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Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Topic: Hello

  1. Chipmunk
    Chipmunk avatar
    22 posts
    1 January 2021

    Hi all.

    newbie here. I decided to join because I just simply need help. I’ve never been good at asking for help or admitting when I need it but it’s to the point that I’m now struggling. I have severe anxiety, severe depression, ptsd and post natal depression. Lately everything has just creeped up on me and I’m feeling so confused and overwhelmed over it all.

    Does anyone have any advice to jus start to cope or how to handle all these? I have a daughter and I feel guilty that I have depression like I feel I should be happy all the time. I just need help :(

    1 person found this helpful
  2. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15102 posts
    2 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    Hello Chipmunk, and a warm welcome to the forums.

    It's not easy when you feel like this to ask for help, as you may try and convince yourself that your problems are yours and from what other people have previously said they have been able to overcome it themselves, but each one of us is different as are the circumstances, so what you're struggling with could be in another form.

    It's unsure whether of these conditions started the others, but know from myself that PND can begin the aggression of the others, or perhaps vice-versa, not that I'm qualified to say.

    We are horrified when any of one of these conditions begins to control us and do feel empathy for the kid/s we're trying to raise, but somehow they learn to adjust, the most important part is that you have not brought on any undeserved burden onto someone else’s life, we want to help you.

    If you are aged 25 or under then Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 maybe able to help you by phone or online chat.

    If you are able to contact your doctor and ask them about the mental health plan, this will entitle you to 10 Medicare paid sessions to visit a psych, and because you feel hesitate then write down what's troubling you now, in the past and in the future, then all you have to do is just pass this onto the psych, this will help when you're asked 'how can I help you'.

    Please come back because there's much more to talk about from our own experience.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    [LINK href='"https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/welcome-and-orientation/hello--E46B5C73C392?actionMode=replyPost&postId=f02926ab-f371-61bc-846e-ff0000e9d3fc#" unselectable="on" tabindex="-1"><span class="Italic" unselectable="on"> </span'][/LINK]

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Tay100
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    647 posts
    2 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    Hi Chipmunk

    It sounds like you are trying your best to be there for your daughter as well as for yourself, but this can be hard when we are battling other things- the good news is reaching out here is a great place to ask for help. We are a non-judgemental and compassionate community who can provide general support or point you in the direction of further help if you like too. Would you like to share more of your story, if you feel ok with that? No pressure at all.

    Tay100

    1 person found this helpful
  4. sunnyl20
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    sunnyl20 avatar
    203 posts
    2 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    Hey Chipmunk,

    I am really sorry to hear you are struggling and that things are feeling so overwhelming. It sounds like there is a lot going on for you right now. Seeking help can feel really daunting and uncomfortable, I am glad you have felt able to reach out. Please know there is no shame in seeking help, I'm sorry it is something you have struggled with but it is more than okay to ask for help. We are here to listen.

    Do you have a close family member or friend or a GP/health professional that you feel able to talk to about what has been happening? It could be really helpful to talk to someone so that they can give you the support you need and check in with you as/when you need it. If you are open to it, writing can also be a really helpful process when things feel really overwhelming - writing can help organise your thoughts a bit more, it may help you see what is going on from a different perspective and it can help externalise a little of the stress and emotion that you are going through. Is there anything or anyone that has helped you in the past when things have reached a tipping point?

    Also, please know you do not need to feel guilt for struggling with your mental health. I have also struggled with feelings of guilt (particularly feeling like a burden to family) when I have been unwell, but please know that you do not need to feel guilty. You need to be kind to yourself, you need to give yourself the space and time to focus on getting through this dark period, whatever that looks like for you.

    Please do not hesitate to talk more if and when you feel up to it. Take care.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Chipmunk
    Chipmunk avatar
    22 posts
    2 January 2021 in reply to sunnyl20

    Hey all for replying back, I’ve never been good at talking about my issues.

