Coping With Family Stress and Conflict This Festive Season
It’s normal to feel mixed emotions during the festive season, especially if you’re facing family conflict, grief or just trying to keep the peace.
This page offers several tips that can help ease the pressure. Talking with a friend or one of our counsellors (who are available 24/7) can also really help.
What family stress looks and feels like
There’s a lot wrapped up in the holidays – memories, traditions, expectations. For some, it’s a time when difficult family behaviour patterns feel more intense.
Family conflict can arise because you’re dealing with:
- Pressure to “keep the peace” or avoid conflict
- Guilt around not attending events or seeing certain relatives
- Feeling like you have to pretend everything’s fine
- Cultural, political or religious differences
- Being around people who don’t respect your boundaries
- Feeling alone or disconnected, even in a room full of people
Why relationships with family can feel harder during the holidays
If any of these sounds familiar, know that these experiences are really common.
- Communication breakdowns
- Difficult family dynamics
- Emotional conflict or tension
- Feeling judged, excluded or misunderstood
- Pressure to reconcile with estranged parents or relatives
- Worry about money, travel or hosting responsibilities
- Managing your mental health around others
Beyond Blue is here for you
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, we're here for you. Call us on 1300 22 4636 or use our support services, available 24/7, every day of the year
When holiday family conflict can make your mental wellbeing worse
Disrupted routines, limited access to support services and social anxiety can make things feel even harder.
Stressful family dynamics can lead to:
- Feeling anxious or on edge
- Low mood or feeling hopeless
- Trouble sleeping or eating
- Worry about relapse if you’re managing a mental health condition
It’s normal to feel this way when routines change and support feels out of reach. It’s important to remember that you’re allowed to protect your peace.
You don’t have to put yourself in harm’s way just because it’s Christmas.
I still get made to feel as though I'm somehow strange for not "doing Xmas" & for spending the day alone at home. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
Beyond Blue Forum User
Some practical ways to cope with family conflict
- Set limits kindly – decide what topics or behaviours are off-limits and have a few phrases ready, like: “I’d rather not talk about that right now,” or “I need a break, I’ll be back soon.”
Create breathing space – step outside, listen to a favourite song for a few minutes, or call a friend.
Stay connected – reach out to people who make you feel valued, and if you’re comfortable to, ask them if you can message them or call them if things are feeling hard.
Keep alcohol in check – it can feel like it’s making you more relaxed, but it will most often make tension worse.
- Have an exit plan – it’s okay to leave early if things get too much.
Signs of unhealthy patterns
- Pressure to reconnect when you’re not ready
- Others minimising your reasons for keeping distance
- Feeling judged for setting boundaries
Simple ways to cope
- Prepare responses to questions or pressure
- Focus on the people who support you
- Skip events that feel unsafe
Things you can say to set limits
- “I’m not ready to talk about that right now.”
- “I’ve made my decision, and I’d appreciate if we could move on.”
- “Let’s focus on the present, not the past.”
Signs of unhealthy patterns
- Unequal treatment of children or stepchildren
- Conflicting parenting styles
- Feeling caught between loyalty and personal wellbeing
Simple ways to cope
- Create new traditions that include everyone
- Be clear about plans and expectations early
- Accept that things don’t have to be perfect
Things you can say to set limits
- “We’re doing things a bit differently this year.”
- “Let’s make sure everyone feels included.”
- “I need some time to myself after the big day."
Signs of unhealthy patterns
- Passive-aggressive comments or criticism
- Pressure to attend every event or stay longer than you want
- Feeling like you can’t be yourself
Simple ways to cope
- Limit time spent in high-stress environments
- Have a “buddy” who can help you exit tricky conversations
- Focus on small moments of connection
Things you can say to set limits
- “We’ll be staying for lunch but heading off in the afternoon.”
- “I’d prefer not to talk about that today.”
- “Thanks for the invite, but we’re keeping things low-key this year."
Families dealing with loss and grief over the holidays
Grief can feel sharper during the holidays. It’s OK to feel what you feel. The important thing is to accept and allow those feelings while also making sure you’re taking care of yourselves, both physically and mentally.
Here are some ways you and your family might approach the season if you’re grieving:
Honour your loved ones – Light a candle, share a story or include something they loved in your celebrations.
Skip traditions that feel too hard – It’s okay to keep things simple or create new traditions.
- Plan for emotional moments – Think about what might trigger strong feelings and how you’ll handle them together.
Set gentle boundaries – If big gatherings feel too much, let people know: “We’d love to see you, but we need to keep things low-key this year.”
Care for your body and mind – Remind each other to eat, rest and get some fresh air.
Make space for joy – Laughing or smiling doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one.
Reach out if you’re struggling – Beyond Blue counsellors are here 24/7 for free, confidential support.
Support that’s here for you 24/7 through the holidays
Call 1300 22 4636 or chat online to a Beyond Blue counsellor.
When we say you’re not alone, we mean it
If you’re feeling the pressure over the holidays, you can chat anonymously with people in our Forums who are feeling the same
Resources to help you support someone with their mental health
Help us be there for someone feeling alone this Christmas
When someone who is feeling desperately alone, anxious, depressed or overwhelmed decides to reach out to Beyond Blue for help, we need to be here for them.
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