so that's put a stop to it. I will be catching up with my brother and his family next month some time when they're well again. I have a background illness of chronic fatigue syndrome and Crohns disease (multiple operations including the removal of colon/appendix). I now also have been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, sjgroens and something else which I have gone blank on. Plus chronic pain syndrome. My kidney function hasn't been working properly for 18months and I'm overdue to see my kidney doctor; my GP is concerned that I may have permanent kidney damage. My dad was on dialysis before he passed (but not from that). And every time I see the kidney doctor, I have a small panic attack as I worry that I might end up there myself. I already put my feet up when I sit down at home. And have propped up my feet in bed... and being a frequent flyer at the local hospital I've known to do that. Plus I have neuropathic pain in my feet, so they're often sore anyways. The bloated feeling is in my feet/ankles and stomach. I'm fairly certain that I've gained more weight from binge eating. Which helps nothing! One of the problems with having crohns and so many surgeries is that I can't tell why I'm so bloated in my stomach.. it's probably a combination of the surgeries and Crohns disease; I did ask my gastroenterologist about it but he had no answers - I'm one of his more complicated cases.... as with everything it seems.

    Shelley, thank you for thinking of me. Music is a big passion of mine. So I can relate. It's usually what I listen to, even when I'm unwell/in a lot of pain, I can switch on my headphones and shut out everything else. I don't speak Japanese. I don't know if they're the same, but I know in Tasmania they have cherry trees there. I visited a friend of mine about 9 years ago. And I saw a few random cherry trees along the front of a few houses. They also have a cherry farm, which you can visit that produces cherry flavoured lollies, ice cream and all sorts of things. As well as giving some information on how they all started in photos and information in their foyer.

    I wish I could have some relief from my pain. Which unfortunately is made worse from actually doing errands = no quality of life for anyone.

  16. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    25 December 2020 in reply to Bbydoll
    Raynauds disease was the one that I couldn't think of! I finished eating the leftovers from lunch and am watching a couple of dvds as I managed to hook up the dvd player to my tv on my own; which I'm pretty impressed by because I'm hopeless with any kind of technology stuff.
  17. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    8 January 2021 in reply to Bbydoll

    I've been really struggling. Trying to stay offline to save money because I'm being screwed over by the phone company. But I can't access this site on free wifi at the local shopping center. I want to change my life for the better. But it's seemingly impossible when everything is against me all the damn time! My mum has been unwell and although she's in care now - they're looking at boosting the support she's getting. Her health is declining because she's sitting in her room mourning the loss of another man she befriended who has unfortunately passed away. It's been 12 months since ive seen her. And my brother has seen her a couple more times.

    I really want and need this year to be better... but I fear I'm in for another bumpy year and I can't take much more hardships.

  18. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    9 January 2021 in reply to Bbydoll
    Yesterday I spent 4 hours at the shops running errands and grocery shopping. I was and still am exhausted despite sleeping last night from 1030pm until 530pm today. It's beyond a joke. And my friend was bitching to me about her supposed boyfriend problems whilst I have real issues that I'm dealing with. She is trying to push a guy into a relationship that he says he doesn't want. After failed marriages - you'd think she would learn. But no she doesn't. I have to see my mum tomorrow when all I want to do is sleep and sleep doesn't take away my physical pain. It doesn't change my exhaustion. It changes nothing. I'm constantly running on empty with everything. .. money, energy. Time. It makes no difference. How do I stay positive when this is my daily CONSTANT battle. I have no support. The mental health team that I have just want me to get onto NDIS. NDIS doesn't think I need it. I'm too sick to study or work. But apparently not sick enough to need the NDIS. The mental health team actually don't want to listen to how hard things are. I can't afford to see my doctors. .. so I don't even know if I need changes to any medications because I can't afford to get there. Why on earth am I alive for? What is the point to all of this mess.. because it surely isn't a way to live.
  19. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5926 posts
    9 January 2021 in reply to Bbydoll
    Hi Bbydoll, We're so sorry to hear that you've been having such a rough time. It sounds like things are really stressful at the moment - this is maybe one reason why you are feeling so exhausted.

    Getting a good sleep can be about working towards getting into a good routine, by both going to sleep, but also waking up at the same time each day if possible. You might be interested in our page "Three tips to getting a good night's sleep" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/wellbeing/three-tips-to-getting-a-good-nights-sleep

    If you're feeling overwhelmed, please do get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) anytime you need.

    Thanks for keeping us updated on how you're going.
  20. monkey_magic
    Valued Contributor
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    3934 posts
    9 January 2021 in reply to Bbydoll
    Hi Bbydoll,

    I think U have to find something satisfying that gives U a purpose and meaning.

    I'm not telling U what to do but you could write a blog for example about your illnesses, what they're about and how you live day to day. This could attract others going through the same and you can connect. If writing and expressing yourself is your thing.

    Everyone has problems even if the level of severity differs.

    I know you feel hard done by , your words are conveying a sense of depression but accepting your crisis/ circumstances can be freeing. Even though you're doing it tougher than others, others also have it much harder than you.