    I feel better knowing I’m not alone. Bit of a back story. I’m going to trigger warming it and I’m sorry if I upset anyone. I was abused by my dad for pretty much my whole childhood, I only opened up last year about it all and all of it is still really messing my head up. My family isn’t coping with it all and it really taking a toll on me.

    I’ve spoke to friends and my gp I see someone but with COVID it’s a bit harder. But sometimes I feel like that my friends just don’t care, like I could be so depressed but it’s hard to tell them.

    this is the first time I’ve really hit tipping point, like I just wannA curl up in a ball and not move, Besides my daughter I feel so alone.

  6. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    2 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    Hello Chipmunk, welcome to the forums.

    Good on you for coming here and reaching out. I have anxiety, depression & PTSD aswell, but not Postnatal Depression as I'm only 21 & don't have kids, never had a relationship. But I still understand with the anxiety, depression & PTSD.

    I'm here if you would like someone to talk to, or just someone to listen.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. sunnyl20
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    sunnyl20 avatar
    203 posts
    2 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    I am really sorry that happened to you, that is awful. I cannot imagine how painful it would have been to keep that to yourself and not feel able to open up about it for such a long time. It sounds like you are feeling very isolated with not a lot of support, which is really tough. Would you feel comfortable talking to your GP about potentially getting a Mental Health Care Plan to link you in with someone who may be able to help you cope with what you have been through/are going through? If this feels too difficult or too much, the Blue Knot Foundation (https://www.blueknot.org.au/) has some great resources and a telephone support line for people who have experienced childhood trauma. Lifeline (13 11 14) is also another option for more immediate support.

    There is also the trauma-specific thread of the beyond blue online forums (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/ptsd-trauma) (you may already be aware in which case my apologies). You may find some helpful words and support there too.

    I really hope you are able to find the support that you need. Take care.

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Chipmunk
    Chipmunk avatar
    22 posts
    2 January 2021 in reply to Missing user

    Thank you, I think I just wanna talk to someone without being judged. A lot of my friends just call me weird for being the way I am, it’s like they wouldn’t understand.

    I’ve seen the dr and I have a mental health plan, but cause of Chrissy amd New Years my dr is closed so I can’t get another one yet. I just want to talk to someone who understands and can help me through it. Because I am feeling more and more guilty of feeling depressed especially with my daughter.

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    2 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    I won't judge you, nobody here will. It's a safe place here.

    I don't understand with the parent stuff, I do apologise for that, but I understand with the anxiety, PTSD, etc.

    1 person found this helpful
  10. sunnyl20
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    sunnyl20 avatar
    203 posts
    3 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    Hey Chipmunk,

    I am really sorry your friends are not understanding and that you don't feel able to talk to them. While you are waiting for your GP, it could be really helpful to reach out to the counsellors at Blue Knot on 1300 657 380 (9am-5pm Mon-Sunday), they are very understanding and can offer you support over the phone or via their webchat. You are obviously more than welcome to talk about what you are struggling with on here, but I just thought I would suggest Blue Knot as well if you wanted to talk to someone in real time.

    Take care.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Chipmunk
    Chipmunk avatar
    22 posts
    3 January 2021

    Thankyou. I will definitely get on to them.
    I just want my friends to maybe try to realise that I’m not okay that I just put on a brave face (I’ve dropped lots of hints) as stated never been good at showing emotions.

    I constantly feel like a burden, like because I’m not social like all my friends and they just assume. It’s hard. I also feel constantly dirty like no matter how many times I shower or that I feel gross.

    I have a very supportive partner, he’s been amazing through all of this. I’m surprised he’s stuck by me to be honest. I guess sometimes I’m scared to be alone with my thoughts, I don’t sleep much anymore I just can’t shake this feeling

    2 people found this helpful
  12. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    3 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    Hey Chipmunk.

    You're not a burden, although I can 100% relate to how you feel there. I'm here for you. I'm glad you have a supportive partner though. I hope coming on here helps you.

