Support someone

How to approach someone about their mental health

Asking someone about their mental health can be daunting, but it’s an important first step in supporting someone you care about. 

These tips will help you approach a person you’re worried about with empathy and confidence, so your concern is received in the best possible way.

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Choose the right time and place

Picking the right moment will go a long way to making the interaction easier for both of you. Choose a time when you’re both calm and unlikely to be interrupted, and you’re in a quiet, comfortable setting. That may be at home, during a walk, or in any place where they feel safe and at ease and won’t feel like they’re backed into a corner.
Illustration of two friends having a conversation on a couch

Be clear about your intentions

Before starting the conversation, take a moment to reflect on why you’re concerned. Are you noticing changes in their mood or behaviour? Are they withdrawing from social activities, or do they seem more anxious than usual? 

Being clear about what you’ve observed about their behaviours or moods will help you express your concerns without sounding vague or criticising. It shows that you’re coming from a place of caring, and no judgement.

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Build your knowledge

Before you talk to someone you’re worried about, take some time to learn about the mental health condition you think they might be dealing with, whether it's anxiety, depression, or something else. 
You can start here to learn more about mental health.

If the person you’re worried about hasn't been diagnosed with a mental health condition before by a GP or a mental health professional, it’s important to not try and diagnose them yourself. But understanding some of the symptoms and stressors associated with mental health can help you approach the conversation with empathy and offer possible actions.

Illustration of two friends having a conversation over coffee

Be gentle with resistance

It’s possible the person you’re worried about may not be ready to talk about their mental health issues. It might take some time for them to process your concerns, reflect on their own feelings, and open up to you. Be patient, and work on building a foundation of trust.

It’s important to stay calm and respectful, and don’t take any resistance personally. Let them know that you’re there for them whenever they’re ready, and that the door is open for future conversations.

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Know your boundaries

While it’s important to offer support to a friend, family member or colleague who’s struggling, it’s also important to set your boundaries. Think of boundaries as your personal, invisible lines that define where you end and where others begin. Knowing your boundaries is about protecting your own mental health while supporting someone else.

You can’t be their sole source of help, and you don’t have to be the expert. It's ok to say, “I think it would be helpful for you to talk to someone who understands what you’re going through. I can help you find a therapist or a support group.”

Try our Wellbeing Action Tool →

Approaching someone about their mental health takes courage, but it can make all the difference.

Remember, the goal is to express your concern and offer support without pressure or judgment.
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Having the conversation

If you’re preparing to talk to someone about their mental health, you might like to use this reflection tool. It will take you through some things to consider. 

Sometimes it’s helpful to write down your thoughts and intentions, as a way of reflecting and preparing for a conversation.

You can send yourself a copy via email or you can send it to yourself now and print to work with it later.

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How can you talk about mental health issues and share information effectively?