    I was reading about a woman's life in Nigeria and it's been nothing but bad things happening to her but she still has a strong sense of wanting to live because she has a dream, of starting over in the UK.

    You too can start dreaming and doing things that satisfy you.

    I know an ex prisoner who discovered art in jail and laser focused on that. It kept him awake and alive while serving a long sentence.

    I can't run anymore. I can't be a personal trainer/ fitness instructor which is what I studied to be. I have a back injury, stiffness, pain.
    I used to be all about doom and gloom. When I joined BB I was about doom and gloom, then I found purpose in replying to other's threads. Then I discovered I could still swim.

    You might have limitations but you are better off than others ( I'm thinking of ppl that need carers 24/7) and many others.

    Please look for some things in life that you can do to occupy your time and make your life feel like it's worth living.
    1 person found this helpful
  21. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    9 January 2021 in reply to monkey_magic

    Thanks for your responses but with respect to you both. I've had health issues all my life. I'm almost 44. I've tried everything I can to keep my head above water but every time I try and focus on something to do to keep me occupied my health has failed me. I've tried over the years different things to study to take me down a potential path of employment at the end of it in various different fields but haven't even completed the courses because of my health. Yes I don't need a carer but I also don't have a car and can't drive. My health and fatigue are a range of auto immune illnesses that have put me through multiple stays hospitalizations and surgeries etc. The last time I tried studying online at a local campus pre admission course to potentially get me into a degree, a 20 minute train ride away! I completed the 2nd week of it. After missing the 1st week with a flu (precovid). I ended up in hospital with a suspected pulmonary edema (blood clot in my heart). They found one in my leg as well. I was immediately started on blood thinners for 3 months which is standard treatment for such matters. It threw out my menstrual cycle and I bleed heavily for 3 straight months. So I had to stop said course as I was often bed bound. I also needed a double blood and a double iron transfusion and of course went back to hospital for this! And subsequently also found antibodies to my blood making it that much harder when I need further bloods. That is just one example I can give you plenty more of them!!

    I've found out that most people in my life don't want to hear about my constant health problems 2 thongs happen. I either get sympathy from them which I don't need. Or they change the subject. Yes. People have it worse than me. I understand that. But I am struggling with this. It is why I put this post up. Because I am sick and tired of BEING sick and tired... with everything in my life. It's an ongoing issue with out any end in sight except death

  22. monkey_magic
    Valued Contributor
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    monkey_magic avatar
    3934 posts
    9 January 2021 in reply to Bbydoll
    Hi Bbydoll,

    No one knows your circumstances and what you feel everyday better than you do. Thankyou for elaborating on it so we can have more of an understanding.

    My menstrual cycle was also thrown out because of medication and I also go through it for months so we have something in common there. Mine used to be heavy, then non- existent for 6 mnths now it's light going on something like 5 months.

    I know I was probably being insensitive with some of my wording and your situation is unique but I just wanted to help you see the light.

    U might already see the light, and my whole post could have been pointless but when I was suffering it helped me to know there were others going through harder things.

    And I'm simply suggesting what has helped me and many others when our worlds came crashing down.

    Right now I'm into juicing fruits and veg because I bought a juicer and it's really given me again something else to think about and do besides my nightmare circumstances.

    I guess all I can really say is sorry that you are really struggling so much. It sounds exhausting.

    Perhaps lots of sleep is what you need for yourself.

    And I do hope even the smallest things improve for you.


    1 person found this helpful
  23. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    9 January 2021 in reply to monkey_magic
    Thanks. I appreciate the sentiments I do. I'm just really physically, emotionally, mentally, financially drained in every possible sense and no way out and I'm plain tired. And tired of trying and getting no where. But I appreciate you reading all this and your comments.
    1 person found this helpful
  24. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7371 posts
    9 January 2021 in reply to Bbydoll

    Oh Bbydoll gosh my heart goes out to you. I wish I could help you.

    I think I may be understanding a bit more. Reason being it is very challenging to focus on much else when you are feeling constant physical pain. All you want is the pain to end to feel better. And indeed you just get plain feel sick of it. Sick of being in the condition you are in. I have had a painful mouth and gums for over a month now. And I am so so very sick of it. Even to the point of wanting to punch out. Hit a punching bag or something.

    Now you have been going through your own painful time for perhaps years and years. Me only 1 month or so. You must have grown in patience and endurance. I really take my hat of to you enduring all this for so very long.

    The reason I was talking about the cherry blossoms (which you are indeed right, it's a very beautiful tree) is because it's good to try and focus on things that are lovely and beautiful. Focus on anything that helps you smile.

    Did you say you sang or like music? Personally I will listen to music and sing, only to good songs though, not ones that stir up sad or bad emotions though. It's just not worth it. Even with my mouth hurting as it is I have been singing this particular encouraging song. Often with tears.

    I really desire to help you somehow. Feeling pain sometimes just speaks so loud and yeah it is challenging to focus on other things.

