Support someone

How to approach someone about their mental health

Asking someone about their mental health can be daunting, but it’s an important first step in supporting someone you care about. 

These tips will help you approach a person you’re worried about with empathy and confidence, so your concern is received in the best possible way.

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Choose the right time and place

Picking the right moment will go a long way to making the interaction easier for both of you. Choose a time when you’re both calm and unlikely to be interrupted, and you’re in a quiet, comfortable setting. That may be at home, during a walk, or in any place where they feel safe and at ease and won’t feel like they’re backed into a corner.
Illustration of two friends having a conversation on a couch

Be clear about your intentions

Before starting the conversation, take a moment to reflect on why you’re concerned. Are you noticing changes in their mood or behaviour? Are they withdrawing from social activities, or do they seem more anxious than usual? 

Being clear about what you’ve observed about their behaviours or moods will help you express your concerns without sounding vague or criticising. It shows that you’re coming from a place of caring, and no judgement.

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Build your knowledge

Before you talk to someone you’re worried about, take some time to learn about the mental health condition you think they might be dealing with, whether it's anxiety, depression, or something else. You can start here to learn more about mental health.

If the person you’re worried about hasn't been diagnosed with a mental health condition before by a GP or a mental health professional, it’s important to not try and diagnose them yourself. But understanding some of the symptoms and stressors associated with mental health can help you approach the conversation with empathy and offer possible actions. 

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Be gentle with resistance

It’s possible the person you’re worried about may not be ready to talk about their mental health issues. It might take some time for them to process your concerns, reflect on their own feelings, and open up to you. Be patient, and work on building a foundation of trust.

It’s important to stay calm and respectful, and don’t take any resistance personally. Let them know that you’re there for them whenever they’re ready, and that the door is open for future conversations.

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Know your boundaries

While it’s important to offer support to a friend, family member or colleague who’s struggling, it’s also important to set your boundaries. Think of boundaries as your personal, invisible lines that define where you end and where others begin. Knowing your boundaries is about protecting your own mental health while supporting someone else.

You can’t be their sole source of help, and you don’t have to be the expert. It's ok to say, “I think it would be helpful for you to talk to someone who understands what you’re going through. I can help you find a therapist or a support group.”

Try our Wellbeing Action Tool →

Approaching someone about their mental health takes courage, but it can make all the difference.

Remember, the goal is to express your concern and offer support without pressure or judgment.
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Having the conversation

For some conversation starters and guides to talking to someone about their mental health issues read How to talk to someone about their mental health → 

  • Avoid being dismissive. Saying things like “It’s just a phase” or “You’ll get over it” can make them feel invalidated.

  • Avoid giving unsolicited advice. Instead of offering solutions right away that they haven’t asked for, focus on listening.

  • Avoid judgment. Be mindful to not criticise or blame. Mental health conditions are not a choice, and people experiencing them often feel a sense of shame or guilt.

Remember the ALS steps to caring communication:

  • Ask. There’s no right or wrong way to say that you’re concerned. Just be genuine.

  • Listen. It’s natural to want to solve the problem, but often the most helpful thing you can do is listen.

  • Support. Reassure them that there is hope and things can get better.

Explore ways to talk about mental health issues, how to find reliable information, and ways to share that information with someone you’re supporting.