Hi abrahams, it's a little difficult for Dr Kim to answer this post without a bit more information.  We would suggest having a read through this thread (which has a response from Dr Kim) to get more information about how to get the best out of the relationship with your GP:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/treatments-health-professionals-and-therapies/are-you-looking-for-a-doctor-therapist-or-support-group

I just wanted your opinion on EMDR therapy I have been offered this by my physiologist I have researched it a little I have tried it during the session but found it took me back to the trauma, I was able to ground myself after but I really don't like them way it makes me feel

its like you relive it years after the event . Is there any thing you could suggest

Hi 3T, my understanding is that EMDR has been widely researched and used for PTSD and trauma so its certainly not strange that you had a go at it for this problem.

I also understand that it is important that the therapist be certified in EMDR so just double check that.

I don't think you should do anything that doesn't feel right . Tell your therapist how it felt and work out a plan together on how to proceed . It may mean changing tack, or maybe staying with it but slowing it down…

I also wonder whether having a chat to the Blue Knot helpline might be of value as they have a lot of info on trauma treatments.

http://www.blueknot.org.au/Helpline

Hi, my now 16yr old daughter was diagnosed as suffering from social anxiety roughly four years ago. She has not improved over the years, if anything she has gotten worse. The thing is we have never really understood, is her condition considered a disability? I only inquire as we desperately want to get her help so she could find work and try and become a bit more independent. We just don't know where to start. She did see a counselor two years ago but it was a disaster sending her deeper into her anxiety. Any advice would be great.

Ateca said:Hi, my now 16yr old daughter was diagnosed as suffering from social anxiety roughly four years ago.

Hi Ateca,

It is really tough to watch your child not thrive and if anything get worse. I don’t consider social anxiety per se a disability but I guess there are times where it can be disabling. I would try really hard to stay away from that thinking. It is unlikely to be helpful in trying to get to her to believe that she can be OK in the long run. 

Social Anxiety is like most anxieties; they are not fixed disabilities but really horrible and unhelpful (often outright mean!) thought patterns that create inaccurate information in someones head. They tell the person that things are DEFINITELY one thing but the reality of the situation is often so far from that. However sufferers can be kind of brain washed to their own negative thoughts . 

The thoughts could be things like “Everyone is going to hate me" or “I never say anything right” or “ I never fit in”. Now of course most of us have these thoughts in a fleeting way but people with social anxiety have allowed themselves to scan for these thoughts and hold on to them and really believe them, not just see them as the normal “pre party nerves” that we all have and then flick them to one side and keep going. 

This is the aim of the therapy game - to retrain her thinking to have the power to identify the “silly” thoughts and push past them, stick her tongue out at them and walk by. Its not to not have the thoughts, its to not be bothered by them. 

The biggest piece of advice I can give you is that you must:

1. Never lose hope that there is relief out there for her ( and I say relief, not cure, as anxiety is rarely cured but with the right treatment is often much relieved) 
2. Look after yourself . This means maintaining your work , social engagements , exercise , hobbies etc as it doesn’t help her if you are a mess yourself because you have let these things slide.

Now .. for your daughter. It is a tough gig to find the right help for anyone and especially for teenagers who tend to be very black and white thinkers and can love someone or hate them pretty quickly. So keep trying and normalise that aspect of the journey towards health. Make it seem normal to try a number of options .

So maybe think that this year you might try 
-maybe 3 more psychologists to see if one might be the right fit 
-a group therapy alternative to see if that works better or along side.. 
-other “lifestyle” things - exercise, healthy eating , sleep, mindfulness courses or Apps.