    Maybe just step by step, itty bitty ones you could just notice things around you that brings some kind of happy emotions. Even a picture of a cherry blossom tree. You like those. Can you plant one at your place. I know you said they grow in Tasmania. Or maybe they cost to much.

    And do you have happy memories from childhood at all? Any with your mum. Sometimes I will try and focus on those in my life. Maybe it will help you as well.

  25. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5926 posts
    9 January 2021 in reply to Bbydoll
    Hi Bbydoll,

    Your health issues sound really painful - we don't doubt that you've been working really hard to keep your head above water, and we hope that you can feel proud of yourself for everything that you've come through so far.

    We're concerned that you say there is no end in sight except death. Please remember that if you become an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and you need to contact 000 (triple zero). We're glad to hear that the forums are of some comfort to you. If you feel up to it, you might like to take a look at one of our threads - "Words of comfort, encouragement and wisdom" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/words-of-comfort-encouragement-and-wisdom#qowLvHHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

    Thanks again for sharing here.
  26. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    10 January 2021 in reply to Shelll

    Shelll, I just listen to the music. Pretty sure my neighbours would complain if I sang as I'm in an apartment. As for cherry blossoms , I checked online but am sure that the weather is too warm where I live unfortunately. Childhood was ok. I still got sick quite a bit. But my teens I got worse and struggled with everything from then on.. including have a father almost going into jail because of abuse. Mum wasn't much better then either. Mum liked us better as kids because she'd play boardgames. But now she doesn't even want to leave her room. I'm seeing her in a few hours. But I'm exhausted. I haven't slept as I put in an order online and forgot I'm going out later in the week. I'm so pathetic.

    Sophie - that link doesn't work on my phone. It's probably because it's a very old model. But I was being honest death is real the end to the struggles.. I'm not dealing with pain then or any other torments. Sleeping is the other thing. But I either oversleep and physically can't get up. Or toss and turn all night. Either way. I'm always running on empty. Even if I'm not anemic!!!!!

    I don't feel proud. I don't feel like I've achieved anything and at this stage I'm probably not likely to either. Every year I try and achieve something. I set out and fail and repeat. Even without covid and the limitations it's putting on people.

    It makes no difference. I spoke to someone I see at the shops regularly. We chat about various things. I told her that I needed to change things for the better. And she started saying that it's all in the mind etc.. not so much as positive thinking but shifting your thinking and I wish it was that simple. But it's not... not when you ache constantly. And are so tired that your body makes mistakes and you can't think of what it is you want to say.. she just doesn't understand this. I come across as relatively normal because I have learnt to put up a mask.. but if I'm in extra pain then it's written all over my face.

  27. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    13 January 2021 in reply to Bbydoll
    We saw mum for her birthday and she was clearly depressed. Sitting crumpled in her chair watching cricket - even though she's never had any interest in it! But she seemed barely responding to my brother and I and had automated responses when the nurse on duty popped by. She had to be prompted to go and eat her lunch, when normally she's right outside the door waiting for her food. She's always had a great appetite but seemed disinterested in that. My brother and I looked at the higher care facility and he is hesitant to send her there despite the staff looking after her recommending it. Her MS is getting worse and I think because she's not engaging in activities, it's progressing faster than we would have hoped. I went and saw Frozen the musical. And absolutely loved it; but I do enjoy both of the films. I just wish my health and chronic pain were something else that weighs me down so much. I enjoyed the show but am out of action because the trip in and back to see it, is exhausting and painful. I can sit and get immersed in something for a couple of hours and forget about everything else. I don't know when I'll be able to do that again as its an expense just for the ticket alone!!
    1 person found this helpful
  28. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7371 posts
    14 January 2021 in reply to Bbydoll
    Just saw your thread pop up and thought I would say a big hello. And gee that so awesome you went to see the Frozen musical. I would love to watch that. I have been to the theatre a couple of times. Once in Sydney and watched Chitty Chitty bang Bang. Once up near me and watched Mary Poppins. So happy for you that you went
  29. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    14 January 2021 in reply to Shelll
    Thanks Shelll, it was pretty great! I was in the first few rows and at the end of the show it snowed inside the venue ( paper pieces) - if you've ever seen the snow globes where you can stand in them, a big plastic bubble -the paper was like that. It went everywhere and even managed to get under my face mask! My only social life is live music/gigs/concerts/musicals etc and it was sooooo good to be able to see a live show! It's a shame we had to wear masks because I was grinning from ear to ear after it was finished. They got a great response from the audience all the way through and being school holidays, there were kids in the audience and for the most part they were enjoying it as well.
    1 person found this helpful
  30. Bbydoll
    Bbydoll avatar
    114 posts
    23 January 2021 in reply to Bbydoll
    My mum has gone into higher care as I predicted she would. It's hard, but inevitable and I'm sure that she'll adjust in time. I have to now see a neurologist to get an MRI as I'm having frequent bouts of vertigo lasting weeks at a time. My GP wants to rule out MS - as mum's MS started out with attacks of vertigo. I have to find the money for that!! And if that wasn't enough my phone dies within about 5 minutes of being online. So I'm either in need of another new battery or a new phone.

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