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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Finding it hard to support depressed, anxious, ADHD young adult living at home

Topic: Finding it hard to support depressed, anxious, ADHD young adult living at home

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Burnt
    Burnt avatar
    2 posts
    2 July 2019

    My young adult child has depression, anxiety, ADHD and also eczema. From my observation, her staying up really late, sleeping through the day hasn't been helpful for her. I've tried to talk to her about getting treatment of her eczema with no success. She doesn't want to talk to me about her feelings because she says I don't understand. She sees a psychologist but neither I or my husband see any improvement in the last year. I despair because there doesn't seem to be a plan. When I try to talk to her about the importance of sleeping well, exercising or talking to her Dr to get treatment for her eczema, she gets aggressive and dismissive of me. When she was younger I had a treatment regime which included the use of steroids that worked. However when I suggest that she tries them again she blames me and the Drs for using steroids on her. My husband doesn't talk to her about those things because he says it's like talking to a brick wall.

    As she lives with us, is it too much to ask that she does her share of household chores and gets to bed at a reasonable time, so she can see the sun and re set her body clock? And do some gentle exercise for herself? Help herself? Otherwise she stays awake through the night picking away at her skin, playing on her phone, watching movies. I understand some of that is her coping mechanism but I'm getting to the end of my tolerance level. Can I tell her to take my suggestion to her psychologist so that they can discuss together? I sent my daughter a text asking her to ask her psychologist about trying mindfulness but was told the psychologist said later. Cynical me thinks - why wouldn't the psychologist recommend mindfulness/ because she might lose the patient.

    Any advice would be helpful. Thanks

    2 people found this helpful
  2. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
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    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    3 July 2019 in reply to Burnt

    Hi Burnt,

    I really feel for you. I haven’t been through the same as you but I imagine you must be feeling so exhausted, drained and perhaps even frustrated and discouraged. You clearly care very much, and I think she’s fortunate to have a parent like you supporting her.

    Sometimes, at least in my opinion, I feel it can be tricky to differentiate which aspects of a person’s behaviour is due to their mental health and which aspects are due to other reasons. I think maybe that is partly the case with your daughter, but I may be way off track.

    Please feel free to let me know if I’m wrong now, but I get the impression that your daughter is a little resistant to receiving help or making changes. I don’t really know what her rapport is like with her psychologist. But even if she has a great psychologist (which she may or may not have), if she’s unmotivated/resistant to implementing anything that they’ve discussed then I feel it’s really difficult to make progress.

    I think there’s a famous saying that is along the lines of how people can only be helped if they truly want it. I wonder if that could be part of her struggle?

    I don’t know if this suggestion is helpful but I’ll share it anyway & you can see what you think. I wonder if there’s any chance you could try to find a family & relationship psychologist; one who could sit down with you, your daughter & anyone else involved to try to figure out perhaps an action plan/compromise on e.g. household chores, etc.

    The reason that I suggest this is because, s/he could act as a mediator of sorts because from what you’re saying, it sounds like your daughter isn’t always the easiest to talk to. So it might be good to have an impartial third party (who specialises in family dynamics) to talk to all of you.

    As for your idea to take your suggestions to her psychologist, you certainly could try if you want to. But do you think your daughter will follow through or mention it?

    It’s just that I know people who will say yes to something a parent suggests but then turn around and disregard/won’t follow through. I’m not saying that your daughter is necessarily the same, but perhaps it’s just something to consider...

    I feel that I’ve said a lot. I understand your daughter is going through a lot, and it must be hard for you as a parent too to see little improvement. I’ll be thinking of you and if and when you feel up to it (no pressure), it would be lovely to hear how things are going.

    Kind and caring thoughts,

    Pepper

    2 people found this helpful
  3. Burnt
    Burnt avatar
    2 posts
    3 July 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Thank you for your post.

    Yes I think she is resistant of change, the previous psychologist mentioned it. She wants to move out but she doesn't have a job so that won't be possible. I might try a family and relationship psychologist to mediate. She's taking a short holiday at the coast so we'll all have a break.

    I will keep you posted . Thanks again. Much appreciated.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    5 July 2019 in reply to Burnt

    Hi Burnt,

    How lovely to hear from you again. Thanks so much for writing in and I’m glad my thoughts helped a little :)

    I’m glad she gets a holiday and you all get a bit of a break too. Sometimes I feel a bit of space can be a good thing...

    Sure, it would be great if you keep us updated and you’re welcome to write in to vent, chat, ask questions, etc too. There’s obviously no obligation or rush but just know we are here for you if there’s anything you wish to share.

    Kind and caring thoughts,

    Pepper

    1 person found this helpful

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