Lately i just feel like i am getting dragged along not doing anything useful. The thing is i am pretty much useless, my anxiety is bad i cant even do what most other people can do my age and now i just have no motivation to learn because i know i will stuff it up or not go anywhere with it. I dont have a job, i dont study anymore and now that i am living with my nan its like i feel trapped even though i was in a worse position at home with my dad smoking weed with most of my inheritance money. I don't know what i am good at, liking something is not enough anymore because i know that i will be alone forever.

Hi Unicorndogge

Welcome to the forums, we are sorry to hear that you sitting in a tough headspace.

Please know that whilst your feelings are valid and it's good that you are utilising the online space to articulate them, you are not useless or alone. Liking something, like a hobby, whilst not 'useful' or productive, can help us find joy and help us practise self-care when we feel like things like anxiety or not having a job can get us down.

This community can help you connect you to people with similar experiences and gain insight. We can also direct you towards professional resources too, and support you along that journey. Is there anything that you can do, however small, to uplift your mood each day? Self-compassion is key, after all.

Let us know how you are going, if you like.

Tay100

Hello Unicorndogge,

I feel your anxiety is making you try to believe the way you feel about yourself...Anxiety says we are no good at doing things and we will stuff it up....It’s okay if you do stuff it up..the first, second or how many times we try..the most important thing is to not stop trying...

Finding something your good at might take some time...There’s so many different hobbies or interests that’s available..and it could be quite fun trying different things, like drawing, knitting, painting, models of cars, planes etc..internet games, gardening, helping your nan cook and learn how to cook for you...

Volunteer work is good to help you get out of the house and mix with some people...My anxiety kept me at home nearly always... volunteering has helped me feel like I’m helping people...Maybe something like volunteering could help you a little because you’re doing something that helps others...and meeting new people...

Unicorn, Do you have anything that you do like to talk about or do....What style of music do you like to listen to?....only answer if you feel to..no pressure Unicorn..

We are listening to you and hopefully we can help talk you through this hard time your going through...

My kindest thoughts and care to you Unicorndogge,

Grandy..

Hi tay

I am okay i guess. I just feel pointless like what is the meaning to my life or me. I draw for no reason, why do something when its just a waste of time if you arent any good.i dont have any purpose, no friends just one of my penpals that i might lose because i confessed how i felt about him not that i like him. I just want a friend and if is the only way to do it then so be it. If i am going to be alone for all this time then i want to do something useful but i know that won't happen because i am scared of everything. No one would want someone like me, someone who is practically hopeless. I dont care if anyone hates me for my negativity because you know what i am sick of it.

Hi sophie

I have already tried them and they dont work. Maybe everyone already knows how useless i am so what is the point. When i be nice everyone hates me so then i cant be nice and when i am not nice then its the same. So what is the difference? Nothing, i have a support worker who takes me out she is basically my fake friend because i cant fend for myself. Nothing has changed in the three years i have been out of school, i am still running around in circles. What is the point? I want to know because nothing is working and now i dont feel like trying anything because i know there is 99% chance it isnt going to work. Hate me all you like i really dont have anything to lose

Hello Unicorndogge..

I am sorry I didn’t reply to you...We do care about you..yesterday I wasn’t in the best frame of mind to reply..like you we all have or are going through our own mental health journeys...

I can relate to your last post about what’s thevuse of doing things...I often feel the same..I live alone my children all married with their own families and live over 7 hours away...

I have started doing things like drawing, making a beanie, and a few more things ..then I think what for am I doing this for....The answer is for me..to feel like I have achieved something...My drawing is like that of a child...not good at all...but hey everyone is not good at drawing...but while I was drawing..it took my thoughts away from my head, that’s what distraction is all about..

Maybe you could make something for your nan...a lovely card, or poster, showing how much she means to you, for taking care of you...I’m certain she will treasure it, and it will make you feel good giving it to her...

It doesn’t matter that you can’t do things other people can do..We are all different individuals..we go at our own pace, to learn and do things..their is no time limited on learning things...please be gentle with yourself..your not well and doing the best you can in life...and I’m proud of you for doing so..

Can I ask you what you like drawing, or what era of music do you like to listen to....only if you want to share..

Taking nice walk with your nan, might help your anxiety by getting our of the house, and taking your mind of your anxieties a bit, plus you are getting some exercise and fresh air...I think your nan would like that as well...

Keep talking here dear Unicorndogge, we are listening and we are here to help you as much as we can...

Kind and warm caring thoughts lovely a Unicorndogge..

Grandy..