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Chipmunk
    Chipmunk avatar
    22 posts
    3 January 2021 in reply to Missing user

    Hey Mb20lover.

    how do I stop thinking I am? How can I get through one day of the week without completely wanting to breakdown? I’m tired and exhausted I feel like I only hang on for my daughter sometimes. I just want to feel happy again.

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Tay100
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    647 posts
    3 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    Hi Chipmunk

    Thankyou for sharing your story some more- that takes bravery, so we really appreciate it. It helps us help you- and it seems there has been some great dialogue and ideas exchanged already. Do seeking any of these services seem appealing to you? Are there any barriers that we can help you overcome in accessing these services? Let us know and we can brainstorm, a bit if you like.

    Tay100

  15. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    3 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    I know how you feel Chipmunk, I really do, apart from the Daughter because I'm only 21 & don't have kids, never had a relationship anyway.

    I guess maybe just try and tell yourself you're worthy of love, kindness, care, and all good in the world, and that it's ok to struggle?

    It's funny, I can try and tell people that but I can never take that advice myself.

  16. Chipmunk
    Chipmunk avatar
    22 posts
    3 January 2021

    Thankyou Tay100.
    some of them definitely do look appealing, I guess I’m just scared to start talking about it more because I’m afraid I’ll just have a melt down. I know I need to open up and talk to someone but this it took everything I had to write here. I would love to brainstorm ideas to overcome it. I’m tired of keeping it bottled up and letting it destroy me.

    Mb20lover, I know what you mean, like I have people come to me for advice and I tell them the same thing but I need to practice what I preach. I think it’s easier saying instead of doing. I wouldn’t change my daughter for the world, she’s my life one of not the only reason I continue on day after day.

    1 person found this helpful
  17. sunnyl20
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    sunnyl20 avatar
    203 posts
    3 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    I know you cannot see it, but you are not a burden. You have been through and are going through a lot. I know this is easier said than done, but maybe it is helpful to imagine how you would view someone who was in your position, how you would speak to them and whether you would view them as a burden. You deserve kindness, support and patience. It sounds like your partner and your daughter are big strengths for you, I am really glad that you have them to be with.

    It sounds like it took a lot of courage and strength to write on here, I'm sorry you struggle so much to seek help, it must feel so awful. But bottling it up will destroy you (as you mentioned above). Maybe trying one of the online chats (Lifeline and Blue Knot both have web chats) might be an option first before trying a phoneline. But please also know that these phone lines are confidential, it is okay if you cry or break down, they are trained to help you and they will be there for you. Does continuing as you are right now feel more or less frightening than reaching out for help? Could writing down what you might want to say help in talking online or over the phone with a support service? Could you practice talking aloud what you might say before calling? Sorry for all the questions, you obviously don't have to answer them, it is more just trying to help brainstorm.

    Take care Chipmunk. We're here for you.

  18. Chipmunk
    Chipmunk avatar
    22 posts
    3 January 2021 in reply to sunnyl20

    Hey Sunnyl20.

    right now I feel better writing in here, I know that someone is listening to me and I’m not being judged, I feel relieved someone understands these emotions these feelings I’m going through. I am going to get confidence or strength to talk to someone else.

    im exhausted of feeling the way I do, I wanna somehow go back to the happy person I once was. Then again that may never happen because that would be before I turned 7

  19. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    3 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    I understand Chipmunk, I love your username also. I always feel like a burden, even to professionals. I've even been told by a so called "professional" that I am one, sigh. Of course I complained.

    Yes these forums can be very beneficial & therapeutic

  20. Chipmunk
    Chipmunk avatar
    22 posts
    3 January 2021 in reply to Missing user

    That’s part of the reason I don’t like seeing them because I don’t know if they are judging me, and Thankyou, I’ve been told I remind people of a chipmunk.

    I feel like I can express what I’m feeling and I know you all have my back with it all.

