First time poster and something I'd never thought I'd have to do at my age (48), but mental health never takes a break. If nothing else, this will help me get some thoughts out there.
This last week has been fairly bad with regards depression. I've sort of managed to keep it at bay over the last 15-20 years (when i was last diagnosed) cause to excess work, however something snapped in me since this last lockdown ended (in Vic) and i've struggled to get a handle on it. I know that i can push the depression away eventually, but it's never a pleasant experience to have to deal with. And pushing the depression away doesn't solve my underlying issues.
I live in a remote-ish area so not really had a chance to make friends out here. I've been here 11 years, but as always, i've always found it hard to make friends, even as a kid. I'm a natural loner. Generally as I had my work to keep my mind occupied, i never really noticed this problem. Additionally working in the office with others workers pre-Covid, i was able to ignored the issue. But even with lockdown ending, i still can't go back to the office, probably on a permanent basis.
i got diagnosed with depression around 30yo by my psychiatrist. I only focused on the depression, however he did elude to the probability i had anxiety and possibly other things, but i brushed it off (i aint the quickest tool in the shed to put two and two together). It is only now that I've realised i never actually dealt with the anxiety/panic attacks, and now for some reason it's all come back to my mind and pushed me down a dark rabbit hole. Along with the loneliness and isolation, it has come as a punch in the stomach and i am struggling. My mind has been racing with 100s of thoughts ... and it wont keep quiet!!
I will go back and get professional help, but with x-mas coming, it will take time to find somebody out my way. I thought i'd just put my thoughts here as a start to try and get my mind sorted somehow.