Some more ideas can be found on these websites: 
http://www.reach.org.au/
http://www.psychology.org.au/FindaPsychologist/?utm_source=findapractitioner&utm_medium=button&utm_campaign=beyondblue
https://headspace.org.au/
 

Hi Dr. Kim,

I am 26, introvert, still studying, Living with my girlfriend - 25, Registered Nurse. I come form a background where I saw 4 out of 5 failed marriage including 2 in my own family(brother, and parents). Everything between us is fine, except that now she broke the mutual understanding of "staying unmarried and living in together forever" due to her family pressure. It seems that her family will disown her if she kept living with me without marriage. Now i don't know how to carry on. I can write a book on 'why not to marry' as i find marriage to be the biggest scam society has ever created, especially in our hindu culture. I believe one does not need to marry to love and live an happy life. But it seems that my philosophy will bring huge pain in my girlfriend's life and struggle in mine. Eventhough i love my girlfriend very much and have been an ideal partner. I know I can't convince her parents. I can't change myself either. Help me deal with this Dr. Kim?

Hi, I'm not too sure about reaching out but I guess it's easier if its all anonymous.

Im 17 and really struggling with my mental health. I even dropped out of school to avoid making my problems worse! I went in to headspace and my gp early March and it was pretty unhelpful, my gp just wanted me to get in and out and barely touched on the disorders she diagnosed me with. She didn't ask me any questions about how I've been feeling or anything, just diagnosed me with what I thought was going on. I've been struggling a lot with Anxiety and Depression, sometimes having a panic attack every 2 hours, but i think theres more to it than just that...

I've been getting uncontrollably angry almost to the point where I blackout and I don't know how to stop myself. My mum and I fight like two cats and I start yelling so loud the neighbours can hear word for word. I know all of my reactions are over the top but its like I become a different person and I'm really worried about it because after every fight, I just end up hating myself more and more. I used to deal with a lot of self harm when I started high school, but now I'm falling into that dark pit again and I'm scared the outcomes going to be worse than last. And not to be dramatic, but it just feels like I'm digging my own grave and I can't get out. Just trapped in my own head. I don't know why I'm like this, my mum has worked her hardest for me and all, I haven't had the worst life so far so I feel like I shouldn't be like this. I'm just going more and more crazy and its a cycle I can't escape from.

I'm sorry this is a lot and probably so mild but I'm just not sure how to get the help I need.

Do i have an actual mental health disorder? I tend to have these thoughts that i overthink from like days to months and when i think about these things i literally cannot concentrate on anything else but that issue and basically my whole life stops for it. Example - i recently went out and drank too much and forgot the whole night (i hardly ever drink and this was the first time i actually blacked out). So the next day my nose was slightly sore and i couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility that my nose was broken, especially since this was the only kind of injury that would have a permanent effect on my face. I’ve thought about this for months even though there wasn’t much pain or any marks. But i can’t get the possibility out of my head that i did break it and just can’t see the difference. I know this is ridiculous but these sort of thoughts keep popping up and i can’t live my life.

hgbabu said:

Hi Dr. Kim,

I am 26, introvert, still studying, Living with my girlfriend - 25, Registered Nurse. 

Lets look at the issues that seem to be swirling around and getting all confused.

1. You fear the breakdown of the relationship 
2. You want to be true to yourself and your core beliefs
3. You want to honour your girlfriends wishes 
4. You want to be respectful of your girlfriends family’s beliefs too

OK … what I think is that you are thinking marriage equals destruction of a relationship. ( and i can understand how you got to that conclusion ) 

BUT… I’m going to challenge that notion as my experience tells me that what allows people to stay together is not a marriage ceremony, but things like feeling heard by their partner and accepted for their strengths and their weaknesses. Things like respecting differences. Things like learning how to manage conflict in a way that isn’t damaging or hurtful.  Things like being kind to one another. Things like a cup of tea in the morning or a hug after work.

There is nothing in there about whether or not you have a ceremony or not . Or whether or not 10 people or 100 people attend. I suggest that you think about what it is in the marriage ceremony that scares you. Is it maybe that you feel it puts the two of you on a trajectory where the next step is divorce ? My view is that the ceremony has nothing to do with that . Its the way you treat each other every day,  day in, day out which is going to determine whether you guys make it as a couple or not. 