    Thankyou all for making me feel so welcoming it’s a relief to be able to try and discuss my emotions somewhere I know I’m accepted

    1 person found this helpful
  21. Jasjit
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Jasjit avatar
    129 posts
    4 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    Dear Chipmunk,

    Welcome to Beyond Blue online forums. First of all, wishing you a groundbreaking happy new year for 2021!! And also, hopefully, you are keeping safe and healthy from COVID-19.

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I really appreciate it. Firstly, I would like to commend you on being brave enough to share your story online because not everyone has the courage to do so. Well done on that!

    To be honest, I am not a professional (though I am studying psychology - in my 4th year and going for further study to become a clinical psychologist), I will try my best to advise you on happiness especially.

    I completely understand that you want to be happy all the time so it does not impact your daughter. Being happy all the time does not seem realistic. I mean I have also tried this! I tried this even consciously. But it does not help at all. So what I have learned about happiness is:

    Happiness is about seeing the difference between your thoughts and emotions. Then saying it is just a thought created by my mind. Let it pass. Just like how cars pass and go. What the problem is we start clinging to a thought which leads to emotions.

    I hope I was a help to you. Even a little bit.

    Also, I have just seen your recent posts - Well done!!! You are slowly opening up about your feelings! Good on you, and especially writing it down - helps a lot!

    Thanks.

  22. sunnyl20
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    sunnyl20 avatar
    203 posts
    5 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    Hey Chipmunk,

    Just checking in to see how you are going? I'm really glad that you feel welcome and supported on the forums - we are here for you. I hope your week has been okay so far.

    Take care.

  23. Tay100
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    647 posts
    7 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    Hi Chipmunk

    No worries, we can do some brainstorming if you like. What are some barriers that block you from accessing further help? You mentioned fearing a meltdown if you talk more, which is very understandable. What are some other things? Once we list a few key barriers we can come up with some general ways to approach them.

    Tay100

  24. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    7 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    Hey Chipmunk, sorry I just saw your reply to me. I haven't had much energy to reply to anybody.

    Yes definitely, we're all here for each other

  25. Chipmunk
    Chipmunk avatar
    22 posts
    10 January 2021

    Hey all.
    Sorry for the not replying sooner, I’ve just been having a few crap days and just struggling with my head again, so I thought a couple of days would be good to try and get better.

    how is everyone doing?

    2 people found this helpful
  26. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    10 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk
    Hey Chipmunk, no need to apologise. We all need some time to ourselves whether it's on or off the forums, or whatever. I hope you're alright. We're still here for you
  27. Chipmunk
    Chipmunk avatar
    22 posts
    11 January 2021 in reply to Missing user

    Thankyou.
    Im trying to be okay, it makes it hard when I feel the world is against me so much.

    I would like a day where I’m not made to feel like shit, is that so hard to ask for just one day. I’m trying to get my life back but it’s one hurdle after another I don’t know how many more hurdles I can jump.

    1 person found this helpful
  28. Tay100
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    647 posts
    11 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    Hi Chipmunk

    I'm sorry to hear that you have had a few 'hurdles' to jump over these past few days. It can make reaching out harder so we appreciate the effort you put in. You can, of course, take all the time you need and go at your own pace with replying and seeking help. Let us know if you still up for brainstorming solutions to the barriers to accessing services that might help you- it's up to you.

    Tay100

  29. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    11 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    I'm sorry to hear that Chipmunk. I'm sorry I didn't reply straight away either, I just saw your reply and I've been dealing with my own things. But I still care.

    You're not made to feel like shit here, and you won't be. I'm sorry people are making you feel that way. You're not shit.

  30. sunnyl20
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    sunnyl20 avatar
    203 posts
    12 January 2021 in reply to Chipmunk

    Hey Chipmunk,

    I am really sorry to hear things are still feeling so difficult, and that you are made to feel like shit. We are here for you, I know it is not the same as having someone physically there, but we see you and we hear you. If you feel up to it, we would be happy to try to help you plan to get past those hurdles as Tay100 mentioned - but this is completely up to you and how you are feeling and what you do and don't want to share. I hope this week is better for you.

    Take care Chipmunk.

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