On this page
- What to say to someone with anxiety or depression
- Chronic illness, anxiety and depression
- Recovery stages for anxiety and depression
- Help a partner with anxiety or depression
- Help a friend with anxiety or depression
- Helping your child with anxiety or depression
- Help a parent with anxiety and depression
- Resources to help you when supporting someone with anxiety or depression
What to say to someone with anxiety or depression
We asked people who have experienced anxiety and depression to tell us what was most helpful to them.
Here are things you can say to help someone feel listened to, understood, and hopeful that things can improve.
“I’m here for you.”
Anxiety and depression can make people feel isolated and alone. It can really help to know someone will be there and stick by you during recovery.
“I can see this is a really hard time for you.”
The least helpful statements are those that shut down the conversation. Don’t say:
- “I know how you feel”
- “Just snap out of it”
- “You’re attention seeking”
- “Think more positively”
- “You’ll be right”
- “Just get over it”.
“I’m not sure what to do, but I’m sure we can figure it out together.”
You don’t have to have the answers. What’s important is that you’re willing to stick around and help them figure out how to start feeling better.
“What can I do to help? Just tell me how.”
Ask them to be honest about how you can help them. The support they need will change throughout their recovery so be prepared to be flexible.
Sometimes they may be so overwhelmed that they won’t know how you can help. Taking initiative and doing small things to show you care can also help.
“I know it doesn’t feel like it now but there is hope that things can get better.”
Encourage hope. Remind them that anxiety and depression are treatable. With the right support, most people recover.
“Have you thought about seeing your doctor or calling Beyond Blue? There is support available.”
Highlight the importance of seeking professional support. Friends and family can offer a great deal of support but professionals have a crucial role in treating anxiety and depression and promoting recovery.
For information about how to find professional support, make an appointment and what to expect, visit: Support someone to see a mental health professional.
For free mental health information and brief counselling, contact the Beyond Blue Support Service.
“This conversation is between you and me.”
It’s important they know they can trust you. Respect their privacy where possible by not sharing what they tell you with anyone unless they say you can.
If someone tells you they’re having suicidal thoughts, you may need to call in extra help. Let them know you may need to tell someone else to be able to help them stay safe.
Find information and support for helping someone having suicidal thoughts -->
“I'm sorry if I said the wrong thing. Can we start again?”
You’re both trying to talk through a difficult experience. Don’t worry if you say the wrong thing. Focus on what’s more important in the conversation.
“I’ve noticed you seem to be doing better lately. Is that how it feels for you?”
Sometimes improvements can be hard to notice, particularly if they are small and gradual. Gently pointing out your observations can help someone feel positive about getting better.
“Do you feel like doing something together to help take your mind off things?”
- change the focus of their negative thinking
- offer a sense of hope for the future.
Chronic illness, anxiety and depression
If you’re supporting someone with a chronic illness and a mental health condition, help is available. There’s a range of treatments, health professionals and services to help with anxiety and depression as well as information on what you can do to help yourself.
To learn more, download our Chronic illness, anxiety and depression fact sheet.
Recovery stages for anxiety and depression
Recovery might include:
- trialling different medications
- one or more types of psychological treatment
one or more health professionals.
Support networks for someone with anxiety or depression
- family, friends, colleagues, elders
- mental health professionals
- support groups, such as our anonymous online peer support forum.
You can help the person you’re supporting connect with others to make sure they’re not completely reliant on you.
The Black Dog Institute has a directory of support groups in your state: Support groups – Black Dog Institute.
Help a partner with anxiety or depression
- increased tension
- decreased communication
- reduced intimacy - both emotional and physical.
- feel a sense of grief and loss – for the way their relationship used to be
- struggle when the challenges of support become overwhelming
- consider leaving the relationship
- feel guilty for considering abandoning their partner in their time of need.
Help a friend with anxiety or depression
- struggle to find the right balance in your relationship
- worry about upsetting the person you support, causing them to withdraw
- feel isolated if you’re the only one person in the friendship group who knows about the problem.
Helping your child with anxiety or depression
- you’ve caused your child’s mental health condition
- other people blame you for your child’s behaviour
- you don’t give your child enough love and support.
Support your child to be independent
Your child needs space to develop personal coping or management strategies to help their recovery.
It can be challenging to support your child without becoming over-protective. You’re not alone - many parents find it hard to decide when to be there and when to step away.
Involving siblings and other family members
You may have to manage feelings of resentment that siblings may experience when the unwell child is seen to be given special treatment.
It can be helpful to:
- discuss the situation openly within the family
- educate everyone about the condition
- talk about the importance of supporting each other as well as the child with anxiety or depression.
Supporting siblings
- worry they’ll become unwell too
- feel embarrassed and self-conscious about their sibling’s situation
- withdraw from the family and their sibling, particularly in school or social situations
- feel frightened of triggering behaviour in their sibling
- resent the attention their sibling receives.
Siblings may also need support to manage the reactions of others in the community. The responses of friends and other people their age are very important, especially during teen years. Siblings may need support in explaining the condition to them.
For more information and resources for siblings of people with special needs, including disabilities, chronic illness and mental health conditions, visit: Siblings Australia.
Help a parent with anxiety and depression
Children may worry about:
- being embarrassed by their parent’s behaviour
- having to do extra things to ensure the household runs smoothly
- how to tell others or invite them into their life or home
- whether they will also develop anxiety or depression when they’re older.
For more information and resources for parents and young people, visit: Children of Parents with a Mental Illness (COPMI).