One thing you didn’t mention is whether your girlfriend wants to get married or not. If she wants to.. then I think you might have to really think about a way that the two of you can manage your fears of divorce and separation as a consequence of marriage ceremony in order to honour her dream/ desire and design a small and congruent ceremony that maybe you can get your head around. 

If she is only getting married to please her family then that is different . Then maybe she needs to look at if she is prepared to push you so far out of your comfort zone in order to be a dutiful daughter for them and is that a role that she might need to start challenging if it is going to get in the way of your relationship.

Maybe just as you fear divorce after marriage , her fear lies somewhere in failure if she is not a “ good daughter”.

You might not convince her parents that marriage is the only way to go and this is her decision as to whether she wants to stand up to them on this issue or not. YOUR job is to search your heart and head and for both of you to honestly state the fears that lurk under your positions as then you can really decide what to do. 

A relationship is full of compromise and stepping down from positions… but more than that it is about LISTENING to each other without judgement & with an open heart. Often you have to give up being right about something in order to be able to really connect with someone.

If you are having trouble sorting it out , go to your GP and ask for a referral or call Relationships Australia for a counsellor 
https://www.relationships.org.au/

blue clock said:

Hi, I'm not too sure about reaching out but I guess it's easier if its all anonymous.

You are definitely on the right track if you are asking for help. That is the first step so congrats on doing that. Its super easy to blame everyone else but its much harder to say “maybe its me” . Its great that you can acknowledge the work your mum has put in. At 16 you are not meant to have all the answers but its good to start asking questions of yourself. 

It is true that it is going to be important to start to learn to regulate your emotions a bit better so that you don’t feel so “uncontrollably angry” all the time.

So where to get this help?

1. I would highly recommend trying to get back to school . You didn’t mention what happened at the Headspace but I’m wondering if you could check back in with them and look at a back to school programme. In my experience being away from school often leads to worse problems than staying in school , so trying to get back in to some sort of education is important to consider but is overwhelming without support.

2. Headspace would have psychologists available that would have expertise in adolescents and be able to help you with your mental health issues . Its a long haul though . Its not going to be better in a few appointments - you are looking at a a good 6-12 months at a minimum to help retrain your brain to be better at sorting stuff out and responding better. 

3. The  Reach foundation has some great programmes that you might like to look at
 http://www.reach.org.au/

4. Book a double appointment at your GP and take a list of your concerns to them. I think asking them to help you with a Mental Health Care Plan is a start . Advice on the lifestyle changes that help with depression and anxiety might be helpful too. 

So I think it is great that you are taking steps to be happier and feel calmer but I don’t think you can do it alone. You definitely need help! So get a good team around you - a GP you like and a psychologist you like … you might need to try a few before you find the right ones so don’t give up .

yeboiiiiii said:Do i have an actual mental health disorder? I tend to have these thoughts that i overthink from like days to months and when i think about these things i literally cannot concentrate on anything else but that issue and basically my whole life stops for it.  

This might sound a bit strange to you but I think you might have a type of OCD ( Obsessional Compulsive Disorder). People often think that OCD is simply the type of illness where one becomes anxious or feels something terrible will happen unless  things are in a certain order or done a certain number of times etc. 

However, there is a whole darker side to OCD, which is much more about the obsessions (the thoughts in the head) than the compulsions ( what one actually does).  Like with other OCD disorders, there is a part of ones brain that knows the thoughts are “silly” or not based in reality… but that doesn’t make it easy to just shut them off or ignore them. You mention that you”know they are ridiculous" but they just keep “popping up" .. and that makes me think that you are stuck in a obsessive thinking pattern. Most people with this Obsessional thinking disorder desperately want the thoughts to stop .

