Oh Bbydoll gosh my heart goes out to you. I wish I could help you.
I think I may be understanding a bit more. Reason being it is very challenging to focus on much else when you are feeling constant physical pain. All you want is the pain to end to feel better. And indeed you just get plain feel sick of it. Sick of being in the condition you are in. I have had a painful mouth and gums for over a month now. And I am so so very sick of it. Even to the point of wanting to punch out. Hit a punching bag or something.
Now you have been going through your own painful time for perhaps years and years. Me only 1 month or so. You must have grown in patience and endurance. I really take my hat of to you enduring all this for so very long.
The reason I was talking about the cherry blossoms (which you are indeed right, it's a very beautiful tree) is because it's good to try and focus on things that are lovely and beautiful. Focus on anything that helps you smile.
Did you say you sang or like music? Personally I will listen to music and sing, only to good songs though, not ones that stir up sad or bad emotions though. It's just not worth it. Even with my mouth hurting as it is I have been singing this particular encouraging song. Often with tears.
I really desire to help you somehow. Feeling pain sometimes just speaks so loud and yeah it is challenging to focus on other things.
Maybe just step by step, itty bitty ones you could just notice things around you that brings some kind of happy emotions. Even a picture of a cherry blossom tree. You like those. Can you plant one at your place. I know you said they grow in Tasmania. Or maybe they cost to much.
And do you have happy memories from childhood at all? Any with your mum. Sometimes I will try and focus on those in my life. Maybe it will help you as well.