This has blown out to 2 messages 😜
There’s a lot going through your mind right now, a lot of issues to work through; I can tell by the way you’re harshly self-critical, have withdrawn from school and from contact with your friend.
A lot of the way you are thinking reminds me of myself. The self criticism - if I don’t do this then I’m worthless, wasting my time, etc.
The thing is, there is truth to some of what you’re saying - but you’ve become so anxious probably due to missed assessments and study that now you can’t think of anything but the worst.
It is good to finish school, and do your assessments, and go to uni, in most cases. But I wonder if you could think of another angle. Imagine you are a mother, and your daughter is so anxious that she doesn’t want to get out of bed. How would that make you feel. Imagine it really deeply... until you can really perceive that girl. Spend some time deeply contemplating that.
The point isn’t to make you feel bad for your mother - that’s her job to care for you. The point is to make you see that the girl is being treated quite harshly - by herself. Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson has a book 12 rules for Life an Antidote to Chaos - it’s a sort of self help/development book. It might be good to buy the book , I even think there is an audiobook you can listen to on the headphones on your phone.
one of his rules is basically: treat yourself as you would someone you take care of. His main point is that we sometimes treat our animals with more dignity than ourselves.
to come back to you: you seem like an intelligent young woman who is so anxious and so worried that she can’t concentrate. What you need is compassion. It sounds like you have it from your parents, that is wonderful.
another thing is that it seems to me like you think that it is too late ... for anything... I get that. Particularly with schoolwork.... I still feel like that often with my university study..
but it’s not... you may get a lesser Mark. But a lesser Mark is better than dropping out. And an even lesser mark is better than dropping out.
i know the pain and worry you must feel. Speaking as a parent myself, it’s a parents job to do everything they can for their child. Please use them, it seems like they want to help...
You mentioned the words don’t want to come out, and you liked the idea of a letter. That is good. Have you given thought to what you might want to write?