The fact that you have a history of these episodes makes me a bit more suspicious that this is OCD . I wonder if you have had this type of thinking for a long time or if it is new? I also wonder if you have had other types of anxious thinking as well?

The good news is that it is treatable ! It isn’t easy to treat  (as in it won’t be over with by next week!) but with good medical support , I think you can learn to manage these thoughts. Many people do end up on medication for this condition as it can be stubborn , but the first step is your GP.

Print this response out if you like and take it with you.
PS - I suggest you do some reading about it too…Have a look at this article for example.

https://www.sane.org/media-centre/the-sane-blog/1811-busting-the-myths-about-ocd
 

Hello,

I would like to know the facts on what psychologists are able to discuss with parents.

Our baby who is 16 has for the last 4yrs seen a private psychologist as a safety net due to my mental health issues and her 19yr sister. She and we have a very good professional relationship with him.

Last week I sent a letter to school(private small school) not that matters, I was asking the head of senior school for someone to have a chat cause her school life was starting to suffer and she is an a grade student. I was told that 1of her close teachers or the school psychologist would talk to her.

3 day went by and I had no reply to if everything was ok, I messaged for someone to contact me.

I got a ph call from the school psychologist and she wanted to know what I wanted. I asked is everything ok???der

Im sorry I can't discuss anything with. Short and of story, told her she has no swear idea!!!!!!

any thoughts

Later

9 names later said:

Hello,

I would like to know the facts on what psychologists are able to discuss with parents.

Hi there,

This is such a difficult area for parents and health professionals alike. My sense is that everyone is really trying to do the right thing by the young person and has their best interest at heart and so I usually start from that place. 

You have your child's best interest at heart. The school psychologist has the child's best interest at heart.

Now that seems a reasonably easy thing to understand . The problem comes when there are different views about how the best interest of the child / young person is served. Some parents feel that it is in the child's best interest for them to kept abreast of whats happening for them to be told whats going on in therapy sessions. They feel that with that info, they can then aid their child in getting better.

However, many adolescent therapists will only tell parents what is said in sessions (without explicit permission of the client) if there is the possibility that the child is at risk of harming themselves or others.

Why? This code of conduct was developed so that young people could feel safe to say whatever they pleased in a session to their therapist without the fear that it was going to be reported back to their parents. The therapist can often be a good neutral ear.

Rest assured though that it is also a therapist duty of care to report to a child's parents if they believe there is anything going on that is harming your child, so you will not be kept in the dark about that.

It seems like your daughter’s school is trying really hard to foster your daughters sense of self reliance and I note that when you flagged to the school that there were issues at home, they took it up with her, not with you. This separation from your baby, your loved child, can seem a bit harsh but maybe is also allowing your daughter to learn great life skills in how to attend to her own emotional and mental health needs.

I hope that this helps to clarify and to allow you to see that the reaction you got was not personal but standard practise for a therapist who is applying a code of conduct from her professional association. I think it is hard for you but probably ultimately may be ok for your daughter so I hope that is reassuring .
 

Hi everyone, thanks for all your questions.

Dr Kim is going to be away for a few weeks, so we're closing this thread for the time being. She will be back with us on June 19. 

Hi everyone, this thread is now open again for questions. Please refer to the original post for guidelines.

Hi Dr Kim

I've been diagnosed with GAD and are working through worry modules with my psychologist. My psychologist says I've always had this but its become more prominent since two devastating incidents involving grief.

I feel it's conplicated grief i dont see I'll ever get past it just by learning not to worry especially since its been 3 years and I feel I've developed more symptoms. I feel like I should just give up and realise that this is just me from now on, in saying that i have ongoing challengers which should hopefully be over in 12 or so months.

Hi I would like to chat online now with someone to help me overcome a panic attack

bluewater said:

Hi Dr Kim

I've been diagnosed with GAD and are working through worry modules with my psychologist. My psychologist says I've always had this but its become more prominent since two devastating incidents involving grief.

