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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Hi! This is my first ever post

Topic: Hi! This is my first ever post

11 posts, 0 answered
  1. Saturn_94
    Saturn_94 avatar
    5 posts
    9 October 2021

    As mentioned in the title, this is my first ever post, and I’m a bit lost on this forum, to be honest. I haven’t used many forums before, and aren’t entirely sure how they work, but I’m just looking for some assurance as to if I’m in the right place?

    This is sort of my first ever reach out for support, I’ve never been diagnosed with anything, and I’m not sure how good my advice is. I just decided that I wanted some assurance, or orientation even on my feelings, how common are the issues I’m dealing with? Do I need more professional help or do I just need to talk to someone for a bit?

    I’ve never really talked to anyone and it thought this could be a starting point, so my question is: is this the right place to begin to look for support and advice?

    (Also, sorry if my post is in the wrong spot or anything I’m horribly new to this. And thanks for reading, I guess.)

  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    smallwolf avatar
    6183 posts
    9 October 2021 in reply to Saturn_94

    Hi there and welcome to the beyond blue forums. Your post is perfectly fine as is. This is a safe place to chat about what's going on in your life and thoughts and feelings, safe in the knowledge you will be responded to in a non judgmental way.

    As far as moving forward you can chat here, with family and friends, your GP or perhaps even a counsellor. It really depends on what is causing you grief at the moment. Please know that while you may be struggling at the moment, and I don't know, there are plenty of people here that have a understanding of what that can be like. Listening to you

    1 person found this helpful
  3. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    16219 posts
    9 October 2021 in reply to Saturn_94

    Hello Saturn, and a warm welcome to the site.

    Yes this is a great place to start as all of us have had to struggle through our own type of depression which incorporates a huge amount of various issues, ranging from what you think may be minor, but may, in turn, involve so many other problems or what can be a serious concern, people will be able to help you from their own experience as well as others wanting to offer their support in every possible way.

    So pleased for you to join the forums and take your time.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Mark Z.
    Multicultural Correspondent
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    Mark Z. avatar
    171 posts
    10 October 2021 in reply to Saturn_94

    Hi Saturn_94,

    Welcome!

    You've made a great decision to reach out for help here. This is absolutely a right start.

    Please share your story and let's see how we can help. If your challenge is not so serious I believe advices you'll receive on this forum will be very valuable. But if you're experiencing very challenging situation, for example, can't leave a normal life, even having intention to hurt yourself or others, then you need to seek immediate professional help, such as calling 24/7 Beyondblue hotline. But still you're very welcome to stay here to have additional support.

    Warmly,

    Mark

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Saturn_94
    Saturn_94 avatar
    5 posts
    10 October 2021

    Thank you to the two that replied to me, I think I’m reassured that I am in fact in the right place, and feeling a bit more confident to share more about my issues.

    I felt like they were too small to share, in contrast to some of the things people share here, but I guess there is no harm in sharing.

    From here, am I meant to add a thread to the relevant section (are there certain like areas to post about certain topics, or do I just start a new thread from fresh?) I also saw something about keeping only one personal thread, so do I posts about other topics on this thread?

    Sorry I’m rather naive about how to navigate this forum, I’m trying to figure it out as best I can.

    Thanks again,

    Saturn

  6. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    smallwolf avatar
    6183 posts
    11 October 2021 in reply to Saturn_94

    you can keep posting here....

    that is where i started few years ago. Though the moderators of the forum moved my story from one place to another. So I would not worry about creating a new thread/post/story elsewhere.

  7. jaz28
    Community Champion
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    jaz28 avatar
    457 posts
    11 October 2021 in reply to Saturn_94

    Hi and welcome,

    I hope you find the forums to be a safe and comfortable space. We are here for you.

    Somewhere to start would be to see your GP about the feelings you're having.

    Jaz.

  8. Saturn_94
    Saturn_94 avatar
    5 posts
    12 October 2021

    Thanks everyone who replied, it's very encouraging. I'll just write this here, since I'm not entirely sure where it's meant to go. Prepare for a bit of a ramble.