Hi Unicorndogge,

First of all thanks for sharing your story online. According to me, you are a very insightful person who knows what the problem is. I also know it is very frustrating after constant rejections you feel like giving up because nothing is working. If I may suggest something, at least for one day do something without expectation - it is a fact! Frustrations arise when we have an expectation of the result.

It can be anything. Like what are your hobbies? Or if you want you could go on a self-exploration journey like doing a bit of yoga or meditation and it will definitely make your cognitive fogs clearer. Please keep me updated with your story, I really would like to help you out because there was a time when I was also miserable and depressed internally throughout my early adolescence and young adulthood. I fixed it!!! And now I am just helping others and inspiring them!!!

Hi grandy

I dont like doing any drawing because everytime i do it, its not good enough. I come up with all these ideas just so someone can complain that they dont like it. For example i just tried to do fix a painting up for my nans friend and i came up with different ways then they just complain about how the colour has to be same. Well for god sake i was only trying to think of ways how to make it look better. So really its just a waste of time just like everything else. So how can i feel like i achieved something from it?

Just pacing along is not good enough anymore. Everyone hates me because i am stubborn now probably my penpal does to and i talked to him for so many months just for him to hate me in the end. No wonder i am going no where i am just getting meaner and meaner and when i am nice people are mean back to me so how should i act?

I have been walking but it does little, i find that walking is the best for me if i want to take away my energy but my anxiety doesnt go away. I want to be able to be like normal people and know that isnt going to happen and i have been trying to get a job but i am so scared to even walk in there. I have Applied for a few but have made an idiot out of myself, thats why i am still sitting here they dont want someone as dumb as me. I am literally 20 and havent done things other people have done and i probably will never get the chance. My life is pretty much a waste.

I like lots of different music

Hayley

Hi jasjit

Good on you for fixing your problems, i guess some people are lucky and some just have no chance of getting better. SOMEONE LIKE ME.

I dont really have anything i like, because what is the point when all it does is make you feel worse. Yes i am jealous of people who are amazing at there hobbies. My penapl is one of them he likes photography and is a professional photography. He is so talented and i have nothing only my shity drawings everyone complains about. It makes me feel bad because he is so much better then me and i am older then him. WHY CAN’T I BE GOOD FOR CHANGE?.

Sometimes i dont expect anything but that doesnt make anything better or go away. Maybe if you were lucky but if your me your stuck for life.

• https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/treatments-for-anxiety

• "Personal stories" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/personal-stories
• "Journey to wellness" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/journey-to-wellness

Hello Harley,

Im sorry that happened to you with the painting...I think she was very ungrateful and critical of the painting/gift...after all the time you spent on fixing a painting for her......Sweetheart please try not to let other people’s opinion of your work get to you...You done something from your heart to give to someone, that is pure gold Harley.....That shows me that you have a kind heart...and you did achieve something....

Not stubborn or mean Harley..your struggling right now with your mental health, and in these times when we are so down on ourselves, we only see and think what anxiety wants us to...

I also have a support worker who takes me out because of my anxiety, I feel to vulnerable on my own.,,your not alone dear Harley...My support worker is very caring..is your support worker caring towards you?..Is going to your GP and talking to him/her about how your feeling something that you might be able to do...They can set you up a mental health Care Plan..with free visits to a psychologist, who you could talk your feeling through with...Its to hard to try to manage negativity and anxiety on our own....

I have so many projects I have started, and not finished because I’m thinking like you ..why am I doing this..The truth is we are doing it for us ..to learn, to get better..to distract our minds away from negativity....

Is their something that you want to learn? Maybe you can learn online..or if you have an interest in something, no matter how small..maybe you could find a group with similar interests...

Please, don’t ever give up trying to find out who you are..and what you want to do in life..it takes time..you have been through and going through a rough time...We are here to support you as much as we can...you matter to us, and we care about you...

Looking forward to hearing how your getting on.when you feel up to it...

Sitting with you dear Harley..with my care and kind thoughts..

Grandy..

Hi Unicrondogge,

I completely understand how hard it is to come out from this habit of constantly comparing oneself to others. I completely get that. Thanks for telling me that. But maybe just for once try living for yourself. I am completely with you and I won't let you down!!

Your other friends are just being themselves!! So you can also be!!!

Please tell me more about yourself, I really want to help you out!!! What are the things that you are like - without a doubt?!

Hi grandy

having a support worker just feels like a fake friend to me. It makes me feel worse because I know that I am not going anywhere and that even if I enjoy hanging out with here it’s her job so really it isn’t real. I don’t like it but my nan can’t always have me around. If I have friends that would be all I ever wanted but I can’t even get that simple thing that I want. I am scared of doing interviews for jobs and I don’t even know how, I don’t even feel motivated because I don’t see any use of getting a job. Other then money I just don’t feel compelled to because I don’t think it will help out my situation. I already have a counsellor but I only talk to her once a month and I don’t know how seeing another one will make any difference because everything that I have tried that hasn’t worked the first time doesn’t work again.

