Hubby and I have been together for 18 years and married for 11 with two kids (9 & 7). He has always been a heavy drinker and I’ve always had a problem with it, and he was diagnosed with depression soon after our first child was born (this also coincided with us moving from NZ to Aus)
He drinks every night (I can count on 1 hand the number of nights he hasn’t drunk since Feb this year after we did a 6 week challenge which he managed to abstain for, it was lovely!), usually at least 6 during the week then a dozen every night over the weekend.
He is high functioning, has a busy, stressful job and goes to the gym most mornings. He finishes work at 4pm, heads to the couch and drinks and watches tv. He’s not interacting with me or the kids and is often cranky, moody and short tempered.
Recently he told me he’s not happy with our communication and intimacy, I’ve tried telling him for years that I don’t want to do those things with him when he’s always drunk but now I feel like I’m being gaslighted and that it’s my fault there’s problems in the relationship.
I’ve had counselling over the years myself for anxiety, and we’ve done couples counselling in the past too.
I hate that the kids think this is normal behaviour but I just don’t know what to do about it anymore. I never drink as someone has to look after the kids, if an activity is after 4pm he’s unlikely to want to attend and I feel like the kids are missing out. Not to mention the expense.
He doesn’t have a good support network here, it’s mainly my family and a few mates at the gym, so this all falls on my shoulders.
I guess I’m looking for ideas on how to help him and stay sane myself.