Lunch today will be one I will never forget. I had to do an interview with my friends about school life. It was supposed to be happy and fun but then the year 10's came. They are stereotypically the mean people of high school. This was today proven to be true. We sat in their "spot" unaware this was their territory and no one else's. So I and my few friends sat and started to begin and then they came. Time moved slower as they came over and I felt a deep dark pit in my heart erupt. I'm the small bookworm who wears my heart on my sleeves and am way too sensitive for the life of me. It felt as if they were almost about to yell at us over sitting. As I'm writing this I'm in class still and on the verge of tears. I'm so unbelievably worried about walking in the hallway and them seeing me and doing... I have no idea. I just know that they talked trash behind our backs. I know I shouldn't care about what other people say about me but I just feel so scared, helpless and sad. How can I feel better? Is there something I can say to myself to make it all disappear?

I knew I should have never gone to school today.

Hi HoneyMilk,

Your post really resonated with me as I myself used to be the easy cryer bookworm! I know exactly that horrible anxious feeling you describe, time slowing down, just a total sense of dread. It's gone away for me as I've gone into adulthood (I'm 25 now), as have so many of the horrible scary memories I have of high and "middle" school (years 6-8 in America).

This time of life is especially tough because the things that come to matter the least in our later, fuller lives, sometimes leave the deepest impact. It sounds like in this situation there was no harm and no foul, as it sounds like they didn't yell at you, only that you were worried they would.

Do you often feel like this at school, or in general?

Warmly,

Gems

Thankyou @uncut_gems for replying to my forum so quickly!

It hs only been a day and I'm slowly repairing myself. I spent hours on Pinterest searching up quotes, I confided with my family and am resting on my friends. I am getting there. The pain still aches, however. I don't know if it will ever go away. From what you said it sounds like your HS experience wasn't all sunshine and rainbows either? How did you continue HS when it seems like the worlds against you?

At HS I feel totally lost and stressed. I have come up with and found spots around the school where I am free from the ' mean' people. However, I do often find myself in situations similar to that of yesterday and it hurts so much. I feel all the pain and its as if I get hurt (emotionally) and I get myself back up again and then it all crumbles away AGAIN. My school is filled with drama and all I want to do is escape. Being a bookworm alike yourself how did you deal with all the anxiety of being at school?

Whenever I am in a bad situation I ask myself if this will all matter in 10 years? And the common answer is no but that still doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. I have to get better but I still don't know just quite how to.

Hi HoneyMilk,

I'm so glad that you're feeling a bit better. It sounds like between your family, friends, and your self-relaxing strategies you have so much going for you when things get tough. It's a cliché, especially to hear from an older person, but it really, really does get better, especially after high school. Not only do you get more control of your life and get to meet new people and explore new things, but people your own age also become more mature and there just tends to be less of the behind-your-back drama.

I struggled for years with bullying, and eventually in high school threw myself into my studies, which was unhealthy in its own way. If I could go back and talk to my high school self now, I would say to worry less about getting good grades, and the people I didn't like, and just focus on having memorable experiences with my friends. Of course, when you're anxious at school, that's easier said than done.

But besides the wisdom that comes with distance from HS, we have to think practically about what can be done in the here and now. Have you ever thought about getting help for these anxious thoughts? Perhaps talking to your parents, a doctor, about setting up a mental health plan? I did this as a young person and I truly believe it is the single greatest reason for my current health and happiness.

What sorts of books do you like to read? What about movies or TV? Sometimes the best thing for tough times that you just have to get through (like HS) is to really get lost in our interests.

Warmly,

Gems