Ask if they're OK
Simply asking how someone is going is a great way to start the conversation. Explain the differences you’ve noticed and ask them if they’re OK.
Be genuine
Raise the topic in a way that feels comfortable to you. There’s no right or wrong way to say that you’re concerned. Just be genuine.
“Would you like to talk with me about what’s happened? I’m worried about you.”
Explain why you’re concerned
What have you noticed that’s worried you? Maybe their mood has changed, or they’ve been acting differently.
“You haven’t seemed yourself lately - is everything OK?”
“I’ve noticed that you’re not going out much with us at the moment, what’s going on?”
Be prepared to wait
They may not want to talk about their mental health yet. Don’t pressure them. By noticing and saying something, you’ve shown you care and are willing to have the conversation when they’re ready.
“OK, but you know you can talk to me if you ever need to.”
Focus instead on staying in touch and doing things together that might make them feel less alone. Look for opportunities to talk about it again later.
Suggest other people they might prefer to talk to, such as a friend who has experienced anxiety or depression, or a confidential helpline.
Listen to what they tell you
Encourage them to talk about what’s going on. Listen to how they feel, what they’re thinking and what they’re doing differently.
“Just take your time, there’s no rush. I know talking about this can be difficult.”
Be patient
Take time to try to understand their experience. Everyone’s experience is unique. Recognise and validate how they’re feeling.
“I can hear that the last few months have been really terrible for you. Please tell me more about it.”
Don’t give advice
It’s natural to want to solve the problem to make them feel better. However, the most helpful thing you can do is listen. It's important to give them space to talk and feel heard. Try to avoid making assumptions or offering solutions, advice or a diagnosis.
“How are you feeling about that? How’s that affecting you?”
Be comfortable with silence
A silence may make you feel uncomfortable at first but see it as a chance for you both to gather your thoughts. Help them to feel at ease and follow their lead.
“What’s that like for you?”
Don’t judge
Be non-judgmental if they share things that are hard to hear or you don’t understand. Together you can work out how to move forward.
“Can I just check that I have understood you correctly?”
Support them to get the help they need
Confidentiality
Keep what they tell you private, unless they’re at risk of hurting themselves or someone else.
“I know it can be hard to talk about this – thanks for trusting me with it.”
Reassurance
Reassure them they are not alone and there is hope that things can get better.
“You don’t have to deal with this on your own. I’m here for you. Things can get better.”
Patience
Be patient, help them to overcome any setbacks, and point out any improvements you see.
“I want to help but I don’t want to interfere, so tell me when I am getting in the way.”
It can take time for people to be ready to talk to you or a mental health professional. Don’t make your support conditional on them seeing a health professional.
Discuss with the person what the barriers are for them and how you can help.
Respect their decision. Reassure them that they’re not alone and remind them that professional support is available.
Explore options
Help them explore their options for feeling better. Check your understanding of the situation and what you might be able to do to help.
“What can I do to support you?”
“What have you tried already? Have you thought about seeing your doctor or Beyond Blue?”
Resources to support you
Complete a mental health check-in
Encouraging someone to complete one of our simple assessment tools may help you understand the support they need.
Support someone to see a mental health professional
What to say, how to make an appointment and what to expect.
Get mental health support
Talk or chat online to our free brief counselling service or find a mental health professional near you.
If the person is feeling suicidal
It’s okay to ask someone if they’re thinking of suicide. The best way to find out is to ask. Asking someone if they’re thinking about suicide won't ‘put ideas in their head’. Your friend or loved one is more likely to feel relieved, heard and understood.
“I understand that this is a really difficult situation for you. Are you having any thoughts of suicide?”
If they say no, continue the conversation, calmly.
If they say yes:
Assess whether they’re in a safe place right now. If they’re not, and you’re concerned for their safety, call Triple Zero (000) to ask for advice.
If they are in a safe place, stay with them, and keep talking. Gently suggest the support you are able to offer them and ask more about how they’re feeling, without judgement.
Talk together about whether it’s safe them to be alone right now. If you’re unsure, it’s OK to call a helpline to ask for advice.
Encourage them to seek support and talk about who they might be able to get support from.
If there isn’t any obvious source of support, you can encourage them to see a GP. If you feel comfortable, you can help them make an appointment.
You can also suggest a crisis line and encourage them to call or help them to call, or find an online webchat – for example, Beyond Blue’s support line (1300 22 4636) or webchat, Lifeline (13 11 14) or Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). These are all free, confidential 24/7 counselling services.
Don’t promise to not tell anyone else. Try to focus on encouraging them to get support.
Talking to a young person
A young person may find it uncomfortable discussing their thoughts and emotions openly with you. They may even get angry when you ask if they’re OK. Try to stay calm, and realise you may need to try raise the conversation in different ways over time to get a response.
If a young person doesn’t want to talk to you about his or her problems, try not to take it personally.
Give them reassurance and hope
If a young person has anxiety or depression, it will probably affect the way they think about things.
They’re more likely to approach situations negatively, believing nothing much can change or that things are hopeless. Anxiety can also get in the way of finding solutions. They may need:
- encouragement to explore options for help
reassurance that things will be OK
to focus on small steps and achievements.
Don’t tell them to ‘snap out of it’
When young people have anxiety or depression, it doesn’t help to pressure them to ‘snap out of it’. You can’t assume that the problem will go away without help.
You won’t always have the answers, and you may say the wrong thing at times – but simply showing you care and will be there to help them through this is what matters.
Offer emotional and practical support
Ask they how they want to be supported and suggest a few options:
emotional support - being available to listen, offering reassurance
practical support - help with homework or getting to a part time job.
Recovery is possible, but it can be a slow process.
Youth mental health services and support
Seek support from trusted friends or relatives, or talk to a counsellor about ways to cope and support the young person in your life.
Young people who resist seeing a doctor or a health professional may prefer to contact a professional over the phone or online, as this is anonymous and can be less confronting.
- Kids Helpline – 24/7 counselling for kids, teens and young adults aged between 5 and 25.
headspace – mental health support for young people. Offering phone, chat and online community support.
- ReachOut – mental health service for young people and their parents. Offering self-help information, peer-support program and referral tools.
Be You – find professional learning, tools and fact sheets to support your knowledge of mental health.
Talking to someone at work
There are many factors when working that can cause stress and lead to poor mental health. And if someone’s mental health is being impacted for reasons outside work, it can affect them when working too. This is natural.
So if you notice someone at work who might be unsettled, facing stressful challenges, or struggling with their mental health, it’s worth checking in with them.
Before you do, there are things you can do to prepare.
Learn what support is available
Find out what support is available so you can share this information with them and encourage them to reach out.
Available supports will be different in every workplace. They might include an Employee Assistance Program. Your work might have a Health and Safety Representative who can help if you need to report any risks at work, or if someone is being bullied or harassed. Or there may be peer support network be in place.
Also keep in mind free and confidential support options are available to them outside of work.
Plan the conversation
Think about when and where you can have a chat. Ideally it will be somewhere private, and where you both feel comfortable.