People can say they care but at the end of the day they see your ugly and hate you. i think I just have to accept I will be alone forever because that is the way I have been for a long time, fate doesn’t have any reason to change its course.

hayley

Hi jusjit

Well if you’re just not good enough then you won’t get anywhere that is the truth for you to get through what I have got you must of had some talent but if your as useless as I am there is no hope, it’s lie. I don’t have anything to live for really. I have basically lost both of my parents and I only have my two nans and it’s like I am a burden because I can’t be useful.

i don’t have any friends, only my PenPal online but I am not sure if he even likes me, why would he. As I said he is talented just like you so why do I deserve to be talking to someone so great.

i am useless and stubborn that’s what I am like and I am getting meaner and meaner.

Hayley

Hello Unicorndogge...

You say you’re a burden on both your Nan’s.Im wondering if you do small things around the house to help them..like washing up, cooking, keeping your room clean...just helping out in everyday household choirs?...

If it’s to scary to go to interviews for jobs..maybe honey you can try doing volunteer work, one day a week in a charity shop, meals on wheels, the homeless shelter..to get you used to being out and around people..I volunteer once a week at St Vincent De Paul charity shop and it is helping me to get used of being around people and I even had to learn how to communicate with people again...it’s helped me a lot..Is this something that you would consider?

No one is useless, everyone has something they are okay with..A friend of my late husband used to oil paint over the nice sceneries on calendars, he enjoyed doing that and he even started selling them on line...I would imagine your Nan’s know how to knit or chotecter, maybe you could ask them to teach you..I am sure that they would love to help you..

Unicorn....As hard as it is..if you can try not to listen to what your depressive brain is telling you...it lies to us and wants us to feel and think everything negative...and that’s not true..

Most support workers are doing their job only..but a lot really do care about their participants...

Your penpal is your penpal because he likes you for who you are..not for what you can and can’t do...If he wasn’t good at anything, I’m sure you would still like him and continue to be penpal s with him...

I hope today is better then yesterday...if it’s sunny..it’s really relaxing to just sit quietly outside then look and listen to the sounds around you.lit gives your thoughts a rest from negativity....

Sitting with you quietly...

Grandy..

Hi grandy

I do everything my nan says however it isnt enough, i know she is becoming frustrated with me. Last night she called me a bad girl and i didnt do anything other then try to explain something to her. She wants me to get a job and I am trying my best with what little confidence and motivation I have. I haven’t heard back from any of the places so it doesn’t look like I am cut out for this. Even if she does kick me out (she has threatened me a few times) I might be able to get some of my motivation back.

i know how to knit, I finished myself a scarf 2 months back. It’s rainbow and has Pom poms on the bottom of it. I pretty much taught myself because I am left handed so I just went on youtube and learnt most of it.

well when people say your back it’s hard not to hear. Maybe I am better alone.

I like my PenPal a lot. His from Russia and you would think he would be mean like the stereotypes but his not, in fact his sweet. I have had a lot of other penpals but they just stop talking to me after a few days. I have started to see him more like my friend, I told him that and he didn’t freak out luckily. We get along really well the only problem is we live so far away:(

I am a bit better today thanks grandy

hayley

Hello Harley..

You’re a good person Harley...Please don’t believe anyone who says differently....Helping your nan...She is lucky you are living with her....I wish my grandchildren could live with me...but the are 7 hour drive from mine..with this pandemic I haven’t seen them for over a year now...

You are doing the best you can applying for work..Well done sweetheart...Sooner or later you will get employment..then your life will change....for the better..you had a hard childhood..and you came out of it with a beautiful heart..some become the same as their abusers...cold hearted...

I started a beanie this winter..still not finished it....but I will...That must have been hard for you to learn how to knit on your own..,and you done it....I am so proud of you for doing that...awe rainbow colours are my favourite...Over the weekend I saw a beautiful rainbow..so vibrant...I took some picture of it so I can remember it when I don’t feel so good...

Thats nice of your penpal...he sounds like a lovely person..the other pen pals..we don’t know what happened to them...not many people with pen pals talk for too long..I had a few when I was younger..waiting for the postie to come..I got disappointed a lot..they just seem to move on...

Your last sentence warmed my heart...I really want the best for you...I hope you continue to get stronger within yourself..

Sending you my care, love and hugs..