    What's been mainly worrying me at the moment has been my Dad's drinking habits. He has patches where he drinks a fair bit, and fairly steadily throughout the day, usually when he's really sad. Last year he had a patch, understandably with *everything*. Last year I spoke to my Mum about it (they're separated) and she spoke to his sister which prompted him to seek professional help, which helped I think.

    He seemed to be doing better, until a month or so ago when he started drinking more again, often hiding it from me. When he's drunk, he's mostly just tired and a bit confused, but his eyes always have this deep sadness about them which always make me upset. And it's always so strange because no matter how sick or drunk he gets, he never talks about it the next day, we always act like everything's fine and nothing happened.

    When he started drinking again this year I left my Dad a letter confronting him about it, seeing as I struggle to talk to him in person about it and thought this would be a good first step. And it was, I told my Mum about it, and his sister talked to him again, and he messaged me. But after going back to his house after being at my Mum's, everything seems the same again, if not worse. We still don't talk about it, he stills hides his bottles of vodka, still looks really sad.

    And I know these things are in no way immediate fixes. But I don't know what to do from here. I know I can't fix his problems for him, but spending time with him is just making me sad, I still don't know how to talk to him about it, and I know I shouldn't but I get so angry whenever he hides his drinking from me. I feel like just pouring all the alcohol in the house out, just smashing bottles and getting really angry, but that solves nothing.

    I sort of just want to go back to my Mum's, but I feel like I'm abandoning him. My Mum is being really good, talking to me whenever I'm upset, offering to come help, but I'm just not sure what to do.

    Yeah that was a ramble. I warned you.

    Saturn

    1 person found this helpful
  9. jaz28
    Community Champion
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    jaz28 avatar
    457 posts
    13 October 2021 in reply to Saturn_94

    Hi Saturn,

    my dad is the same. My sibling and I find it difficult to confront him. When we do, it feels like nothing changes.

    I live full time at my mums (I’m 20 though) and I just say it is close to everything CUZ IT IS. My dad is FIFO, so I go there for a night or something when he’s in the state.

    I completely sympathise with you. But there’s nothing you can really do other than what you have done. Jsut be there for him

    stay strong

    jaz

  10. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    smallwolf avatar
    6183 posts
    13 October 2021 in reply to Saturn_94

    Hiya.

    Sometimes rambling is good, or needed even. To be able to get out what is on your mind and put it somewhere. And perhaps sometimes when yo do write it down you may come up with own ideas for solution. Others may have suggestions based on own or similar experiences. This is one of the beauties of this place ... you can write down something and not feel as though you will be judged. Ramble on!

    On talking with your dad... and I am just going to relate part of this to similar (not the same) experiences. Here goes...

    I guess for me the first question is whether your dad is open to having any conversation? If not, then part of me says you are stuck, and another part of says to the look for an alternative route.

    The next bit is advice from my psychologist about using "I" communication and how this effects you; and secondly the consequences of the drinking in excess. Maybe instead of asking him to stop (initially) is to ask what led to this?

    I can tell from your post that you care very much for your dad, and have good support from your mother. However someone will only seek help when they see that need to and/or want to do it voluntarily.

    Listening to you...

  11. Mark Z.
    Multicultural Correspondent
    • Foundation members of our Multicultural Experiences section
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Mark Z. avatar
    171 posts
    14 October 2021 in reply to Saturn_94

    Hi Saturn,

    Your father must be very proud of having a daughter like you.

    I can tell that he has huge challenge and use alcohol as self-medication. Obviously it's a wrong way, he's aware of it, but it's super hard to pull out. You need to understand that with on-going professional support he should have bigger chance to walk out, but it will take a long time, and this process is NOT linear, but tortuous. It is absolutely normal and natural. Most of the recover process is not linear.

    Your dad needs you, he is fragile, if you walk away he may collapse. But I understand that you feel really exhausted sometimes, which means that you also need support. I suggest you seek professional support, as well as support from your family, and pass this energy to your dad, to accompany him and encourage him. If you need to take a breath, take a breath but don't give up. There's always hope.

    Moreover, do you understand the root cause of your dad's sadness? If you'll spend more valuable time with him, there might be bigger chance to understand his voice. Alcohol is just a cover.

    Hope everything will get better and better gradually.

    Warmly,

    Mark

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