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Topic: Supporting an alcoholic partner

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. DreadBrassier
    DreadBrassier avatar
    1 posts
    21 September 2020

    Hey guys,

    My girlfriend of 6 years has recently been drinking very heavily. Her alcohol consumption had caused issues in our relationship prior to this, but the past two or three weeks it has become a massive issue and is seriously affecting our relationship and the mental health of us both. She's told me that drinking is her way of coping with serious childhood trauma and that the past month memories of this trauma have been getting worse (and likely exacerbated by lockdown and lack of social interaction). She also suffers from body image issues and an eating disorder. Her pattern usually consists of not eating all day, having a massive dinner, drinking until she falls asleep and becoming immovable on the couch as I try and get her to bed.

    A few weeks ago she passed out on the couch after having a couple of sleeping tablets and when she woke up was completely illegible, slurring her words, tripping over and was so disoriented she didn't know where she was. This was a 'breaking point' and after giving me her sleeping tablets, I found a bunch of empty bottles of spirits hidden in our room, the bathroom and in various obscure cupboards around the house. This was devastating, I had no idea that it'd reached this point. After talking with her & many tears on both our behalves she told me she would make an appointment with a specialist. By midday the next day she was visibly drunk, reeked of alcohol but was adamant she hadnt been drinking. The past few weeks have been a repeat of this: her being obnoxiously drunk and in denial; promising to make an appointment; hiding more bottles of alcohol around the house; admitting she never made an appointment; more crying; more empty promises.

    This is taking a serious toll on me, as I'm dealing with a number of mental health issues myself. I don't want sympathy, I can't imagine the pain she goes through and how hard it must be that it's come to this point for her. I don't think I can be with this woman, the love of my life and somebody I want to have children with, if she continues to act like this.

    How can I support her through this? I'm not willing to walk out of the door, as I love her and want to help her get through it. I just cannot take the lies, the false promises, the utter incoherence and 'Jekyll and Hyde' nature of what's happening.

    She has an appointment with a psych in two weeks time but I'm worried that I can't take this for another two weeks. Any and all advice will be hugely appreciated.

    Thanks!

  2. uncut_gems
    Champion Alumni
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    uncut_gems avatar
    351 posts
    24 September 2020 in reply to DreadBrassier

    Hi DreadBrassier,

    Welcome to the forums, and apologies for the delay in getting back to your post! I'm glad you thought to come here but I'm so, so sorry to hear about this tragic situation you find yourself in. You sound like such an attentive and caring partner, all while trying to balance your own mental health needs among everything else that's happening.

    Any updates in the days since? You must be looking so forward to the pysch appointment both for your and her sakes, as well as that of your relationship. I think it's really admirable that you are so determined to see this person you love through this time that's also taking its toll on you. We're always here for you.

    Warmly,

    Gems

  3. Soberlicious96
    Champion Alumni
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    Soberlicious96 avatar
    519 posts
    24 September 2020 in reply to DreadBrassier

    Dear DreadBrassier,

    Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

    I am so sorry to hear of what you have been going through. It's so terribly hard to watch someone slipping into a pit of despair and degradation, with no apparent end or relief in sight.

    Have you heard of Al-anon? It's a fellowship for friends and families of those who are affected by someone else's drinking.

    I would like to suggest that perhaps you could check out this link: https://www.al-anon.org.au/ for more information about Al-anon.

    Also, perhaps you could also suggest to your partner that if she would like to consider getting help for her drinking, without having to wait for a physch appointment, then she can attend any AA meeting at any time, without the need to book in. For more information on AA, she can call 1300222222 or got to www.aa.org.au

    I myself have now been sober for almost 24 years, with the help of AA, and I can tell you that it is the best decision I ever made. I could never have done it alone though. AA has been such a wonderful support, and the people there really understand, and there's no judgement. Much the same as you would hopefully find at Al-anon.

    Anyway, I hope that helps at least a little? Feel free to reply to this thread as much as you like in the meantime.

    Take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo

     

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