Grandy..

Hello Unicorndogge...

Its so nice to hear from you....Thank you for keeping us updated on what’s happening for you..

Not sure if I’m understanding you...Is this the first time you’ve actually spoken to you pen pal?...

I notice in your words dear Unicorn that you’re saying probably a lot..which tells me that your anxiety is talking for you...Sweety, I can’t see anything wrong in ringing him...I think in my opinion that that would have taken a lot of courage to do that...and I’m sure your penpal would probably be delighted to hear from you..

You have been chatting with him now for quite a few months..and he keeps replying to you all these months, in my eyes means that he enjoys talking to you and likes your conversations you have with him...

Anxiety makes us think the worse case scenario, in our lives...keeps making you second guess yourself...Can you msg him and let him know how scared you feel about loosing his friendship...and how much his friendship means to you and how lost you will be without it..It might help to settle your anxious negative thoughts ..

Kind wishes with my care..

Grandy..

Hi grandy

I talked to him yesterday over the phone originally it was his idea but we never went through with it. Then i dont know what went through my head, so i asked if i could call him and he said that he wanted to. I didnt have the courage to call him myself so he ended up doing it. I couldn't come down the whole time, i was laughing and just acting weird. I dont know how he sayed so calm, he was exactly the way he was over text which was surprising to me. It was a bit awkward our call he was trying to encourage me to speak but i just couldn't seem to get much out of my mouth. He told me that he wanted to help me calm down. After we were done speaking i sat there crying and i couldnt get bad thoughts out of my head. I wish they would just go away. I told him that i was sorry for messing it up but he didnt even bother about it. He is so nice too nice. To be talking to me for this long he must really like me.

Am i not worthy enough?

Is that why everyone is better then me.

Why cant i be as good as them?

I will never be like them

I still be the same forever

• How to challenge negative thoughts 
• Not sure what's wrong? Try NextStep
• 10 tips for improving your self-esteem

Hello Unicorndogge...

You are so worthy...your penpal has proven that to you by wanting to help you...He sounds like he cares a lot for you..

Sweetheart...You do the very best that you can..and that’s all we can do...It doesn’t matter if others are better then you..?What matters is that you try...and you or no one can do any better then try...Please..try hard to never compare yourself to anyone else..You are a unique person, who is cared for by your pen pal, your loved ones, me and others here on BB...You are the only one of you in this entire world..you have a beautiful heart and gentle soul...A one of a kind..and that’s really amazing if you think about it...

Unicorn, Time changes everything as you get older you will still be you...I like who you are..and I hope that your personality doesn’t change...you may become more aware of the world and people in it as you get older..but you will still be you...and that’s beautiful to stay you..

I am sorry I didn’t answer your post earlier...I have been a bit down... slowly picking up now...and here for you Dear Unicorn.....Dragons, fairies, unicorns are my favourite fantasy animals...Do you like unicorns?,,,

My kindest thoughts with my care..

Grandy.l

Hi grandy

I cant do a simple thing and just walk in and get a job. Everyone else can why cant i?

Why do i cry everytime i go to try to get a job?

Maybe its because i dont want one

But what is the reason for a job?

I will only get money

I will still be alone

No better then i already am

I am confused

My russian friend likes me but why, i dont understand when everyone else hates me

The more i talk to him the more attracted to him i get

His naturally sweet thats why, not just because i am special

Then i get jealous because i know he is better then me

I am starting to think i am too boring for him

I like him to much, i have started fantasizing about meeting him

Soon i will turn into a monster

Should i just stop talking to him?

Hayley

Yes i like unicorns

Why would anyone like me

Everything is a lie

Its better if i was alone because thats all i can be alone

Can't be what anyone else wants me to be like

Even if i did get a job i still wouldnt be good enough for other people to like me

i will just be ignored and rejected again after again

Hello Unicorn.

Getting a job..if you want one will change you’re life..

You get to meet and work with people, talking and interacting with people and you never know maybe you will find your best friend at work...The money you earn could buy you a car, nice clothes, time out with your work mates, saving up for something that you really want to buy for yourself...

Unicorn...Why do you think people won’t like you and will ignore you and why do you feel that everything is a lie?....no pressure to answer those questions...I am just curious...I mean..how could they not like you or ignore you if they haven’t even met you yet....most people are kind, a lot of people are lonely and would love a new friend...

Maybe join a group of some kind that interests you, drawing, painting, reading, computer...most libraries run courses on learning the computers...Something and somewhere where you can meet new people...

Unicorn..,you are you hun..you can’t change who you are for any one...You need to be true to yourself...

Sending you my care and kindness..

Grandy...