I feel it's conplicated grief i dont see I'll ever get past it just by learning not to worry especially since its been 3 years and I feel I've developed more symptoms. I feel like I should just give up and realise that this is just me from now on, in saying that i have ongoing challengers which should hopefully be over in 12 or so months.

I wonder if some of your frustration comes from your trying to define what is happening to you. You have called it GAD, complicated grief , “just you” or maybe reactive processes due to ongoing challenges.

Sometimes it is easier to concentrate on the symptoms and really try to tackle those. For example, if you have difficulty in decision making this could come from all sorts of reasons ( e.g. anxiety , depression , personality style…) .

Sometimes it is just easier to concentrate on how to manage the symptom. So work with your psychologist on your top 3 difficult symptoms and see if you can develop strategies to help to manage them in the short term.

So for decision making , it might be something like - making a list of pros and cons or putting a time limit on it or marking possible outcomes out of 10 or whatever helps you move forward…. But not worrying too much about whether the poor decision making is due to GAD, grief or whatever.

Just put one foot in front of another day by day and my hope is that eventually it will seem easier. Don’t look too far into the future . Just take it day by day.

Hi Makka79, this is not a live chat thread.  You can speak live on webchat with one of our professional counsellors between 3pm and midnight AEST via the following link:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

Hi there,

I feel I am a generally happy go-lucky kind of guy, however, over the last 12 months I have had multiple 'episodes', the first treated as a dissociative break, the second non-treated, third treated as epilespsy (with no medically obvious and/or detecatable signs), and the latest (and, somewhat different as I was twitching and passsing out momentarily with no apparent discomfort). Don't feel I'm under any more stress then the average Joe.

Any potentially underlying psychological explanations for this or should I seek a neurogolist?

Hi. I have been in a relationship with a wondeful man for past 9 months. He has beautiful kids whom he loves very much. He has a problem with gaining the fair amount of access as his ex makes it very difficult out of spite. When she takes it away he sinks into a low and shuts everyone off. Im not sure what to do. I like to be a very supportive partner. I always have. We don't live together but Im finding it hard being shut out. I want to help to the best I can, be there, support. But hes very up & down. These problems will be there unfortunately for at least another 10 years. Courts haven't helped him get better access.

I just don't know what to do.

I dont think anyone can help me my girlfriend left me in march cause she found out i used drugs for 15 years we were only together 9 months but new each other from high school the day she left i quit ice and havent touched it since i went a bit weird cause she totally stopped talking to me and me wanting answers i kept ringing and texting her now i she has put a dvo on me and me still wanting closure kepting texting her and she has breached me for 3 breachs and a week later has breached me again im very hurt cause my messages are nice just asking for her to just give me some answers about a few things so i can have closure so i can move on and thats all the texts were i live in queensland and they are putting people in jail for breaching dvo i cant move on or even try to cause i need closure i did everything for this girl and her two kids now they all hate me i just dont know how much more i can take ive already tried attempting suicide i just dont know if i can keep going im devestated and if she dont give a crap about me maybe she might realise what she has done by all this that she might not do it to anyone again i begged her just to to give me answers so i could move on but she kept ignoring me i dont think anyone can help but i needed to say this to someone

Chopper86 said:

Hi there,

I feel I am a generally happy go-lucky kind of guy, however, over the last 12 months I have had multiple 'episodes',

Hi Chopper86,

I think you really need to sort out what is going on and there are so many potential causes for this sort of thing that you really need a good GP to help you check everything out. 

I mean, I don’t have much to go on so it is hard for me to give you any diagnosis, but these sorts of things can be organic ( physical) due to problems in heart rhythms or blood pressure, or due to neurological things like petit mal seizure , or it could be a medication reaction or a allergic reaction to something or a neuromuscular issue or any number of physical things that need to be ruled out. 

