Childhood trauma, a lasting effect
As a child, Nicole was loud and bubbly. Her dad described her as ‘a little ray of sunshine’. But when she was 14, Nicole experienced something that impacted her heavily.
“I was put into a position where a very familiar and comforting environment was no longer safe. It was something I had to endure alone for some time,” she says.
“I internalised so much of the trauma that there was no way for those around me to really understand why I was moody or feeling anxious.”
“I started to exhibit OCD tendencies, because I really needed a way to control my environment. This included pulling my hair out. I was diagnosed with trichotillomania, which is a compulsive disorder. Similar to someone biting their nails, my brain was basically hardwired to do this repetitive habit to make me feel like I had control.”
As a result, Nicole had bald patches on her head and wore a headband to school to hide the damage. Nicole can still recall the moment she was presented on stage at her end-of-Year 12 assembly when the principal tried to remove her headband because it wasn’t part of school uniform.
“Even though I don’t think anyone else would have picked up on it at the time, it was a pretty traumatic experience for me.”
After high school, Nicole took off overseas, working at a summer holiday camp in America. It was the circuit breaker she needed before pursuing her goal of studying dancing.
Following her passion for dance
“I always wanted to grow up to become a dancer.”
At first, dancing was simply something that Nicole loved, something she dreamed of doing for the rest of her life. But after what she went through, dancing became more than just her passion.
It became an outlet, a sanctuary. A means of coping with her trauma. She still loved it, but it felt different. There was a reliance she hadn’t felt before.
It didn’t change her path. She powered on towards her goal, graduating from a prestigious dance academy in Melbourne.
