Raising a teen and mental health (ages 12 to 18)

The years from 12 to 18 can be a confusing time. It can be exciting – and a little scary.

Your child might be a young teen just starting to establish their autonomy. They might be older and exploring who they are independently from you.

As a parent you want to keep them safe from risky behaviour.

This might feel overwhelming when so much of what they experience seems out of your hands. It’s okay to admit that you don’t have all the answers.

Looking after your own mental health and wellbeing is important. It can help you better support your teen, especially through turbulent times.

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Supporting your teen’s independence

Your young teen (12, 13 and 14) might only just have started puberty. Older teens (from ages 15 to 18) are on the way to maturing physically.

Alongside this physical growth come changes to how they think and feel.

When you encourage your teenager to build a strong sense of identity, it helps them become more confident.

It also supports their independence and protects their mental health and wellbeing.

Brain development in teenagers

The teenage years are a time of enormous change inside the brain.

These changes can affect your teen’s behaviour and the way they express and manage their emotions.

You can encourage behaviour that strengthens positive connections in your child’s brain.

Visit the Raising Children Network website to understand teenage brain development and find behaviour strategies.

Sense of self

A sense of self is about self-identity.

It relates to our perceptions of who we are and how we fit into the world based on our experiences and beliefs about ourselves.

Teenagers who have a strong sense of identity are better equipped to navigate school life, deal with peer pressure and face adversity.

You can foster your teen’s self-identity by reinforcing their positive qualities and strengths.

Read this article by Monash University to find out more about self-identity.

Gender identity

Gender identity is a part of a person’s sense of self.

Some people don’t identify with the sex they were assigned at birth (for example, ‘male’ or ‘female’). They might choose to identify as:

transgender
gender diverse
non-binary.

This is a natural part of human diversity.

In their teens, your child might start to reflect on how they identify.

It’s important to listen and provide support to any child or young person who might not identify with their assigned gender. This significantly protects their mental health and wellbeing.

Visit the headspace website to understand your role in supporting gender diverse young people.

Download a guide to supporting your trans.

Sex and sexuality

The teenage years are when young people start figuring out who they’re attracted to.

Many young people will experiment with sexual behaviour.

Talking about sex and sexuality with your child is a crucial step in helping them:

Young people who identify as LGBTIQ+ often face discrimination, exclusion and prejudice. Sharing this part of themselves can be a stressful and uncertain time for young LGBTIQ+ people.

A supportive and inclusive environment at home, school and in the community is important to protect your teen’s mental health.

Visit the Raising Children Network website to find more information on understanding sexual development.

Go to the headspace website to understand your role in supporting young LGBTIQ+ people.

Communication

It can be difficult for a teenager to ask for help because they are trying to prove their independence.

Part of helping your teenager develop into an independent adult is respecting their choices.

This means the way you communicate together might have to change.

Here are some top tips for communicating with your teen.

Make talking part of your routine. Try to start conversations with them at times when they appear most open to chatting. Accept that there will be many times when your teen won’t feel like talking.
Be a good listener. As a general guide, listen twice as much as you speak.
Ask open and curious questions. Examples are: “How did that make you feel?” or “What ideas do you have for what to do next?”
Ask for their ideas or solutions to a problem first. This shows you respect their opinion. It also helps meet their need for autonomy.
Show respect for their opinions, even if you disagree with them.
Try to notice and be responsive to their attempts to include you in their decision-making.
Show respect for their opinions, even if you disagree with them.

Managing emotions

Your teen is still figuring out how to manage and express emotions in a more controlled way.

You might notice your teenager is:

going through more emotional ups and downs
experiencing unpredictable moods
showing strong reactions and feelings.

Teenagers can often become overwhelmed by strong emotions.

Teaching your teenager to notice, label and calm their own strong emotions is crucial for their emotional development.

Visit the the Raising Children Network website to find strategies to help teens calm down from strong emotions.

Learn the signs of anxiety and depressionin young people.

Stress

Ongoing stress can contribute to poor mental health.

Use these strategies to help your teen when you see their stress levels are rising.

Encourage your young person to talk about problems when they happen.
Help them find ways to relax that work for them.
Suggest they try meditation or mindfulness.
Offer to help them plan how they might address what’s causing the stress.
Support them to leave any big decisions until they feel less stressed.

Learn more about stress and mental health.

Staying safe online

Teens are digital natives. Most have grown up with the internet as part of their everyday life.

While it’s straightforward to stay in touch with what your younger teen is doing online, older teens might prefer not to be monitored.

You can promote safe online behaviour by talking openly with your teen about online risks such as:

sites that contain explicit information
cyberbullying
misinformation, fake news and information overload
pornography and sexually explicit content
sites that contain explicit information on self-harm, body image or suicide.

Drug and alcohol use

As part of their developing sense of identity, teens tend to take risks. They might also be trying to gain the approval of their peers.

Using alcohol and other drugs is common among young people.

This doesn’t mean all teens are drinking excessively or using drugs regularly. There are big differences between experimenting and a substance use disorder.

Mental health impacts

It’s hard to predict how drugs and alcohol will affect someone, particularly their mental health.

Drug and alcohol use can:

increase the risk of developing mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression
trigger psychosis for some young people.
worsen the symptoms of someone who already has a mental health condition, while also interfering with their recovery.

Self-harm

Self-harm refers to people deliberately hurting their bodies. It’s usually done in secret and on parts of the body that may not usually be seen by others.

Self-harm can be something that a person tries once, or it can become a habit.

Many young people describe self-harm as a way of coping with intense pain, distress or unbearable negative feelings, thoughts or memories.

For most young people self-harm is a coping mechanism, not a suicide attempt.

However, young people who self-harm repeatedly may also begin to feel as though they can’t stop. This may lead to feeling trapped, hopeless and suicidal.

If you suspect your teen is self-harming encourage them to talk about what’s happening to you or a health professional. They should also see a GP to look after their injuries and avoid infection.

In an emergency call 000.

Learn about self-harm and self-injury.

Visit the Orygen website to download the guide for parents on coping with self-harm.

Seeking support for your teen

You might find it hard to work out what is a ‘normal’ reaction by a teenager having a difficult experience.

When is sadness ‘normal’ sadness? When should you begin to worry?

What you can do

Here are some practical steps to take if you’ve noticed your teen is struggling.

Start by having a conversation with them.
Speak with their teacher or school counsellor to share information, gain insights and discover strategies to support them

If your teen’s change of behaviour lasts for more than a couple of weeks and is interfering with their daily life, speak to a health professional such as a GP.

Learn about youth and mental health

Raising a teen and mental health (ages 12 to 18)

On this page

Subscribe to receive info about mental health, keeping well and stories from our community.

Supporting your teen’s independence

Brain development in teenagers

Sense of self

Gender identity

Sex and sexuality

Communication

Managing emotions

Stress

Bullying

Staying safe online

Drug and alcohol use

Mental health impacts

Self-harm

Seeking support for your teen

What you can do

Looking after your mental health and wellbeing

Supporting someone else

Further resources

Starting a difficult conversation

Pressure and expectations

Responding to bullying

What you can do to help

If your teen is bullying others

Supporting healthy behaviour

Mental health services to support your teen

Get urgent support