Or it is also possible that you have a psychological reaction. That there is a part of you that doesn’t want to be present for is kind of “checking out" and removing you from the situation. When this happens to people , the mind is trying to kind to itself by not allowing the person to be exposed to a a situation that it thinks might be super stressful for it. Often it gets it wrong though and puts in the “dissociation” response at the wrong times. 

The twitching and passing out momentarily can happen as a consequence of hyperventilation which occurs when people over breath and get TOO much oxygen in their system. Hyperventilation can occur when people are stressed and their fright and flight response kicks in and drives their respiratory and heart rate up. Its not uncommon that people don’t really notice the internal changes in their systems until it has floored them ( literally!).

So , first step is to rule out organic causes . 

Second thing to do is to get better aquatinted with your breathing and body . I highly recommend a mediation or exercise class or app - whatever suits you. I like the Headspace App for meditation.

Third thing might be to get a referral to a psychologist to look at possible causes for the hyperventilation . 

KBC said:

Hi. I have been in a relationship with a wondeful man for past 9 months. He has beautiful kids whom he loves very much. He has a problem with gaining the fair amount of access as his ex makes it very difficult out of spite. When she takes it away he sinks into a low and shuts everyone off. Im not sure what to do. I like to be a very supportive partner. I always have. We don't live together but Im finding it hard being shut out. I want to help to the best I can, be there, support. But hes very up & down. These problems will be there unfortunately for at least another 10 years. Courts haven't helped him get better access.

I just don't know what to do.

There seems to be 2 issues that you need to manage side by side: 
1. You want to be a great supportive partner to him 
2. You need to ensure that your needs are met 
 
In order to be a good partner to him, you might need to ask him what that means for him at the moment and that role may change lots of times . For example, sometimes being a great partner means stepping forward and being very involved and helping to organise things or advocate on your partner's behalf. Other times it means stepping back and allowing them to navigate their problems in their own way. It is hard to be “ shut out” but easier if you know that it is really helpful and something that he appreciates and needs from you. 
 
However ( isn’t there always one of those!) .. it is important that you think about your boundaries and needs to. So, you may say to him something like .. I am prepared to give you space when you need to deal with the pain of not being with your kids alone, however I do expect the courtesy of a phone call or text to let me know ….Or I can give you space and be shut out , as long as that is followed up by some time together and some letting me feel close to you again. 
 
Your needs are important too and no one likes to be “shut out” . If you regularly put your needs in the bottom on the pile as his seem SO much more important , it may eventually make you feel angry and resentful .. so be honest with yourself and him and ask him to be the same. 
 

rustypat17 said:I dont think anyone can help me my girlfriend left me in march cause she found out i used drugs for 15 years we were only together 9 months but new each other from high school the day she left i quit ice and havent touched it since i went a bit weird cause she totally stopped talking to me and me wanting answers i kept ringing and texting her now i she has put a dvo on me and me still wanting closure kepting texting her and she has breached me for 3 breachs and a week later has breached me again im very hurt cause my messages are nice just asking for her to just give me some answers about a few things so i can have closure so i can move on and thats all the texts were i live in queensland and they are putting people in jail for breaching dvo i cant move on or even try to cause i need closure i did everything for this girl and her two kids now they all hate me i just dont know how much more i can take ive already tried attempting suicide i just dont know if i can keep going im devestated and if she dont give a crap about me maybe she might realise what she has done by all this that she might not do it to anyone again i begged her just to to give me answers so i could move on but she kept ignoring me i dont think anyone can help but i needed to say this to someone

Ok .. this is going to sound a bit rough maybe but also I hope it helps you to see whats happening so it might seem clearer to you. 
 
Firstly i want to say how much I respect your decision to stop using ice as that must have been really hard, especially during these stressful months. I also want to applaud you for writing in to us and being so open and honest on the post.
 
However, there is something I need to point out. You say you wanted “closure”. I am getting the picture from the way your ex is behaving that the communication door was firmly closed off from her side and you were refusing to respect her wishes to end the relationship.

What you see as “wanting closure” she is seeing as harassment.

You might feel you are owed answers and explanations to further your understanding and move on but unfortunately, once someone has broken up with you, they don’t owe you that . Your opportunity for deep understanding about the way she thinks or feels happens DURING the relationship not AFTER. So your attempt to sort things out in your head by contacting her afterwards was totally understandable but unfortunately going to get  you into trouble if it isn’t welcomed.
 
Many of the lessons that we need for “ closure” after a relationship are actually to be found with in ourselves .. not our partners anyway..
 
You sound like a really caring loving guy who tried really hard with her and her kids. What I hope you can do is see that you have strengths ( well you gave up ice for one , and you wrote this post for another!) and I hope that you can take what you learned from this experience and move into your next relationship with some better knowledge and awareness about how to do things so it doesn’t end up hurting you like that again. 
 
We all make mistakes. We all get hurt when we get into relationships. The trick is to learn and take the lessons and move on. I hope you can maybe see that you are not doing something bad from wanting to communicate but that your timing needs to get better. Maybe just communicate a little earlier next time and I really hope that you will find a happier healthier relationship. 
 
As for the suicidal thoughts . Please know that they are often like waves and it is important to know how not to catch them but to let them pass under you. Please use a help line for someone to talk to if you have to while the thought feel strong:

Lifeline 131114
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 5467
Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636

hi this is Skye. my friend is having suicidal thoughts and i'm trying to support and help her. i keep telling her that i am here for her but she doesn't like me helping she wants everyone to leave her alone. i have tried going to the counsellor but she just gets mad at me just because i'm supporting her. she has also tried self-harming. i have also tried telling her to come on here so she can get help but she is refusing to and to go to a counsellor... what do i do to help her?? it is also leading me to depression and anxiety. i am also loosing lots of sleep i am that concerned about her. can you please help me?

kind regards, Skye

Hi skye louise, thanks for posting.  Dr Kim has a number of posts to answer at the moment, so won't be able to reply to this until Monday.  In the meantime, we have a section on our website which addresses situations like this when you are helping someone else:

https://www.youthbeyondblue.com/help-someone-you-know

This also includes information on how to look after yourself in situations like these.

skye louise said:

hi this is Skye. my friend is having suicidal thoughts and i'm trying to support and help her. i keep telling her that i am here for her but she doesn't like me helping she wants everyone to leave her alone. i have tried going to the counsellor but she just gets mad at me just because i'm supporting her. she has also tried self-harming. i have also tried telling her to come on here so she can get help but she is refusing to and to go to a counsellor... what do i do to help her?? it is also leading me to depression and anxiety. i am also loosing lots of sleep i am that concerned about her. can you please help me?

kind regards, Skye

Hi Skye,

You sound like a great friend and I really commend you writing to us here for help as this is exactly what you need to do .

You are only 14 . This means that you are not in the position to take on the responsibility of caring for anyone else's needs . Gosh! At 14 one is barely able to sort out ones own needs!

So I wouldn't be upset with myself if I was you for not having all the answers for your friend . You're not meant to .

You are however meant to pass this to someone in a position of responsibility that can manage it.

So tell a trusted family member, a trusted teacher , a school counselor or her family member and then sleep soundly at night knowing you have done all that is expected of someone your age. I am disappointed that your a counsellor got “ mad at you” for supporting her but maybe they were trying to get you to not take the responsibility for her and you took that to mean that they asked you not to help her. It might even be worthwhile checking this with them .

I hope this is a helpful start for you.

Hi Dr KIm

Im new to Beyond blue is this the correct way to talk to you about mental health issues?

Hi Mr Hopcraft, if you have a look back at the first post in this thread you'll see what this thread is for.  Dr Kim is a GP and counsellor who can answer one-off questions about mental health issues.  This is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice.